One More Day to Live, is All I Asked For (Confessions from a Heart Survivor) [Intro]

Hi Steemers!  My name is Michael and I recently turned 35.  =)  I never thought I'd live to this age to be completely honest with you.  It's something that I hoped for, but never was entirely sure that it would come to pass.  

I was born with Congenital Heart Disease (CHD), the doctor that delivered me told his nurse that I wouldn't live to see my first birthday.  He was speaking from experience, his own daughter had been born with the same condition and she died at 4 months old.   I was missing some key parts of my heart and that was the first of many concerns.  When I was 4 months old it was decided that I would undergo a heart surgery at UVA Hospital in Virginia to replace those missing parts and help me live longer.  Mom took me to the hospital and they did an Eco-cardiogram beforehand and were shocked to discover that the pieces of my heart that had been missing.. were now there!  It was my first miracle.. one of many.  They sent me home to a happy mother.  I was able to make it for another 4 years before I had to have my first of 9 open heart surgeries.  It was in January of 1986 I again went to UVA and had a patch put on one of my valves.  Below is a pic of my Dad and I after surgery.  

 
!()   After surgery, I had 7 years to live life and be a kid.  And a kid I definitely was.  Life wasn't easy to say the least, I was growing up in a broken home and my mother had been left to raise 4 kids on her own with me being the last and with a very bad health condition.  Never the less, life was good.  I didn't appreciate life as I do now, looking back, I wish that I had cherished those moments of childhood.  I think that is one of my biggest regrets.  What I would give to go back and relive some of those care free days.  But, alas, we can't look back at what was, we can only look forward to what will be.

At the age of 11, I again grew sick and was told that my mitral valve was failing and it needed to be replaced.  I didn't really grasp what was going to happen, I just accepted it as part of my life and went into surgery with a smile on my face.  I remember the first night in the hospital before the surgery, lying in bed that night, my nurse came into my room and she placed a windup clock on the shelf next to my head and wound it real tight.  She looked at me and in a thick southern accident she said "Now Honey, you is gonna hear a ticking sound for the rest of your life, the Doctor tomorrow is going to place a new heart valve in your heart and you will hear this.  I want you to listen to this clock tonight.. get used to it and learn to love it".  I didn't quite know what she meant.. but I was soon to discover it.  It's a sound that I live with every single day.  Sometimes it drives me crazy.. lol 

A few weeks after that surgery my valve sprung a leak.. I had to go under the knife again for what the doctors called a Konno Procedure. Unfortunately the surgeon lied to my Mom when he told her that he was very familiar with the surgery and during it, he botched the surgery and popped 3 holes in my aortic valve.  It was only after the botched surgery that Mom found out that the surgeon had only performed this operation 3 times in the 10 yrs prior to the one he did on me.  She was furious.  I began to bleed internally.  For 3 months I was driven 2 hrs, 3 times a week to Roanoke VA to receive blood transfusions to keep me alive.  I was slowly dying and getting weaker by the day.  One day, I met a kind old nurse who was retiring from the hospital and when she saw me, she pulled my Mom aside and told her that I didn't have long to live.  She said that she had some connections to a hospital in Minnesota and she was going to get me there.  We didn't know what to do, but the nurse handled everything.  The hospital in MN was called The Mayo Clinic.  Less than 3 days after meeting that kind nurse, she had made all the arrangements and a private air ambulance was waiting for me at our small local airport to take me and my mother to the Mayo Clinic.  It was all paid for by Mayo.  =)  Below is a shot of me boarding the plane.  !()  That nurse... saved my life.  Upon arriving, I had my 3rd heart surgery within a few months to once again save my life. 

A Lease on Life

I had another long reprieve of 7 yrs to again enjoy life before my aortic valve that had been botched previously and although Mayo did all they could, it failed.  In 1999 at the age of 18 I again went under the knife and received my second mechanical heart valve.  Little did I know, 3 weeks after surgery I died at my house.  I had a second chest bleed and this time.. it got me.

Death

What was it like you might ask?  It was at first very scary.  Then.. it became quiet.  So very quiet.  I lost all sound.. I lost my hearing and then a deep coldness entered my body and that feeling started at my feet and traveled up my legs until I felt it go into my head.  As the coldness traveled up my body.. I lost all feeling to that part of my body.. until, I could no longer hear or feel anything.  My breathing was labored and soon.. darkness came.  I remember attempting to stand up.  I was worried that the front door was locked.  You see, what had happened was for 3 weeks I had an internal chest bleed and the blood had formed large clots around my heart and lungs and then those clots burst.  When they burst within me, it felt like someone had stabbed me in the back and the pain was the most intense I have felt in my life.  I knew something was wrong.. I knew that I was dying.  I called 911 and then began to call family members and tell them that I loved them.  My mom was at work and she was over an hour away at the time.

I was all alone when I went.  Darkness enveloped me and took me.    I have read many stories of people dying and having NDE's, (Near Death Experiences).  I didn't have one of those...  but I can tell you that when I came to, the only thing that I can describe is that I felt a thousand suns were rotating around my body.  The doctors called it my endorphin's kicking in..  all I can say is that it was the most wonderful peaceful feeling that I have ever experienced.    You may be wondering how I came back to life, my Aunt heard from family that I was not feeling well and was waiting on the ambulance.  She lived a few miles away and came over when she heard.  She found me on the floor covered in blood.  When the clots burst.. what actually happened was I drowned on my own blood.  The blood collapsed one of my lungs and I drowned.  She checked my pulse, there was none.  She called 911 and they walked her through CPR.  She brought me back to life. It took another 15 mins for the ambulance to arrive, we lived in the woods and the ambulance got lost trying to find our house. 

Another Plane Ride! 

A week later while I was in the ICU at Baptist Hospital in North Carolina, once again.. the Mayo Clinic sent down an Air Ambulance for me.  I was loaded on the private plane and sent back to Mayo where they did a thoracic surgery on me, they went through my back and removed 15 blood clots the size of the doctors hands which were on my heart and lungs, the doctor said he had never seen anything like it and I was lucky to be alive. For the next few years, I had a new heart surgery every 2-3 years to fix one problem after another. 

One Last Goodbye

There are dates in our life that just stand out.  Things that we don't forget.  The date that stands out for me is August 4th 2006, as I write this, I am getting ready to celebrate my 10th year of lease on life!  I found myself once again at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester MN and was about to undergo another heart surgery.  My 11th.    To say I was scared would be an understatement.  I had made my peace with God and with my life.  I was ready for anything.. yes.. even to die.  I had accepted my fate.  The night prior to my surgery, I spent most of the night wide awake.  I sat in my bed staring at the clock on the wall across from me and I watched as the minutes ticked by.  I thought of my life.. of all the trials and tribulations I had been through.  I remembered surreal moments of walking through the family garden as a kid as I struggled to push the tall standing sunflower plants out of the way as I made my way into the corn maze.  I remember looking up between the thick green leaves and seeing the blue sky and wondering what was behind that sky.. what marvelous creations lay above and beyond.    I traveled through my childhood and then the teen years.. remembering family, friends, adventures, great sadness's and wonderful moments of joy.  Life had not been an easy walk.  But here I was.. about to go under the knife again.  

As I sat there.. I thought about the future.. what my goals and dreams were and what I would do with just one more day.. if I was given that chance.  I called the nurse in and asked for a pen and some paper.. she smiled and returned a few minutes later with a stack of paper and a pen.  I spent the next few hours writing out letters to my family and then my friends.  Thanking them for the wonderful times and joys we shared.    Oh!  What I would do.. just for another day.. that was on my mind.. as I begged God for another chance.. another life.. another moments.. just one..   I could hear the sounds outside of the room as the nurses changed their shifts and I saw the light of the sun rising through the shadows outside as dawn was upon me.  That is when I then heard a very familiar noise.  You see, over the years.. I have trained my ear to hear the exact way my mom's heels fell on the linoleum floor as she walked down the hallways to my room.  I swear, I can pick that noise up at least two corridors away! =)  Sure enough, a few moments later, Mom enters the room and sits down next to me quietly.  I know that these moments are more stressful on her than I.  She too must be thinking it would possibly be my last with her.  She and I silently held hands and let the moments go by sharing intimate silence between us that only a Mother and son can share that have been through such difficult times.    We heard a knock at the door and as we called out, a nurse entered with a stretcher in tow.  She helped me climb aboard and removed my glasses.  They also took off a necklace that I had on and then Mom leaned in and kissed me on my forehead saying she loved me and would be waiting for me to come out.  I begrudgingly let go of her hand as they wheeled me off.  In my last blurred vision, I could see a spot that I knew was mom walking down behind us.. as far as they would allow her to go as they took me into the pre-op room.   

Awakening

!()  Waking up was a wonderful feeling.  Knowing that I had made it.  I had wished for just one more day and I got it!  After my breathing tube had been removed, I heard some music playing in the background.  I thought I had heard the tune before and I asked the nurse what it was.  She said, it was called 'I'm Alive' by Celine Dion.  I took that on to be my theme song and it's in the video below that I made of my last surgery.

On August 4th 2016, just 8 days from today, I will celebrate my 10th lease on life.  I remember each anniversary and celebrate it like a birthday, because in a certain sense, it is a reminder to me of how precious life is.. and how wonderful the gift of life that I have been given.. and in many ways.. have taken advantage of.  

Hope

Dear Reader, whoever you are.  I want you to know that your life is priceless.  Don't squander another day.  Don't take another day for granted, live each day like it's your last.  Hug your loved ones, tell them you love them, don't hold grudges, forgive those who you are angry with.  Don't let the darkness invade the peace in your heart.  Life is truly precious.  

No matter the background you come from, no matter the sorrows and pain you have experienced in your life.  You are loved!  You have a mission in this life.. something that you were sent here to complete.  Some people discover this mission early on in life and others don't find it until they are old in the tooth. =)  But you have a mission nonetheless.  Don't listen to the negativity of the world that tells you that you can't do something.. you can and you will!

YOU ARE WORTHY.  

My Grandfather used to tell me when he was going down for a nap that he was about to go on 'The Great Escape'.  I didn't really understand his meaning until I got older and realize what he meant.  Each day is a brand new page in our life story.  Each day is unique in and of itself.  It's a wonderful gift, because we get to start over every single day.  The slate has been cleared and we can start fresh.  I think of this as a mini death in a certain sense.  As we lay down to sleep, we die in a sense, our bodies go into a deep sleep where the molecules, die and are reborn, our bodies heal themselves and when we wake in the morn, it is a brand new day, as if we have been born again, given new life, new energies, and a new mission.  And then at the night comes to a close we do it all over again.  

Before I close my eyes.. I thank God for the day, for the life I have been given.. and I ask for one day more.. just one.. that I can make a difference in my life and those lives of my loved ones.  

May your life be one filled with joy!  Pax et Lux! (Peace & Light).

Michael