Jokes collection

The Perfect Son. 

A: I have the perfect son. 

B: Does he smoke? 

A: No, he doesn't. 

B: Does he drink whiskey? 

A: No, he doesn't. 

B: Does he ever come home late? 

A: No, he doesn't. 

B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he? 

A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.

Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things. 

Boy: What are the two things? 

Girl: Your feet. 

Submitted by Bob Waldman

A family of mice were surprised by a big cat. Father Mouse jumped and and said, "Bow-wow!" The cat ran away. "What was that, Father?" asked Baby Mouse. "Well, son, that's why it's important to learn a second language." 

Submitted by BH LEE

My friend said he knew a man with a wooden leg named Smith. 

So I asked him "What was the name of his other leg?"

(Try this one with your students the next time you are teaching a lesson that includes this type of grammer.)

The doctor to the patient: 'You are very sick' 

The patient to the doctor: 'Can I get a second opinion?' 

The doctor again: 'Yes, you are very ugly too...'

I use this joke for retelling in reported speech. 

Submitted by: Adriana Luchetti

A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts." 

The doctor asks, "What do you mean?" 

The man says, "When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee - OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts." 

The doctor says, "I know what's wrong with you - you've broken your finger!" 

Submitted by Sean McLoughlin

Patient: Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea. 

Doctor: Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink. 

Submitted by: Irene Pellegrini

Patient: Doctor! You've got to help me! Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say.

Doctor: Next please! 

Submitted by Marco Morales, Mexico