Introduce myself

Write my story ? It’s a long story, and very interesting if I do say so myself. I honestly wish it was a simple story. I’ve been on here for a few weeks just trying to figure things out, finally ready to post.

I’m a first generation American, who grew up in the city. My parents were very strict on my siblings and I growing up. We kinda had it rough. Not much money, parents who didn’t let us do much ( especially us girls ), and lived in a large extended family. This meant no privacy and never alone . It had both its advantages and disadvantages.

Well fast forward many years and I’m done with college. Had many issues with my siblings during my teen years . Growing up with big brothers was rough . Lol. I had met the love of my life ( or so I thought ). I got married against my family’s wishes. I was willing to give up everything and anything for this man. I truly believed in love.

That relationship turned sour a few years ( and children ) into the marriage. He became abusive both verbally and physically. This wasn’t an everyday occurrence, but it happened. Sometimes 6-12 month would go by without an issue. Other times, it could be days in between.

I couldn’t leave him, he was the love of my life. The father of my children. And my family really was against divorce when children are involved.

So , at this point in my life , I am a daughter , wife and mother. For years, we had our ups and downs , until the downs were more than the ups.

Fast forward to a few years ago , we were having issues and were going to separate. I was convinced. Even more so when a friendship turned into love, which is an interesting story for another day.

I was ready to move on , but my guilt that I owed it to my kids to try again, led me to trying again and put things on hold with my new relationship until I figure things out.

Granted things are better in regards to the abuse , but not better in regards to our relationship. I’m still unhappy.

I was ready to make the moves necessary to start moving on. I’ve had the divorce discussion with my kids. I’ve discussed being in an unhappy marriage with my mother. All I was really waiting on was to see if this guy was serious about being with me. Was he going to take the actions he needed to take to show me he was going to be in my life long term. But I think I waited too long to act, so life goes on and people move on.

I may not be happy in my current situation, but I don’t see myself in a better place being alone. If I’m not going to be happy, then why make the change? Why risk my children growing up comfortably with both parents , to be alone and miserable. At least this way , they remain happy. They don’t witness any of the abuse , so in their minds , and in the minds of many others , we are a happy family.