When I die

in humor •  5 years ago  (edited)

and for the sake of argument, there is a heaven and hell. Watching my life story with God and Satan I expect God to turn it off midway. Heshe will turn to me and say, "Well we can all agree that was a bit shit can't we?"


"I concur. Sooo you keeping him?" replies Satan uncertainly.


"Well, there is enough bad for him to go to hell," God replies as he strokes his beard in thought. As I bounce my gaze between the two, a worried insect.


"You, know. We have done it before. Sent them back." says Satan with a toothy grimace.


"He has been dead over an hour, seeing as you took your sweet time. It is not the middle ages we can't just bring him back to life. They are already batty enough down there." God says with a sigh.


"Ok, but creating a whole new area just for him is a lot of effort and frankly I don't want him to turn my demons into pussies. What about purgatory?" The Devil asks cheerfully, "that is what it is for right?"


"Still means he gets to come to heaven afterwards. Anyway, I only use that for the really hot ones," says God as he flashes Satan a smile. "Ok, we will send him bac.."




"Strange how no one came to say any last words nurse," the Doctor says absent-mindedly while staring at the forms he needs to fill out.


Looking at the cold dead formerly a shadow of a man and now a ghost laying on the bed, she replies: "It sure is Doc, even serial killers and homeless addicts have people who visit. Even if it is just to get the final word in."


"That is true," the Doctor says as he nods. "Please clear out the bed, and if anyone asks. Not that they will, but if they do. Then we could not save him and tried for 10 minutes to restart his heart to no avail.


I wake up from my very vivid dream, shivering and feeling dejected.

Throwing the clipboard with forms at the wall the Doctor furiously screams over the nurses squealing.

"Fucksakes, I was almost done filling those out. Who the fuck plugged him back in?"

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This is so funny. I do believe that there is a heaven - and even though you do not, I sense that you are a good person that will go there.......... they even have a place for the weird ones hahaha

I've always knew there was humorous way to look at death.

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I think there is a humorous way to look at most things, death is the only one which is just not all that sad due to how inevitable it is. Maybe like being able to laugh at yourself it can be depressingly-anti-depressing... Something like that haha. Glad you found the humour :)

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Somewhat macabre.

When I was young and knew that death was surely a long way off, (unless I got killed), I never thought much about it, but I thought that I would think about it more and more as I got older and closer to death. I'm a lot closer now, but I still don't think about it, except sometimes I think that when my time does come, I'll be glad to be getting out of here.

  ·  5 years ago (edited)

Agreed, when it comes I won't mind :) Also thanx again for the tip.

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