My TTC journey.
I thought I would always be the girl with faint lines & negatives month after month. Dealt with this for years & when I did get a faint line id sneak to the bathroom multiple times a day & obsessively look over a line that I wasnt sure was even there or if itd stick this time.
Whenever I got an evap (the faint line that shows up after time frame) I'd get excited even knowing that it was an evap because seeing a line there regardless of it being an evap always gives you a little hope & excitement right!?
It became very depressing. My doctors I could tell felt I was crazy but they arent in my boat and don't have to deal with what I deal with every single month.
Family & friends always asking when we are going to add a little one in our life & us not having an answer... Them not know that we have been trying with no success or are dealing with a miscarriage at that exact moment. It hurts.
Trying to conceive is NO joke. It brings a bunch of ups and downs. A ton of emotions weve never felt before.
Ive prayed & prayed over and over. Not understanding how God can just ignore me!?
December was the month I gave up. The month I decided to leave it in God's hands and accept whether or not I will ever have a child or not. I spent my tww being calm and relaxed. Not keeping track of how many dpo (days past ovulation) I was and I literally had not one symptom besides cramps around my expected period. I randomly decided to test with a first response knowing AF was on her way & I was going to be out yet again and I couldnt believe my eyes. It was a BIG FAT STRONG POSITIVE!!!➕
The day that I could finally say im going to be a mom & I honestly dont think it'll ever hit me that THIS.IS.REAL.
I am SO thankful. I am SO blessed.
I will forever have 100% faith in God. 