Average looking hero goes for a walk and stops for a chai at the nearby market with his sidekick who makes sick jokes. He finds the bald headed half drunk villian along with his gang, walking around with armaments, messing with shopkeepers and general public.
One of the gang members accidentally shoulders a girl, and the brave girl talks back with high pitched voice like wonderwoman. The villian gives a nasty smile and the gang starts encircling her, passing hideous comments. One of the men pulls her dupatta with his rusty knife.
Wonderwoman suddenly becomes teary eyed, covers her body and sends sentimental shock waves across the universe and to the audience.
Enter average looking hero jumping from the sky and landing straight into the heart of wonderwoman. One fight scene, 50 broken jaws, one demolished market scene later, wonderwoman dates this average-looking-suddenly-transformed-stylish hero in a cafe.
Wait, I still haven't started the cliched part. That was just the outline of most of our movies, especially south Indian ones.
Let's continue.
The hero excuses himself to the washroom, and while he's back to propose his love with a cliched bouquet, wonderwoman is gone. Poof. He looks around,and casually assumes that the villian must've abducted her, without considering the fact that she might've wanted to pee as well. Anyway, movie it is.
Close frame.
Open frame in new location.
Dilapidated warehouse.
The heroine is tied to a wooden chair with loose ropes which doesn't take an infant to escape from, her mouth stuffed with white handkerchief even though she wouldn't bother talking to these handsome hunks, squeakling noise which serves no purpose, some fingerprints on her cheeks, denoting they've slapped her.
Villian turns his back towards the camera and starts a one sided conversation with her about his past, why he got into the gangster life and how he'd kill her slowly with different equipments. Like anybody cares to give a Padma Shri for all his bloody achievements.
He talks and he talks for hours.
Everybody gets bored.
Keeps talking. Word after word. Story after story.
Every single one dozes off.
Still talking. And more talking.
Every gang member dies of old age and body starts decaying.
Doesn't look back, doesn't stop talking.
Heroine turns grandma and dies on the chair.
Blah blah blah. Blaaaah.
Earth evolves and a new age takes over.
And then he turns. He's shocked to see that people have time travelled and died. He doesn't realise that he's been talking for so long that his genitals have started rotting, but he's not yet done. He lets the moment sink in and takes a deep breath.
Before he could understand reality and make a move, grandpa hero enters in his scooter, looks at his dead heroine, becomes furious, punches his teeth out and kills him with his walking stick.
End of story.
I still don't get it.
Why the hell do all the villians talk their shit out nonstop until the hero arrives at the dilapidated warehouse shattering the rooftop with a somersault, and not kill the heroine once and for all with a single strike, before the whole drama unravels, thereby sparing the audience from all the “you're gonna die in the hands of my beloved lover who'll storm through the door with a background score” dialogues.
That would be highly appreciated.