A Slice of my Transgender Life

I want to start off by saying that this is purely my own account. Some may align with other transgender people, but in the end (just like any non-trans/cis person) it boils down to the individual. This is meant to provide some small insights on what it is like, especially for those of my generation. The internet coming around changed a lot of things by making it possible to anonymously being able to find that there were others with similar feelings.

[NOTE: Feel free to ask questions. I'm happy to try to provide information to those who are honestly curious. However I will simply ignore (and potentially flag) comments that try to allude that they know my life better than I do since nobody has more info about me than me. If you don't care for the transgender topic, don't read this.]

Younger Years

Over the years it became more and more apparent that I just didn't "fit in" with social norms. I can remember as far back as kindergarten at age 5, hanging out with the girls during recess, thinking nothing of it. At the time it didn't even occur to me that this wasn't typical, until I started getting picked on by a specific bully in first grade.

I had tended to wear my "emotions on my sleeve," being quick to start crying. This created that nasty feedback loop for the bully, being able easily get me to break into tears. It's worth noting that back then I had no concept of transgender, the internet didn't exist, and it wasn't spoken about by those who did know. My response at the time was to just bottle up any sort of external emotion (even though I inwardly still felt them) so that I could simply be left alone, flying under the radar.

Within a few years this strategy of not showing anything emotional (or what could be perceived of as feminine) worked to, for the most part, stop the bullying. I became extremely hypersensitive to how anything could be perceived, which while helpful to understand others, meant I had a thick filter on what of my actual self came through.

During my early schooling, the Gay Awareness campaign ramped up into full swing. A few classmates found that they had this sexual orientation made sense for them, however I did not. I did date some girls over the years, but I always still felt "off." Until I went away to college, when I felt free reign to anonymously search the internet, did I start coming across others that didn't feel their internal gender matched their biological sex. This was the spine chilling experience, for the first time in my life, of that overwhelming sense of "YES!" I found something that I seemed to match up with. It was still more than a decade before I actually told the first person that I felt I was transgender, but this was the beginning of things starting to make sense.

Coming Out

For a very long time, I would experiment with dressing in female clothing, trying to get a better sense of what I wanted out of this. The concept of telling anybody was scary beyond belief. Would they laugh at me? Would they freak out? I even felt this fear at telling my close friends which logically I figured would be fine with it, but emotionally it was a different story.

At this time most of the media on transgender people was overwhelmingly negative, murders, beatings, etc. This made it extremely difficult in not only telling friends/family, but also going out into public in general. This made the concept of passing very important for me, for fear of similar things happening to me. It was a lot easier to not be 'looking over my shoulder' constantly, which really just made me stand out even more, when I did go out in public.

Over about 5 years I slowly told more friends, going to their places 'dressed how I identified,' telling my family and generally getting more comfortable. In general however, I still had to 'present male' when running general errands or go to work, not being fully 'out' or going 'full-time.' After about a year and a half in counseling, I decided to just say "screw it, this is want I want," presenting as a female all the time and six months later finally starting hormones.

A Few Definitions

It's worth noting here the difference between a few terms that some incorrectly use interchangeably.

Transgender: A person who feels their internal/mental gender doesn't align with their biological sex at birth. A transgender person identifies as this internal gender, in my case female, even though born a biological male.

While almost all transgender people end up (or want to be) on hormones and/or living 'full-time' as the gender they identify as, only about 33% of transgender people have had sexual reassignment surgeries.

For the majority of transgender people, getting on hormones and socially transitioning is sufficient. Many state they want, but don't get the surgeries due to the cost, averaging $30,000 in the US (which not all insurance companies cover.) About 3 of 4 male-to-females have had or want surgeries, with 80% and 90% of female-to-males wanting having or wanting hysterectomies and chest surgery respectively.

Few Stats (for those who like to argue things purely as rhetoric): About 20% male-to-female's have had breast augmentation and/or bottom (Orchiectomy and Vaginoplasy) surgeries, with a little over 40% of female-to-males having chest surgery (removal/reshaping,) just over 20% having hysterectomies and 2-4% having bottom surgeries (Metoidioplasty and Phalloplasty.)

Crossdresser/Transvestite: A person who wears clothes for the opposite sex, but typically don't identify as the opposite sex. Most crossdressers identify as straight men. They very rarely have surgeries or live full-time as the opposite sex.

Drag King/Queen: A person to dresses as the opposite sex as a performs as an entertainer, but typically don't identify as the opposite sex. Most drag kings/queens identify as homosexual men/women. They very rarely have surgeries or live full-time as the opposite sex.

Politics Came to Town

Over the last handful of years transgender gotten a lot more media exposure, Laverne Cox, Kristen Beck and others leading the way at first. (Caitlyn Jenner came way later and really isn't a spokesperson for the trans-community with her really being a 'newbie' having a ton to learn.) Even though many states, counties and cities had already passed bills adding gender identity (and sexual orientation) into non-discrimination coverage, the new media created large blowback on this. I got a first hand account of this when I lived in Springfield, MO and you can read more on it in a previous post here.

The video that had been included isn't working in it anymore and since I can't edit that post, I'm including it here. Keep watching through the whole thing, there is a twist you have to see.

Being Transgender in the Dating Realm

Prior to telling that first friend that I was trans, I didn't talk with anybody about it. This also included giving information or getting into discussions that could even lead to that topic. This essentially created an extremely large 'wall' that made it difficult to comfortable get close with anybody. Long story short, I wasn't in any sort of dating relationship for about 20 years. I got very good at being single and was content enough connecting with friends outside of that.

I rarely started conversations with people I didn't know in public anyway, but dating took this to a whole new level of complexity. Especially when you couple this with the fact that the dating realm is where most people who have a 'likelihood to freak-out' would occur, it was just flat out frighting. Also, there's really not an organic way of telling somebody you just met that I was trans (if they didn't know,) always requiring some lead-in akin to "So...I need to tell you..."

Without getting too into it (since I still tend to be a private person) I've now been with my boyfriend for about 15 months now. We met online, where it's much easier for me to just state upfront that I'm trans. I prefer to just tell people that upfront, since it's just not something people are looking for (which is fine, we all have preferences) and prevents 'surprises.

Closing Fact: 40% of Transgender People have attempted suicide due to friend/family rejection, discrimination, abuse and trans-phobia.

-Source

Feel free to ask questions if you have them. I'm happy to provide information where I can. Many people don't know transpeople they can ask and this is your opportunity.

Some of my Previous LGBT Posts:
My Transgender Journey
Transgender: Ask Me Anything
What is Gender?
What is Non-Binary, Genderqueer or Genderfluid
Uplifting Transgender Stories
Introduction and Plea from a Midwest Transwoman
Non-Non-Discrimination Laws, What!?!?! Yep, you heard that right.

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Image Sources:
Side by Side Picture --Yep, both are me.