The year was 2013. I sat quietly in the back corner of my family's office in a small secluded work space. I had become perhaps the least productive employee in the building. At the time I was the only person that knew how to operate AutoCAD and their only hope to finish a years worth of backlog "as-built" electrical blueprints. Funny thing was that I didn't exactly know how to use the program. The previous drafter quit after a drug induced mental breakdown, before he could explain how to use the program. Now I can understand why. That job is for robots. No human should be subjected to that kind of torture. No amount of reimbursement is worth being a draftsman... I was also using a lot of amphetamines.
I was a real shit bag. My typical day consisted of waking up late. At which point I would drive into work, sitting in traffic that I would have otherwise missed if I had I woke up on time. That would give me time to check coins prices. Once I arrived I would immediately login to 3 different exchanges. Trading everything from KanyeCoin to Doge to LTC to Redcoin to Weedcoin. I'd open up a blueprint and leave it in the background in case anyone came into my office. Before leaving i'd log my computer into cgminer which I would moderate using teamviewer. At home I had my own rig plugged in pumping out about 13 LTC a day. At the time it all seemed like fun and games rather than serious money. I traded huge amounts of coin daily as if it were nothing. Then came the drugs...
My sleep patterns were eternally fucked. I hated my job and had come to terms with quitting. After sleeping for a few days straight and of not answering their calls I was FINALLY fired! Lost my apartment... and my car... and a majority of my stuff. It was the best thing that could have ever happened to me!
From that point there was about a year that I just didn't really care about anything. I sold all my coins to a friend that was more deeply involved in crypto than I was. Pushed everybody away and legitimately just wanted to die. I had put my entire identity into a career that I absolutely hated to please my family. I was an artist and had spent the last 6 years neglecting that. Everybody I knew thought I was crazy because I was always jacked up on amphetamines talking about digital funny money. I began to think I was actually a crazy person. However, I also knew that I was no fool, so for me to admit that would be absolutely unheard of. Lots of head games...
I decided to quit using after seeing everyone around me spiraling out of control and abusing heroin. I held up in a room at my parents place for about 3 weeks and slept it out... they insisted I went to rehab so I checked myself in... Then checked myself out a week later after they kept referring back to, "Nobody can fix you besides yourself"... In that case, why am I here? amiright? Saved like $17,000 in the process.
Since then it's been a long recovery. I didn't really know what to do or where to start. After all I had lost my motivation and presumably my mojo, my imagination. All I knew was that I wanted to create rather than consume. I had been consuming all my life and it never made me any happier. So I started to make shitty music and draw crappy drawings. This led me to taking crappy photos. Which actually started to look like pretty decent photos... so I ran with that.
I offered to start taking photos for a guy I had met in high school. I had nothing better to do and, as a rapper, he benefited from free photography. Eventually I went on tour to SXSW and up the entire west coast with this same person. Concert photography has opened up a lot of doors for me but at some point it lost it's novelty. I decided I didn't like taking photos of people. Something about developing someone else's image with my creations felt weird. The clubs all started to seem the exact same and you wonder why people waste weekend after weekend doing the same mindless ego walk.
I started focusing on print material going under the name Thousand Word Visuals. My latest photography endeavor involves ink in an aquarium. Pointless, yes, yes... Such is life. After doing weeks of ink drops I discovered that I could do something similar with CGI... and it's been a wrap. In about a week I taught myself 3d modeling, character rigging, UV unwrapping, virtual studio setup, hdri lighting maps, and liquid/smoke particle physics on both Cinema 4d and Blender software.
So finally, before showing some of my latest creations I just want to say that
- I'm tremendously happy creating and sharing pointless art that most people will never see.
- No amount of drugs could have fixed that fact that I was working towards a future I never wanted.
- As much as I want to be known for my creations there is also freedom in being nobody.
- Art (music, drawing, photography, digital) saved my life.
- I'm not a good writer so this is just going to be the format of this post.
RENDERS
VIDEO
Barbie Ink Drop| Tʜᴏᴜsᴀɴᴅ Wᴏʀᴅ Vɪsᴜᴀʟs
You can find more @thousandwordvisuals on Instagram/Facebook
Nothing is pointless...
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POINTLESS PARADOX: But hang on, this entire discussion is pointless so therefore I am.
MAN: Bollocks, it didn't work this time (skulking off home, not feeling as smug as he was hoping).
Some guy (who was watching): Wow that Pointless Paradox really had a point with that one.
POINTLESS PARADOX: No I didn't!
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I think that if you are a good writer you managed to catch me with your story
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I just listen to the mushrooms. The only time I feel at home.
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Well, keep up, friend
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oh, i’m going to enjoy following you—she’s also taught me, 🍄. welcome to steemit.
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Been on the site for a while be recently becoming a lot more active after seeing my SP grow over time. I’ll have to throw together a mushroom photo post if I havent already... Or some monotub teks...
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Good work
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Thank you!
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cool post!
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Thank you for reading! 🙌🏻
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cryptos, drugs and art, what a lethal combination ... lol
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Sprinkled with sex addiction... Not running for office any time soon.
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You have quite an interesting take on society, it put me to thinking :)
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I believe i’m a really nice person and would never wish any harm on anyone...I live by the golden rule. I see most things from both sides so it’s incredibly difficult for me to take sides. This gets me in a lot of conundrums. That said, I have like 1 friend and my gf just broke up with me because I don’t work full time... Despite my savings being significantly larger than hers. lol. Listen, I grew up in mormon family and have always seen right through the bullshit. It’s been a part of who I am from the very beginning. The black sheep in most situations. I catch a lot of flack for saying what I mean and think. Saying how I feel has pushed me to the edge a few times. Cornered by family and everyone close to me because they fail to see anything from multiple perspectives. Pharmacological freedom advocate over here.
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nice sharing congratulations
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nice piece
i can really relate to the need to replace consumption with output, we are kind of force fed everything so it is important to balance this with creative or productive output.
thanks for sharing
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Indeed. I have a growing disgust with popular culture. They beat the same plots/characters/themes like a dead horse. It's not even the media's fault either because people eat that shit up over and over. I don't even have cable anymore. Can't even remember the last time I went to the movies.
I've always been more fascinated by people that put together quality work without an enormous budget. With Hollywood budgets it should be impossible to make junk, yet they succeed in doing so time and time again.
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I love the depth you achieve with your art. That aspect of 3d really makes them come alive.
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It’s actually very interesting how 3d programs work. There is a virtual camera within the program with aperature/shutter speed/focal length settings to adjust the focus point and look of animations. Being a photographer first definitely has given me an advantage.
I also used the real “creation of adam” painting as the HDRI in my recreation... so it’s actually using the original photo to project the luminance and reflection colors in the glass skeletons.
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Excellent @anthonyj I like the story.... keep it up
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That's a powerful story - I had a similar soul crushing first job out of college (validation engineer). Sat in a chair all day, but came home more tired than going in.
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You acquire bills that can only be paid by your current job so you feel trapped and miserable... Making it super difficult to do anything you love when you spend all day doing things you absolutely hate but feel obligated to do... Snowballs slowly but immensely.
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Keep moving forward!! I'm glad to hear you were able to overcome some of the difficult times which you mentioned.. keep doing what you love and are passionate about, that is all that matters, so long you're happy :) I enjoyed your @thousandwordvisuals at the end
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Thank you! That is certainly the plan!
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Dude, in no way are you a bad writer, this was a very refreshing and real read, pleasure to go through.
For reasons of sparing myself eye strain and things, I invert colors on my screen, so all is inverted.
Question.
Are you aware that your art looks bitchin' cool with inverted colors? :D
Check out the glassy awesome:
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Very interesting! Thank you for sharing! I’ll definitely have to mess around with the color on glass objects. Makes it sort of resemble infrared photography.
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The video is super pro quality, epic depth of both visuals and message, content. After my Ayahuasca voyages I've started to see more and more of this "plastic people" effect, trying hard (and failing) to compensate with pills and drugs for jobs or marriages that didn't and couldn't work.
Trying to suppress their own intuition that was giving them on the daily, the correct and sincere message "you don't belong here, go do something else" :)
If you're open to some collaboration work, I'd absolutely be down to explore some themes, I have ideas and sketches that may lend themselves really well to your kind of colored flowing particles.
Umm that sounded a little weird but OK :D
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wow! excellent story! love it
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You've got real talent. Use it, and you'll go far!
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Your story is very dad, but Im glad you decieded to quit and get back on your feet. Just the fact that you realize that you were a sh##bag shows how much progress you did. Keep it up !
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Nowhere to go but up!
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Haha Thank you for sharing.
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hey we all travel to find our cause some sooner than others. Freeing yourself of non essential stuff opens up your creativity. I'm writing about how my life was messed up by my now dead dad. You might find it interesting. Since i like your art, I have decided to follow you awhile. Welcome to steem.
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Great reply! will definitely check out your page! I love to help the steem community any way possible!
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