3 Inspiring Reasons Why You Should Say "No!" More Often

in inspiration •  7 years ago  (edited)

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When is the last time you said a straight up "NO" to something?



Were you saying "no" to an idea? A statement? An opportunity? An offer?

What was it that you were saying "no" to and why were you saying "no" to it?

Lately I've been pondering the concept of saying "no" and I've found that it is quite a fascinating and empowering idea to explore...



No Is A Powerful Word

I organize a community group in Austin called "Improv Connection" where we offer free improv classes to the community and teach the basic principles.

The #1 principle - that's literally at the heart of all the teachings - is the concept of saying "yes and...".

"Yes and..." is a statement that refers to the importance of acceptance in any improv scene.


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(Side note: those arrows in the picture are pointing to the huge crowd of children that were watching us play improv during one of our classes lol)


Here's a quick example of why saying "Yes, and..." is important in improv...

When your scene partner suggests a certain reality such as:

"Wow, that's a big brown dog you have there..."

You can either accept that reality by agreeing that there most definitely is a big brown dog with you, or...

...you can say "no" and disaffirm that reality.

Doing the latter (saying no) almost always kills the scene and suddenly places an incredible burden on your scene partner.

Thus, in improv classes, I am constantly encouraging people to say yes more often.

Interestingly enough, today I am about to do the exact opposite...

Today, I'm going to encourage you to say "NO" more often.

And if I had to be honest... it feels a bit weird to do that.

BUT the more I have pondered the concept, the more I feel incredibly inspired to share WHY saying no is so important.

So without further ado, here are my three inspiring reasons why I believe it's important to say "NO", more often...





1. "No" Sets The Tone For The Life You Know You Deserve

Have you ever experienced a time when you were offered something that was just a bit less valuable or a bit less exciting than what you really wanted?

These types of scenarios pop up for me all the time and it's often a very difficult decision to make.

Would you agree?

When something is just slightly off, it can be hard to say no to that thing, can't it?

I've come to realize that these instances are defining moments in our lives.

I say that because these decisions define the value we have for ourselves.

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Have you ever heard the quote:

You get the love you think you deserve...

This is exactly what I'm talking about.

You get the job, the living situation, the partner, the life that you think you deserve.

How?

By saying no to the things that do not resonate, and yes to the ones that truly do.

This is by no means an easy choice to make, especially when we are feeling a lot of the FOMO (fear of missing out) that often fuels any big opportunity.

But when we can say "no" to something that already feels big... we are subconsciously saying "yes" to something much bigger!



2. No Requires Courage: It's A Word That Requires Conviction

When you're in a room full of people that are all saying "yes" to an idea, how easy is it to be the only person in the room saying, "no"?

For most of us, this is not any easy thing to do.

Our nature as human beings is to agree with others.

It's how we survive!

We must at some point find a way to agree in order to move forward.

Thus, when everyone agrees, it's almost a subconscious tendency to go along with that decision even when you personally do not agree with it.

How often do we say yes to the things that we would, if it was life or death, honestly say no to?

I think it happens more often than we would choose to admit.

Saying no when it's not easy to do so, is a courageous act.

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For instance, let's look at the example set by the whistleblower, Edward Snowden...

He's an individual that noticed unlawful acts occurring at the United State's National Intelligence Agency.

He chose to say "no!" to what he was observing.

And although the government, many US citizens, and parts of the world disagreed with his decision, he courageously and boldly said NO to it.

This, in turn, radically impacted the world.

And now, the world sees things just a bit differently.

Saying no is not only a decision, it can often be a revolutionary act.



3. No Is The Ultimate Decision

In the video below I state:

In order to have everything that you truly desire, you have to give up everything that is not that.

Saying no is the only way that we can truly embrace what we really want in our lives.

We live in a constant state of potential.

When we do not make a choice, that potential remains.

One of my favorite movies is "Mr. Nobody."

It's a fascinating story that demonstrates the concept of string theory.

In the movie, the main character states, "As long as you don't choose, everything remains possible."

We can live with full potential, as long as we never make a choice.

However, we cannot have anything until we make a choice!

This is the real conundrum...

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The fact is, in order to get what you truly want in your life, you must be willing to let go of all of it that is not that.

That's the absolute trade off.

Want a better job?

Let go of the job you have.

You can't create space for a new reality, until you've let go of your current circumstances.

Do you think you deserve to receive more love in your relationship?

Then end the relationship that you have.

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Simply put: you cannot get more of what you want by saying "yes" to the things that you do not want.

Whether you want to bleieve it or not, holding onto the things that you don't want is still a yes.

Saying "no" is the point where we literally make a decision or...

A "de-cision"...

"Cision" literally means "to cut off."

When we say "no" we are deciding to cut off a part of our reality that we no longer desire.

This in turn, automatically send outs a big "YES" to everything that we do desire.



You Need To Be Specific

In improv, you say "YES AND" to accept the reality you are creating and to also add more information to that reality.

When you're in an improv scene, the specifics of the base reality aren't important - you just need to have a base reality to operate from.

In life, we already have a base reality, right?

And thus, accepting the reality we desire becomes an incredibly important decision.

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There's a reason why it's important to be as specific as possible when we're setting our goals.

This is simply because there's a lot of decisions to make along the way to achieving that goal.

If we've been very general about our direction, then we'll likely say yes to a lot of things that will deviate us from where we really need to go.

Being specific as to what we want and saying "no" to the things that do not match those desires is a sure proof way to get exactly what we want in life.

The truth is: we can have everything and anything we want.

The catch is: we need to give up everything and anything that is not that to get there.

Question: In your life, have you ever found great benefits in saying "no"? Do you have any interesting stories to share about a great "no!" that led to something even greater? I want to know! Share your stories in the comments below!




Thanks for reading! Did this post bring you value? Was it worth reading? If so, let me know with a comment and/or an upvote! :)




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  ·  7 years ago (edited)

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I really appreciate that @ackza. Also what you said there is what I needed to hear. I do gotta find a way to invest more SP. Its been on my mind lately and Ive been trying to figure out other options since all my invesments are tied up in this temporary bear market. The loan idea makes a lot of sense though and you really sparked my mind there.

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Ahh you wrote some golden words my friend. NO is such a difficult thing to say; to your boss, your SO, your parents, your friends, to anyone.

I think that's why people today are SO flaky. We make plans because we can't say no to someone's face but when it comes time to do what you agreed to do, a simple text making an excuse saying no indirectly is sooo much easier.

Being able to say no to something really shows how much you understand yourself; how much you respect yourself, how much you value your own thoughts over someone else's.

But when we can say "no" to something that already feels big... we are subconsciously saying "yes" to something much bigger!

I really like this. Gotta trust yourself when you truly believe something isn't for you causing you to say no to it.

Wise words @axios! :)

@cabernet that's a great point. One thing that really does bother me, especially in millennial culture (as I am one) is the concept of ghosting. It's like a prime example of how the fear of saying no shows up in our culture.

You are very right that in order to have the confidence and capability to say no, you must really understand yourself. It does require a significant amount of self searching to understand your needs and boundaries in life.

Great stuff here @cabernet! Glad you enjoyed the article :)

  1. Saying 'no' to something that's not EXACTLY what we know in our hearts we need in our lives ~ Provides the space for what is actually needed, to flow into.
  2. Yes going against the status quo takes courage. But saying 'no' to deception from the depth of one's heart, will allow others to also say 'no.'
  3. Yes, in order to have the life you want, you have to let go of all that that substitutes for it and hense prevents it.

All this makes so much sense to me: Key point:

You can't create space for a new reality, until you've let go of your current circumstances.

I said 'no' to the 9-5 lifestyle a long time ago. As an artist, who still needs a roof over her head ~ The road hasn't always been paved with gold. Still, to this day, as I see people with all the things that money can buy, that I don't have ~ I have never regreted my choice.

Thanks @axios. 🦋

I can truly relate to you there @allyinspirit. I am also an artist that works from home and the feeling is very mutual. I would never go back!

So glad you found substance in this post. I really appreciate your thorough breakdown of the points that meant the most to you. Cheers @allyinspirit!

This is a fantastic post. Very simply put, the people in this world with the most power are the ones who are able to say no. No creates power. No defines boundaries. We are taught from a very early age to assent to authority, to please others, to do what is asked of us. But only by being willing to say no can we actually find our path to the things we want to say yes to. It's something I have always struggled with. I have been the happiest I've ever been the last two years. I've said yes to a lot of amazing new things, but it was saying I no longer want to spend time in places I don't feel myself that I actually got there. Saying no can even make you feel more comfortable with hearing no, because you know that it's not so much a massive judgment against you but simply a statement of preference. And of course being willing to hear no is the only way we will achieve our bigger dreams in life.

Very well said here @cygon. The more I explore the concept of "no" the more I value it. You've brought quite a few perspectives here that add to that value. It truly is necessary to achieve the bigger and better things in our life.

Awesome comment. Thank you @cygon!

Great and insightful post! It reminds me of a little joke I shared with a friend shortly after he became a father: We spend the first 2 years of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk, and the rest of their lives telling them to sit down and shut up :) By the same token, we spend the first few years of their lives telling them 'NO!' whilst teaching them our 'yes' and then wonder why they spend the rest of their lives saying 'YES' to everyone else's wishes but their own! Thank you for sharing, some thoughtful, thinking inspiration here.

Ah that's so great - and so true! It begins from a young age... makes me think that I need to be very careful with my words whenever I have children :P

Great post...

Being able to say no in certain circumstances is as important as saying yes.

this is an awesome post. keep it up :) just followed you ^^

Ah that's so great to hear @honeyletsgo! Thank you for the kind words :)

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The most powerful statement is silence.

Motivational post is very important.. I appreciate your post

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Really good post and it's fun that I was just having this conversation with people . . It's definitely empowering to say no!

Thanks @abelartist - it truly is!

powerful words! well written. I'll say YES to this and save my NOs for other things...

YES!! Love it - thank you :)

Wow, this is a really inspiring post. Unfortunately, I am one of those persons who can never ever say no to anything - I'm always scared to make other people feel uncomfortable. Giving up things you don't want in order to say yes to things you really do want makes perfect sense - but I had never seen it from this point of you. Thanks for the inspiration @axios - I will now try to say "no" more often :-)

I hear you @viktoria.elli. It's pretty common to feel that way, especially if you're more on the introverted side or a more developed empath. But I think it's really important to practice saying no - especially when it's scary. The more you do it the more you realize that its actually not that scary AND the other person is only as uncomfortable as you choose to be. So if you can say "no" and be totally chill about it, you usually get a chill response, which suddenly makes the experience seem more normal.

Thanks for reading and sharing Viktoria - glad to hear you'll try saying no more :)

Fantastic post! I often have trouble saying, "no" as a Buddhist. The trouble being that if all things are aspects of the divine infinite, then rejection of those aspects are a rejection of the same. It's easy to forget that my free will and self are equally divine and deserving of the reality I choose.

I hear you @mrkmj. My first impression there would be to just fully accept the concept of rejection. Rejection is no better or worse than acceptance. In fact, they are one in the same, just wearing different masks. I'm saying that from a non-dualistic perspective.

Yet another crackin' post!

The Power of No(w).

:)

It takes courage to stand in ones' truth and draw outside of the colouring lines but through doing so a person discovers who they really are and what they really desire.

I wonder who made you so damn smart!

(I predict great things for you).

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Hope you are having a splendid week.

I am ~ hehe.

xox

The Power of No(w). YES! Great spin on that!

Thank you thank you! This post actually started as a tiny seed in my mind, stemming from a personal experience. But as I created, it became something much more than that (which was surprising!).

But, that's the beauty of playing with the muse :)

I couldn't agree more. Saying No might be a difficult thing to do but it takes away the stress of agreeing to something you are not comfortable with. It might not go well with the person at that moment but most people get to understand why you said No later on.
Nice post

So true, and people who don't or won't respect your wishes usually aren't the people you want to be around anyways.

Great post, not only what you said but how you said it. Love the intro about improv class! :) How did you do the layout of the post?? I haven't really figured out how to write headlines that are larger than the rest..

Hey @tripswithtam if you look just below the article box when youre writing a post, you'll see green words that say something like "mark up style guidelines." It basically tells you how to do headlines there. Pretty simple. When on doubt just google "how to make headlines on steemit" and you'll find useful articles about it

I agree with every point you made. Personally I've always found saying no to be as easy as saying yes. Guess I'm just wired differently. (I happen to be bit of a posterboy for ENTP-Assertive personality type)

I must also add the "Yes" that is told as a "No". Basically it's turn the other cheek done right. Think about scene in Fight Club where the owner of the place they have their Fight Club beat up Tyler Durden. When someone punch you expecting resistance, saying: yeah, go ahead is bit of a F**K You IMO.

I didnt quite follow you until you mentioned the fight club analogy. Yeah theres something about that type of yes no that feels good depending on the circumstance. I feel you there!

Thanks for this very inspiring post, @axios. I don't know why I did not follow you the first time I read one of your posts. They get better each time and this one is no exception.

Thanks for sharing this great work of yours. God bless!

That means a lot man! Always striving to improve. Thanks for the inspiration brother!

  ·  7 years ago (edited)

I really enjoyed reading this- it’s so true. Yet, it’s so not easy to jump into the unknown and let go of our comfort zone- I want to say NO more and not just o my kids in the grocery shops

This post has been selected for curation by @msp-curation by @clayboyn and has been upvoted and will be featured in the weekly philosophy curation post. It will also be considered for the official @minnowsupport curation post and if selected will be resteemed from the main account. Feel free to join us on Discord!