A man walks into a bar and finds an old man sitting at the bar and a dog, lying on the floor, whimpering. The young man asks, "Why is your dog crying?" To which the older man responds, "She's laying on a tac.".
"Silly dog! Why doesn't she just get up?", the young man laughingly asked.
The old man takes a sip of his beer then responds, "I guess she just doesn't hurt bad enough yet."
This is where my story begins:
Have you ever hurt bad enough to actually do something about it? Or has life been just comfy enough for you to make excuse after excuse? ...Mine was the latter.
Recently, I've traded in my bad life for a worse one. I was barely surviving from paycheck to paycheck. So, I did what any sensible person wouldn't do! I quit my job, packed a bag, and jumped on a plane to move 1500 miles from home.
...It wasn't long until things got "real".
I went from a life with family and friends all around, to practically no one, and nothing. For the first month, I sat in fear and anxiety about walking outside.
"Where can I go? I'm broke!". I had so much fear that someone would rob me of what little stuff that I did have, that I felt paralyzed. I was falling apart on all fronts and began facing suicidal thoughts again.
Until everything finally clicked for me!
- What is fear?
- For me, I view fear just the same as cold.
- What is cold?
- An absence of heat.
- What is heat?
- Energy.
- So what is fear?
- An absence of love.
- And what is love?
- Trust.
When you trust in others, you love them. When you trust in yourself, you love yourself. Trust that you are human enough to make it through this wild thing we call life! Know there's so much more to be experienced between your birth and your death than just things, other's opinions, or even that which you leave behind. Don't define yourself based on how others perceive you. You'll only ever find they never had a clue what they were talking about to begin with.
You wouldn't take money advice from someone who is broke, right? Than why would you listen to people who are too afraid to live their own lives?
You came into this world without things & stuff, and so shall you leave this world the same. This is the first clue that the only thing you can fill it with are experiences. "Collect them all!"
No longer do I chase things, nor do I care to collect stuff, or even worry about a place to keep that which I have. I've given myself to the universe. I've done so because I love myself, and I'm no longer afraid of the choices I'll make. I've learned to listen my own heart, and not the voices of others, who live in their fear soaked minds.
If other's choose to saturate themselves in mainstream media and other programmed means, I can not listen to them. Because sadly, they're still asleep. They haven't woken up to realize that everything behind that machine is made to squeeze every bit of money out of them based on manipulating their emotions.
To find your own voice, and to learn how to trust in yourself, it's a challenge. But the ROI is better than anything you'll find outside of self.
So, what has this whole experience taught me, specifically?
That in order to change your life, you must first be willing to let go of the things which held you back. Do you really need everything in your closet? Or are they just more links along the chains which bind you?
I went from having not much, to practically nothing. I want from safety and security, to stepping into the unknown, everyday. I went from having friends who I didn't appreciate because I felt they never understood me, to finding a few people along my way who have literally saved my life. Maybe they didn't get me, but they know what it is to hurt, and they've reached out to be my friends when I thought I had absolutely no one.
And all of this was MY choice. No one made me quit my job. No one suggested I do something insane! ...But I just couldn't live another day of this life so deeply unhappy with the life I was living, or the excuses I was making.
It's hard to accept the life you've built isn't what you want, but you know it. You can feel it, deep down where you've shoved it for years. It's even harder to get up off of your ass and stop making excuses when you're fed and really don't need to do something about your situation. But if we've learned anything from those who've come before us, it's that tomorrow never comes. "Tomorrow", is just another excuse to put off what needs to be done today.
Long story short:
Once I woke up and took account of the life I was holding on to, I decided to let it go. I threw away everything familiar in order to forge a new me, and an authentic life.
I think you're starting to get an idea of where my life is. This post isn't to piss & moan about my woes, but rather to tell you that, I AM TIGZ, AND I AM A DIGITAL NOMAD!
I'm not this because I found a way to do it. I decided I wanted it more than anything else. So I let everything else go.
I've learned to trust in the universe. I've learned to accept love when the universe provides it. And I still aim to put more good into the world that I take out everyday.
I honestly wouldn't be where I am today or the man which I am today without Alan Watts. So I would like to leave you with one of (my many) favorite pieces from him:
What will my blog be about?
I don't fully know exactly what I plan to blog about just yet, but I'm done wasting time trying to decide... trying to label who or what I am. The moment you attach a label to me is the moment I cease to be able to be anything else. If you say I'm a man, I'm expected to do only manly things. If you say I'm a writer, than I'm expected only to write.
All labels went out of the window for me once I understood that labels bind and trap our minds into things we may not want to be tomorrow. And for this reason, the only label I wish to carry today, is Digital Nomad, as it's the most accurate description of the life which I've living, and not merely the skills I carry with me. I'm done labeling myself in a way which tells society where I belong.
I am human.
I belong.
I don't want to be great at anything. I want to be happy doing everything!
I AM TIGZ.
I AM AWAKE
I AM THANKFUL
...and I want to share with all of you just how amazing this life can truly be once you learn how to let go and trust in yourself. I'm not here to teach you. I'm not here to tell you. I'm here to show you!
I'm at a point where I have few new friends, but people whom I literally wouldn't be here without. They've shown me humanity in my time of humility, and they're 'angels'.
My family is far, far away. My life is finally and truly in my hands, and my hands alone. Currently I'm homeless with just my bags and no money.
My entire life, others have done a great job convincing me that I need money to be happy. Yet even when I had it, I wasn't. Even when I earned more degrees, started new careers, I still wasn't.
It wasn't until I understood that money is a unit of measurement, just the same as inches. Having no money doesn't take away my ability to eat good food when it's offered, just as much as it doesn't mean you can't be dry when it's raining outside. I have no money, but I'm far from starving and I've managed to have shelter long enough to struggle with how to say hello for a month.
But of course, you still think money is needed to 'live'. Maybe you'll die without it, but I've decided to end the compulsory thirst for money.
These days, I live my life one day at a time, one event at a time. And I've found that life begins the moment you stop chasing money, and start chasing LIFE!
Some people just get it right away. Perhaps I was a bit more dense than the rest. I needed a hard reality check. I needed life to truly hurt on levels that I've never felt before. Even when you think your life is bad, is it really bad enough to do something about it? At that point, you have 2 options:
- Do something about it.
- Accept the life you're unwilling to change.
To anyone who thinks, "That's easy for you to say...", I promise you, it's easier to do than to think about what could be. Trust in yourself to free yourself, because I promise you, no one else will ever do it for you.
Expect Moar!
Look everyone, I'm not a writer (as if it's not obvious by now, lol). I'm not great at even putting my thoughts together. And I'm terrified of putting myself on a world stage to be judged and potentially have my ass handed to me. But honestly, I'm okay with it. I put myself in this exact situation (yes, on purpose), so that I can dig deep enough to forge the life I wish to live. Not the life I'm told or expected to live. Not the life I'm able to live based on how many hours of my day I trade for dollars.
I can only hope that others find value somewhere within all of my ramblings. If not, it's only the feedback that I need to push harder, write more, and apply more effort. So expect more to come from me. Much more.
To those who've made it to the end, I know it was long but thank you for your time in getting to know a little about me and my story. I wish you all the very best in all of your life's endeavors.
Fair winds & following seas, steemit. <3