What is it like living as an INFJ? A confession of an INFJ man. How to tell the fake from real.

I’m answering to expose fake INFJs. Please don’t take it personally. Especially those who are quiet at parties and those who doesn’t excel in social gatherings yet claim they are INFJ, you are kidding yourselves. Sorry. INFJs, although will retreat to solitude at a later stage, won’t decline an invitation (especially the heart felt “please come” invites) and is/are the life of any party and social gatherings! If you’re at a boring occasion then chances are the INFJ didn’t attend. Allow me to explain…

First off, I’d like to apologise for what may be perceived as arrogance. Frankly there is a level of self-obsession but please don’t mistake it for narcissism. I am exposing myself after all and it’s not for the faint INFJ to do this. Admittedly there is something therapeutic about writing my thoughts and feelings. However, as a 34 year old man, I know from experience I am by far more critical of myself and what I expose to others and fear of portraying arrogance, to a fault, by any measure that if not managed, can make myself feel miserably depressed. Apparently an INFJ trait. I also need to apologise as when I generalize all [real] INFJs, it’s based on my own experience and not someone else. So I’m sorry but I hope I can shed some light, especially how to identify fake INFJs.

Being an INFJ is extremely awful yet amazingly wonderful at the same time.

I’ve only recently found out and accepted I’m an INFJ. My first test was in 2004 but I didn’t understand or cared about it then. Only this year, in need of self-reflection and completed the test again, I looked through my hoarded archive of memorabilia to see my test results back then was the same as it is now and the need to analyse and understand what I truly am in order to function better in today’s society and a constantly changing business environment.

Warning: this is a long answer. I couldn’t stop myself (no thanks mr perfectionist personality) and words kept adding up. Eventually I managed to stop myself but I’m pretty sure I’ll be reading this over and over and editing as time goes on until I muster the self-control to stop. Besides, true INFJs won’t have any hesitation of reading an entire book without a break if they really wanted to. I once read a book within 24 hours, simply could not put it down. Especially if the book/article is about themselves. Only true INFJ will be able to read this in full. If you’re already hesitating, sorry, you’re not an INFJ. INFJ are self-obsessed to a fault.

Real INFJs would actually not want to expose themselves as an INFJ. I say this because that’s how I feel. Imagine Clark Kent having to expose himself as Superman - that’s how it feels. Perhaps the anonymity the internet provides gives comfort, ie. even if you know my name the likelihood of you chasing me down to where I live is close to not going to happen. I think it’s because growing up, we’ve learnt not to let anyone know and be exposed, not only for our own best interest but also for the best interest of everyone at large. I didn’t like writing this at all because it was an emotional drain. The thought of other people getting to know me is also equally as daunting. I’ve lost count how many times I’ve read over my answer to a point that I had to tell myself that I got this far, stop being a perfectionist and just post it and not think about it so god-damn much. Some INFJ out there are in need of my story, just as much as I’ve tirelessly searched for other INFJs and their perspective. We are lonely creatures. I had to think long and hard, arguing with myself before succumbing to myself that I should answer this public question [don’t worry, I am more weirded out by my borderline schizophrenic tendencies than you, trust me]. I’m pretty sure I will regret answering in Quora afterwards although I feel it’s the right thing to do… and when I say I feel, I meant “I know” but better than saying “I know” and I can’t tell you how I know, I just sense things and I know. I would often say, “just trust me”, knowingly that people I’ve said it to or say it to were/are sceptical but I’ve known and currently know, in time, it always end up with “I told you so”.

It’s a little more accepting on the internet. Perhaps there is a distinguishable separation from IRL (in real life). IRL you are dubbed a smarty pants know-it-all arrogant prick [if to expose yourself] (even though you itch to tell people you know they think negatively although you don’t tell and responds with a smile) but you can live with that since you are generally liked by everyone and didn’t expose your abilities by way of an excuse eg. “I had a gut feeling and luckily I was right” (which is not a lie) and those people you care most won’t hold that against you despite the fact that even for them, to trust your gut feelings is a gamble. What more of acquaintances and strangers? To you it’s not a gamble at all but a calculated decision although you didn’t/don’t really want to participate in to whatever context you had to trust your gut instinct but you sense everyone’s genuine desire for sound advice, so you go on and “help” anyway. I have too many examples of this taking place (like every situation of my life). [Sidenote: are you confused yet? Then you’re probably not an INFJ. This answer is strategically structured after all - a hundred hours of fun thanks to the INFJ gene). Hope you can still follow – better explanation/examples to follow.]

I really need to allow myself to at least make one spelling mistake. Sigh.

Of course, INFJs makes mistakes too. I like making mistakes because failing is the best way of learning… and if I’m to obtain perfection, I need to make tonnes of mistakes because ultimately I don’t like making mistakes. I’m not psychic by any measure and nor do I pretend to be. We are “normal” somewhat it’s just we’re very rare and misunderstood. And we don’t get “gut feelings” all the time. It comes when we need it most usually.

I look to understand all perspectives and sometimes will debate with someone I agree with, including myself, in order to conclude to a correct, more defined and calculated outcome/decision/opinion. But if I still need to take a guess, my instincts takes over and I make decisions/opinions/actions to get the outcome I want by listening to my gut feeling. Apparently another INFJ trait. It’s like in Finding Nemo when Dory tells Marlin something was telling her to swim through the trench and not over it. “Gut feeling”.

Hercules, Superman and Aladdin are INFJs. I know they are, not because I’ve read it somewhere but because I know. Reading about it someplace else just confirms what I already felt was true.

INFJs actually do feel we are the superheroes of the world. And we don’t just feel it, we live it. So imagine telling someone who ask you what you do and if you are to be truly honest, your answer is, “I’m a superhero”. So you don’t. This is the #1 answer to what is it like to be an INFJ. If you do not agree then, sorry, you are not an INFJ… and why would you want to be anyway? Are you crazy?

People want to be you but don’t like the idea of being you. You grow up and live a life with “superpowers” yet you can’t tell anyone because you instinctively know the end outcome is by far worse for you… but you long for people to understand you and that your intelligence is not simply acquired knowledge but something more. Something you can’t explain. Not that you can’t explain but it’s difficult to articulate in words let alone for someone to listen to and understand. I find ENFJs understands me the most but still missing that x factor to fully grasp me. You give it a shot (sometimes), challenging your own intuition/superpower, although you’ve played all possible scenario in your head and have deduced a conclusion, precognition of what the future holds and play a game with yourself to prove yourself wrong… yet 100% of the time, you prove yourself right. Those INFJ saying 99% are either being humble or fake INFJ. Sanity-check, you ask yourself “why do I even bother?” Bother as in trying to prove something until your acquired experience tells you it is society that makes you doubt yourself and your God-given hereditary abilities… or rare medical condition, depends how you want to perceive it. Until you are informed of this “INFJ” label anyway. I think of myself as highly intelligent and sometimes mistake for INTJ. I often switch between the two.

I’ve always known I was “special” and grew up learning how to cope with loneliness. As much as I love alone time, loneliness is a force to be reckoned with. No one truly gets me so it’s hard to prove what this “special” means. Special needs? Everyone always looks for proof, including yourself. What made me know I’m INFJ is because there’s no other way to explain me. The description fits me like a perfect glove. I acquire knowledge by “sensing”. Let’s call it aura. All my senses are hyped up, I grew up empathizing with Superman and his lonely sorry ass. With training, I’ve been able to hone [and somewhat control] my own feelings to “hear” things or “see” things or “feel” [touch] things that others can’t whether in past, present and future and do it more precisely. I can “remember” smells from the past because what I actually remember is the feelings the smell gave me as opposed to remembering the smell itself and how it made me feel. I would know what someone truly feels when they answer me when I ask, “How are you?” I can forecast with great accuracy people’s reaction and what they would do if I tell them they’ve won $1M on lotto. So you grow up knowing you are “different” but you can’t tell anyone and you try to blend in or just stay quiet, depending on your mood and “can I be bothered” scale.

I am able to see patterns easily and very quickly in order to predict future outcomes (only the most obvious ones although to everyone else is not obvious) sometimes up to 10 years ahead. Like, I have BitCoin for example since 2008. Imagine having to explain to people that you have BitCoin because “I had a gut feeling and luckily I was right” and the people you feel close to who you’ve said “just trust me” didn’t trust you, and are now congratulating in face value yet you know/sense they are really bitter about the “I told you so” moment and thinks you’re an arrogant know-it-all prick. To top it off, they don’t even know themselves that they feel and act this way. They genuinely likes you though… but you question whether they like you (even though they don’t really know you) or like the person you portray to them. The fact of the matter is, most often than not, people will “trust” you specially when you say, “trust me”. So those that you can tell that a part of them is feeling guilty and telling themselves that they should’ve trusted you (because their gut instinct told them so) but didn’t and instead was too sceptical, which ended up badly for them. You contemplate whether to expose their inner feelings, so you choose the ones that would be able to handle and accept it… but to expose this truth, you have to have a long D&M one-on-one moment, so before going into it, you ask yourself if you can even be bothered. You know the outcomes of each scenario, so why bother? It’s energy intensive and draining. Only the ones you truly care about, which you can count with one hand, you’d bother for because you somehow convince yourself that it’s worth it. Even though you know it’s not really worth it, you convince yourself that life is life and let life happen. Humans will be humans. This is what normal people do anyway just protect yourself somehow like prepare what to do from the consequences of your actions. Always work on achieving harmony and peace no matter the situation – it’s very important.

I don’t want to be an INFJ... since as long as I can remember… but I like my abilities, which I use to help people. Without my abilities I won’t be an INFJ. The contradictions are real. It is as painful as it is as joyful. I can’t for the life of me get why people are proud of being INFJ – BS fakers if you ask me.

I’m now more able to control how to use my personality in an effort to influence others’ behaviour and change the world for the better. A chameleon in every sense of the word, I adjust accordingly to sway the best outcome in any given situation. Now that I’m aware that I’m an INFJ, it makes complete sense why the good is as equally as bad.

I have memories as a 3 year old, crystal clear in my mind. Apparently this isn’t normal. As amazing as that might sound to you, it’s awful from a different perspective if I tell you that one of those memories is having stitches done without anaesthesia on a forehead injury, and feeling the exact pain, words I cried and everyone spoke/said around me at that moment, what I saw everyone was doing etc. The memory itself is actually how I felt and what everyone felt emotionally – fear, hope, nervousness, sadness, optimism, etc. I remember the moment vividly because those remembered feelings are attached to senses like what I saw, heard, touched, tasted, smelled (although taste and smell is not applicable in this example). I was in crying pain and felt fear in my mother’s eyes. I remember her quivers and tears because of this fear. I remember the nervousness of the young surgeon and therefore can remember his face and his awkward “everything will be just fine” voice as he repeatedly kept saying it while nurses had my arms and legs pinned down while my mother held my head, to protect me from my own squirming while being stitched. I remember passing out then waking up to my mother’s loving embrace. I remember saying to her smiling face, “mama it doesn’t hurt as much anymore don’t be sad because you’re making me sad even though I’m happy now” then tears run down her cheeks.

My mother told me of my abilities. Perhaps she had it too… if only I could ask her now about her experiences but unfortunately, she passed away when I was 10. My pain of losing her is unquestionably the hardest truth to accept. I have never truly faced that emotion because it’s too painful, even now.

If you’re truly an INFJ, you are crying right now reading this as much as I am writing about it. You would be able to sympathise why I can’t visit that part of me and close that wound because you understand that it can medically make me insane. My 10 year old self was able to exercise self defence and self preservation and I happen to trust my gut instinct - it’s never been wrong. However, non-INFJs will have a hard time accepting what I’ve just said so if that’s you, sorry mate, you’re not an INFJ. Maybe you’re an INTJ?

INFJs know they are INFJ at early life because everyone tells them so... although not quite say directly. I didn’t know what this “INFJ” was until this year but I knew I was INFJ since as long as I can remember. People told me in their body language, how they speak and their tone of voice and how it changes, how people react and respond to different things, how they smell nicer around certain people especially if infatuated, how their cooking taste if filled with love and desire or if rushed and cooked simple for convenience. I pick up on things no one gets and predict an outcome people only believes until after it had happened. Unconscious shackles that prevents you from showing your true worth and capabilities. People want to be you but don’t like the idea of being you. So you hide. You camouflage. You become one of them. It scares people when you constantly prove your gut instincts are right. Superpowers everyone finds difficult to believe, even if you mask it as “luck”. You are smarter than that to a point that you have a distaste for manipulative personalities (instead of seeing it as a gift) because you can clearly see their intents and feel that you are capable of doing a lot worse if challenged, knowingly that the outcome if exercised will always end up bad, no matter how intelligent, cunning or skilful you are. It does not add value in your life to be a bad person and to be around “good” [but with bad intentions] people is toxic to your own health and wellbeing… and to those you care about that you also try and protect them even though some of them will be unwilling or sceptical of your gut instinct.

My grandparents were my best teachers before high school. They’ve individually told me I was special, even the one that doesn’t like me (maybe he feared me). They said I’m an old soul. Especially at their death bed, they looked at me differently to others like they’re looking at a demon or an angel. They told me to look after the family including my cousins, eventually, when the time is right although deep down they never really trusted me. My grandmothers’ life lessons felt sincere though that I have some kind of ability and they reminded me constantly not to show it. To be “simple” and “humble”. My grandfather, not so much, with my memory of feeling like I’m retarded when around him but in face value it was the same message as my grandmothers reminding me constantly not to “show off” and to be “simple” and “humble”. I learned what they were going on about because kids are mostly honest creatures I guess and you can get easily bullied by your peers. So, in true INFJ style, I looked for what was acceptable (body language and right words to say, etc) but only enough not to draw attention to myself and copied behaviours and feelings. Popular but not the most popular. 2nd or 3rd place is most desirable (actually anywhere in top 10 except 1st) and feels more like coming as 1st place to me than 1st place itself.

High School was a bit of a screw up. Thinking back now, I reckon because of puberty, my emotions were all over the place so I didn’t have control. For me, having control is everything. I fought hard to gain control. Again very little doubt of my INFJ personality, with my steadfast conviction and very high level of integrity defining what is right and wrong. I fought against bullies and bullied them when I see them bullying others. I got into fights because I could not stand by and just watch. I made friends with those who only had my best interest at heart as I can reassure them back that I will have their best interest at heart, in return.

I’ve lost count how many people that have come back to me now in our 30s thanking me and telling me that I was the only thing that stood between them and suicide… still I feel it was not enough having lost more than one (not gonna say how many) to depression. One of them in particular, all I did was simply spend an hour a day together in silence for about a month staring at the horizon and spacing out to nothingness before going home for dinner. Since then I’ve found out that INFJ can absorb emotions. So it makes perfect sense to me that to simply sit next to someone is enough to “share the burden” and truly carry the weight on your shoulders with you. I am attracted to those most in need because I can physically sense the metaphorical black dog and haven’t got the heart to deny people in need of help. Even if it means my own demise. If you can’t relate to this, then you are not an INFJ.

University was when I learned that INFJs are the best at parties. Even today, I would still not go to events unless directly invited or have had specific (and genuine) invite extension as +1 of someone who was directly invited with host specifically saying to invite me. I don’t like crowds and I don’t like attending events when I am unwelcome or unexpected because I don’t enjoy sensing awkwardness directed at me. My ability to conform to the tone of occasions I attend though is second to none, even though I say it myself. Even if I’m not feeling up to it, I muster up what energy I have to be social and fun. I can sense what everyone is feeling to a point that I know exactly if the music is appealing to the crowd and if not, I can quickly come up with a list of songs to play in order to get the whole party to the desired level. I have a knack for knowing every person’s tune in their head, or at least something close to it (dependent on what songs I actually know like I haven’t got a clue on country music). Guessing games I like to play with myself and win against my doubtful self at parties. I’ve even challenged myself at times to guess what alcohol each person is drinking and what they actually prefer (and probably steal from someone else later once confidently drunk). I conform and transform to this talkative vibrant personality absorbing a general crowd vibe, sensing what conversation is the right conversation, and being mistaken as an extrovert. I drop hints of what I actually want to talk about in group sessions, like, say, Donald Trump, then quickly retract when I sense/feel the aura has changed negative. To my friends’ disbelief, I change topic by saying “oh nothing” [apparently I say this a lot] and dive in to another topic like the weather. I absolutely hate small talks but know its place in social settings. I use it mostly when quickly changing topic when mood sour, as it gives me a couple of minutes to suss out what subjects people are keener to talk about. My subtle metaphors, double entendre and puns are carefully crafted so as to speak to a group of people about one thing but relay a different discussion and message to one or two trusted friends. Careful not to offend but ensure the intelligent ones knows you are intellectual and witty [and therefore approachable] to a point that it becomes a separate [but entertainingly funny] conversation, considering the intellects are usually the introverts who already feel awkward in social settings anyway. It’s a win/win/win for myself, the crowd and the introverted intellects. At times, you drop seeds only to harvest it later – by this I mean, when in need, I can use a strategy of slowly changing someone’s perspective of things. So far, I’ve convinced two people that Donald Trump is not a bad guy despite their initial feelings towards him – pretty difficult and it has taken over a year but I think it’s always better to have a holistic perspective of things rather than sticking to black and white understanding. It’s also simple common courtesy to respect that others may have a different point of view and therefore different opinion. Always work on achieving harmony and peace no matter the situation – it’s very important.

How can an INFJ be introverted yet be social, you ask? In my opinion, I think of two reasons. One is we have the uncanny ability to morph. Like Mystique from X-Men. To an extent that we might not be able to know our true form - this is true with older INFJ in my opinion why we constantly try and find out who we truly are. Second is our ability to sense things means we know where to find oxytocin… or more precisely, what to do and what to say to instigate the release of oxytocin. That or dopamine, depending on the level of control an INFJ has. Imagine having the ability to know what someone feels and what would get that person excited and happy. You hit that button and boom… dopamine. That’s my explanation anyway why some people get addicted and dependent on us, looking for their next high.

Back to other people’s extrovert assumptions – I’ve managed to party up to 5 nights in a row once. Suffice to say, I was in solitude for a very long time after that! It came after a break up and I was overwhelmed with emotions that I guess looking back now, my method of drowning the feelings of my mind was to shut it off. “Feelings of my mind” is a powerful statement. I did not want to be myself for a while. I realise now that for an INFJ, not thinking is a safer version of suicide in itself. Partying and drinking excessively is a sign of self-preservation from your own thoughts and feelings. I think and feel A LOT. Nowadays, I drown this self-deprecating yet unavoidable obsession [because it’s what makes you, you] with reading... so now, I read A LOT too. More than I used to despite having an unquenchable thirst for knowledge.

That break up I mentioned… door slam. Deleted every social media posts, emails, changed my phone number, address, everything. I deleted my ex’s very existence by erasing memories in MY world. Although I really did try my hardest to make it work that it took us 8 months of REALLY bad and painful period from the “we need to talk” moment to “I’m breaking up with you” point. At least I managed to say my final goodbye. I knew we had to break up and I’ve known that my love was no longer reciprocated despite face value, the lies staring me in the face. I can smell a lie from a mile away… but I still saw the good and tried my hardest to influence the outcome only to prove myself right in the end. How did I know there was cheating involved? I haven’t got the faintest idea but I sometimes wish I didn’t. “Gut feeling”. Despite the pain it caused me, I somehow managed to convince myself of going through the ordeal for 8 months knowing that in the end was a rewarding life lesson, not only about love but about myself and what I’m truly capable of in times of great need. I also love unconditionally, so it’s a double-edge sword. A contradiction. I prolonged the breakup because of this unwritten/unspoken all or nothing promise that my love and entire being is now with you so to break away from a relationship is to also go against my own convictions and what I stand for, even if it’s the right thing to do. This type of break up is a lose/lose situation for an INFJ and I’ve since learnt that “door slam” is a healthy self preservation mechanism.

I’ve had two door slams in my life so far and I hope never to go through them again. This statement is good as it is bad because for an INFJ, the only real way to protect yourself from door slam ever happening again is to not love unconditionally. INFJ does not have the capacity to not be able to love unconditionally… those who does becomes a supervillain, capable of destroying humanity in anyone.

The second was my best friend from high school who until only after I turned 31, had been my best friend. It’s unfair for me to divulge that example in public, especially as it’s personal for someone else too so I’ll just leave it by explaining that I tried so very hard and after a final text message, slipped away silently, without anyone else in that group of friends noticing that there was even an issue between us at all even though we we’re fighting endlessly for like six months. They only noticed after a month that I’ve been gone. Then comes the gossips but I was far away protected before the predicted slew of accusations exacerbated the situation. All I said to everyone who dared call me was that I tried my hardest - to a point that it affected my career with my boss telling me to take a few days off work, without him knowing my personal life at all, because I looked stressed.

Why do people want to be INFJ, I don’t know.

It’s not fun at all having what you thought are lifelong relationships but later on in adulthood realising there is no such thing. Even with those you absolutely trust have their own self-interest at heart. And you know this but you still deny yourself the chance of being right most often than not because you truly believe in the good in everything and everyone, especially your nearest and dearest.

To this day, I feel the pain of past experiences. I also feel the happiest moments of my life. Thankfully I tend to think about the future more than I think about the past. The contradictions are real.

I think about the good and bad and the ugly (everything to me has more sides to it than simply black and white). If we agree on every aspect of a topic, then what’s there to talk about? I’d rather have a meaningful debate to challenge each other’s perception of the world.

Emotions run deep for me but my façade will always portray the stoic right-hand advisor of a leader. I don’t really like leading but I do coz I have to.. and I’m not too bad at it. Actually, the emotions are over burdening if not managed carefully. I once quit my long and prosperous career in Immigration, without any backup plan to my family’s shock and horror because of emotions and predicting the future. After 5 years as an Immigration Officer, Profiling Officer and Business Immigration Specialist, I then became an International Advisor directly reporting to the Managing Director of a private company. I knew the policies like the back of my hand and thanks to what I guess we can call “INFJ abilities”, I can quickly tell who are genuine in becoming permanent residents and contribute to the country versus those who are getting married simply because their goal is really about getting the passport [as an example]. But my sense of conviction stood firm and those who were genuine, families wanting a better life but could not afford my fees, challenge my sense of purpose. People who upended their life from one country to live in another and genuinely able to contribute to a new society has to use what little money they have left before I can jump in and help them get permanent residency. It did not sit well with me to the point of depression. So I quit. I felt it was the right choice. The only choice… but I could not explain that to my family or anyone for that matter. Nothing I said made sense to them. The “trust me” and “gut feeling” was not enough that I was called an idiot, crazy, selfish, among others for quitting a job lawyers would kill for if they can get away with it, while I had no degree to my name whatsoever. I felt that I had a bigger calling. A better purpose in life. I knew that I could do a lot more.

I have no degree for many reasons but I also think it’s an INFJ thing, now knowing what INFJ is. I knew I was smart although I didn’t want anyone to know that and I hated being acknowledged as such. I wanted a humble appearance. An A+ student if only the subject had my interest, I will purposefully and willingly fail any paper/subject if only to obtain my desired outcome. I also had the habit of not turning up to an exam if I wasn’t confident that I can ace it. What’s a grade anyway if it doesn’t serve a bigger purpose? A degree is just a piece of paper that easily burns. Knowledge counts for much more, not some grade. Nevertheless, I got accepted to all the universities and any degree I applied for. First I did first year Medicine, next was Genetics, then BioMolecular BioScience, then Commercial Law and finally, Engineering. School is not for me though. My thirst for knowledge was and still is unquenchable but the current education system’s routine felt like a burden to my intelligence but I can’t let anyone know that. I hardly attended lectures but was an avid reader, especially non-fiction. Once I felt I know enough about a topic, on to the next. I don’t need to be a master of any field so long as I know what I felt was “enough” if to work in that field. I got by pretty well not having to show a piece of paper to measure my worth. It might also be worth mentioning that I’ve never not get the job I wanted if given the chance to interview - I have a knack for sensing the answers the panel wants to hear and practically just blurt out answers I’ve earlier prepared and memorise according to whom I was speaking to. After a change of heart with my career, once I’ve set my eyes on Project Management, it wasn’t long before I became one.

In regards to cleaning, I’m a clean freak. Not a neat freak, a clean freak. I will clean the whole house but have my room and wardrobe a bit messy. I don’t really understand why and how this happens as I’ve been trying to curve this behaviour but I’ve since accepted that I can’t have control of everything.

CONCLUSION:

I believe INFJ’s talent is the ability to notice everything even the slightest things like a mosquito in the room and the deep thinking and feeling that goes behind each every second to process this “fact”. Imagine having an automatic process that gets you to come up to a conclusion without knowing how but with pinpoint accuracy. No one will believe you unless they see the mosquito themselves and how it correlates to, say, Amanda’s mood and there’s no point telling people what you’ve just observed anyway. To them it’s just a harmless mosquito. Even if it matters to you, if there are enough people in the room that don’t care, you won’t raise noticing the mosquito in the room. It is a lonely existence.

What truly makes an INFJ an INFJ is that you are 100% selfless, without an iota of a doubt, WILLING and ABLE to sacrifice yourself for the sake of others. You eventually grow up learning some common sense and only show this more often with those who matters most [aka Lois Lane]. Perhaps why there are very few of us is because we die. We jump instinctively to cover a granade with our body to save our comrades [aka Captain America]. Also, perhaps there really aren’t many people in the world who are selfless. The #1 answer to what is it like to be an INFJ is that you feel like your purpose is to make the world a better place and you physically live your life even in misery to make this happen. [Some] Superheroes resonate with you and you truly believe you are one, not simply due to your uncanny abilities no one else seems to possess or your insights that are mistaken as psychic powers but because you will gladly give up your life and indeed your very soul for the best interest of someone else.

Watch Disney’s Aladdin (again f you’ve seen it before) and you’ll see what I mean - uncanny ability to get others to trust him and he willingly gives up his life for the sake of a promise. Did a lightbulb in your head suddenly light up? If not then you’re not an INFJ. Examine Superman or Hercules. Better yet, place close attention to second-in-command [it’s the preferred position of INFJ that I personally call the ‘shadow king’] - they have the ability to be leaders yet stay as the most influential advisors who are often depicted jumping in-front of a bullet and die for their leader. Like Clark Kent to Lois Lane. INFJ do this because they feel that it is the right thing to do - there is a long explanation for this. Often depicted as fictional characters that people only dream of, yet we actually really do exist. As INFJ, we identify with superheroes and grow up believing we are one because they are INFJs too, living in secret to make the world a better place. IRL it is a lonely and heart-breaking existence.

Personally, I’ve since entered the IT world to be of more use to society at large. I have founded and now CEO of my own IT Company. I have also since become an influential figure (in my space of the world anyway) on Diversity and Inclusion. The moment I stop pretending to be someone else and embraced my crazy borderline schizophrenic self is when I truly excel. When I notice a mosquito and it has a negative impact in the future, everyone gets to hunt it down and kill it.

If I was to give an advice to fellow INFJ, it is to take alone time seriously and take it often. By that I mean do it daily but never forget that it should only form part of a few minutes in your hour, an hour or two in your day or a day or two in your week. Use it to write, use some of your reading time to write and it doesn’t have to be perfect since your audience is just yourself. Think of yourself as an iPhone, constantly recharging whenever possible and not getting too bogged down on imperfections. Also, try speaking to mute/deaf people – sign language combines expressions and feelings to communicate, you naturally possess this ability. Know that others like you do exist and you’re not crazy and not the only one who feels like a superhero underneath a costume. Everything else, well, you already know because you’d know yourself and everyone around you better than anyone else so there’s no point of me telling you - you wouldn’t be an INFJ otherwise. This post is really for the non-INFJs.

Apologies for the length of this answer. Again, apparently it is also an INFJ trait.

Better living everyone!