A young girl from Dallas named Alice
Had never been touched by a phallus
But she tripped in a ditch
And... son of a bitch!
A phallus pierced Alice in Dallas.
- Ellis Toussier
Since I announced a Dirty Limericks Contest, nobody else but me has joined...
So I thought, maybe I will have to TEACH YOU how to write a dirty limerick.
So here is my biggest secret weapon, to write dirty limericks.
USE A RHYMING DICTIONARY.
You can find an online rhyming dictionary here:
So you start: somebody from someplace... "A young GIRL from ???" DALLAS named ALICE
So we want words that rhyme with "Alice" or "Dallas"
-alis, alass, alice, allice, allis, alliss, allose, allus, alyce, balas, ballasts, braless, calice, calis, callace, callis, callose, callous, callus, calus, chalice, dalis, dallas, fallis, falus, galice, galis, gallice, gallous, gallus, galus, jalis, kalis, kallis, kallus, kalous, malice, mallis, malus, palace, palass, palis, pallas, palus, phallus, rallis, rallus, sallis, salus, talis, tallis, talus, thallous, thallus, valis, vallis
Oh, look, how beautiful. "phallus" and "braless"
We are going to need one, and the "dirtiest" for the moment is "phallus"
So...
A young girl from Dallas named Alice,
Had never been touched by a phallus.
Now we need two short lines...
Think of something... "she fell in a ditch"
words that rhyme with ditch:
-rich, biche, bitch, blitch, britch, britsch, chich, chiche, clich, crich, ditsch, fiche, fitch, fitche, flitch, fritch, fritsch, fritsche, fritzsche, glitch, gritch, hitch, ich, itch, kiche, kitch, kitsch, klich, knitch, krych, lich, liche, mich, miche, mitch, mitsch, nichd, niche, nitsch, nitsche, nycz, piche, pitch, pitsch, pritch, quich, quitch, rich, riche, richs, ritch, scritch, sitch, skitch, smitch, snitch, stich, stitch, strich, switch, titch, trich, trich-, triche, tritch, tritsch, twitch, which, wicce, wich, wiche, witch, zich
Of course, "bitch"
She fell in a ditch
And, son of a bitch!
And now the ending... Alice has to get touched by the phallus, of course.
A phallus touched Alice in Dallas.
So there it is...
A young girl in Dallas named Alice
(or it can be the other way around: A young girl named Alice, in Dallas...
Had never been touched by a phallus
(or it can end in "braless") She liked to go out there braless
But she fell in a ditch
(or choose another word... "pray" On her knees she would pray
And son of a bitch!
(or a word that rhymes with "pray"... To God every day)
And now, the last line should wrap it up, and be FUNNY.
That a phallus would touch her in Dallas.
But if we use this line, then the first line cannot be "A young girl named Alice in Dallas"
because the last word should rhyme with the first line, but not repeat the word.
So the first line has to be the other way around "A young girl in Dallas named Alice"
And so we have:
A young girl in Dallas named Alice (a)
Had never been touched by a phallus (a)
But she fell in a ditch (b)
And son of a bitch (b)
or
On her knees every day (b)
To God she would pray (b)
A phallus touched Alice in Dallas
or, she would pray
That a phallus should touch her in Dallas.
You see, It is SO EASY to be funny,
when your mind is in the gutter.