The challenge here is to make me laugh. Out loud.

Not easy. Just ask my wife. Yup, she said I'm a miserable old git.

(Note to those born on the left side of the pond and between Canada and Trump's wall. (He has built it, yes? He did get Mexico to pay for it, yes? No? Oh well, he's a politician. You know what they say a politician is doing when his lips move.) "Humour" is the real spelling of "humor".)

Okay, first the rules:

• "humor" must be your first tag. Yeah I know, I just finished 'splainin' that the correct spelling is "humour", but you'll get better results if you spell it wrong. No, I don't mean w r o n g, I mean incorrectly. NO, not i n c o r ... Thank you.
• "Humour Competition" needs to be part of your title. Make sure you spell it right this time.
• Do not include the quotation marks.
• Upvote this post.
• Put a link to your entry in a comment here.
• Your post must be at least 350 words, not including your footer. I'll tell you when my footer starts so you will have an example.
• Your post should not be more than 2000 words unless it needs to be. For example, I like a good shaggy dog story, and some of them can really run on. I have however heard a lot of them. In fact I have told a lot of them, so if yours is a story about a rarie you'd better have a new twist.

Okay, enough rules for now. If I think of more I will mark them with bullets. Now you know how I want it I'll tell you what I want.

I don't laugh very often. I have particular tastes. Seinfeld does not make me laugh. In fact he bores the pants off me. Quite the achievement since as you can see I do not wear pants. Henney Youngman was just crude. Rodney Dangerfield was very funny with his self-deprecating style, better on a bad day than Youngman could ever be on a good day.

Ronnie Barker and John Cleese were/are two of the finest wordsmiths ever. Malapropism is a tool I sometimes use. They were fantastic teachers. Bear in mind though that "Word Association Football" is only about 270 words.

Shelley Berman, early Bill Cosby, some Jonathon Winter, Emo Philips, and George Carlin are a few of my favourites.

• No memes. Don't waste my time.
• If you want to do a comic strip, fine. I'll consider a frame is worth 100 words.
• Recorded standup must be delivered by YouTube. dSound and dTube do not work for me. I don't know why.
• No profanity. The word "fuck" does not make me laugh.

Comics: The Perishers, Peanuts, BC and The Wizard of ID make me laugh.

• DO NOT copy/paste someone else's work. There is a good chance I will spot it and if I do, 100% chance I'll report it to steemcleaners.

A montage is an allowable exception to the copy/paste rule.

The prize:

I don't know for sure because I don't know how many winners there will be. Anyone who makes me laugh will be included in The Magnificent Seven, even if I have to produce more than one issue. If nothing else that gets you a full upvote from @enchantedspirit and myself. And some decent exposure. If there are no outright winners I'll pick my two favourites for The Magnificent Seven.

Trust me, I'm a doctor

Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.

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