Joke 1

Vonnegut

Original post: http://bit.ly/2G9VmJe

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Joke 2

Silence is golden when you can't think of a good answer. - Muhammad Ali

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Joke 3

One night, a horny old geezer decides to get himself a hooker. Since the man doesn't have much money, he looks for the cheapest whore in the nearest Red Light District. A short while later, he finds what he's looking for and spends $10 for oral sex and intercourse. The next morning the old geezer wakes up and discovers he has crabs. So, he gets dressed and heads down to where he had been the night before. He notices the same hooker on the street corner, so he marches over to her and says, "Hey, lady, you gave me crabs!"

The hooker replies, "Hey, old man, what did you expect for $10? Lobster?"

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Joke 4

Q: How much is a skunk worth?
A: One scent.

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Joke 5

A Scotsman, who was planning a trip to the Holy Land, was aghast when he found it would cost fifty dollars an hour to rent a boat on the Sea of Galilee. "Hoot mon," he said, "in Scotland it wouldna ha been more than $20."

"That might be true," said the travel agent, "but you have to take into account that the Sea of Galilee is water on which our Lord himself walked."

"Well, at $50/hour for a boat," said the Scotsman, "it's no wonder he walked."

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Joke 6

A young lady was a theater major applying for fall semester classes. At the end of the busy day she goes back to her dorm and enters in a huff of anger.

"What's wrong, Shelly?" Asks her roommate.

"Well, all the acting classes are filled. I couldn't even get into Mime class."

"Why not?"

"How should I know? You can't get a word out of those people!"

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Joke 7

A Mexican maid asked for a pay increase. The wife was very upset about this and asked: 'Now Maria, why do you feel you deserve a pay increase?'

Maria: 'Well Señora, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you do.'

Wife: 'Who said you iron better than I do?'

Maria: 'Your husband said so.'

Wife: 'Oh.'

Maria: 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you are.'

Wife: 'Nonsense, who said you are a better cook?'

Maria: 'Your husband did.'

Wife: 'Oh.'

Maria: 'My third reason is that I am a better lover than you are.'

Wife (really furious now): 'Did my husband say that, as well?'

Maria: 'No Señora, the gardener did.'

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Joke 8

Q: Why did the farmer bury all his money in his fields?
A: He wanted rich soil!

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Martin Luther

Original post: http://bit.ly/2CGaQm4

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Originally post at: https://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2018/03/daily-jokes-from-sydesjokes-for-9-mar.html

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