Cheating in marriage

It is quite difficult and, unfortunately, a fairly common phenomenon in contemporary Ukrainian society.Adultery - voluntary sexual intercourse between a person who is in a marriage, and a person who is not her husband or wife (see here).

Why it happens marital betrayal? After all, the couple, in most preparing for marriage, do not even allow such thoughts. And this is the first mistake that can lead to the possibility of betrayal (just possibilities, not guarantees).Young lovers surely think they are not as at all", "they love" and therefore "nothing wrong between them is not going to happen." But they traditionally confuse love (which is fast enough) with this love (which still need to exert a lot of effort and time). The couple still do not know about family crises and do not quite understand the needs of each other, and therefore can not imagine that change is possible... And eventually sex on the side seems like the only way out of the terrible situation in their own marriage, itself fleeing from a family crisis and emotional release.

Therefore psychologists advise newlyweds to discuss the question of adultery, their relationship, the different alternatives out of this situation and the possibility of forgiveness at the stage of engagement. This is one of the most important issues for responsible preparation for marriage.

Another reason for infidelity is a strict condemnation of others, and too confident a belief "I would never do that", "we never will". Sayings "never say Never!" and "don't judge another!" is the truth. In my opinion, allowing the experience that people strongly condemns in others and deny for ourselves, God gives us the opportunity to become more tolerant, learn to accept others and to see them as Divine. Gives you the opportunity to learn not to judge others, and more involved in their own development, see "the log in your own eye".

Another factor of the prevalence of adultery there is a stereotype of "free love" that prevail in the modern European world. These stereotypes encourage young people on sexual relations before marriage, on change partners, irresponsible, temporary relationship and a civil marriage. If all these things are present before marriage, why they should disappear after marriage? It's so easy - do not fit together, why suffer when there is an easy and familiar way? Relieve stress and feel/Oh.

Now let's drill down, what is treason. In most men it is just sexual intercourse that satisfies its physiological needs. It can happen once in a lifetime and often never repeated. Especially when after infidelity a man reconsiders his values and priorities in life after infidelity (which could be a rash act in circumstances that greatly contributed to this). If people still put the value of family and relationship with his wife in the first place, spouses can pass this crisis.

If for a person crucial in the relationship on the side in a relationship if he is looking at another woman what can't find his own wife (admiration for him, respect him, treat him like the man in the end), then the cheating develops in a new relationship and family breakdown. To save spouse then it is very difficult... But for the sake of the children both parents can make the effort.

If a woman changes, it is, most likely, will not only intercourse. On the contrary, before sexual intercourse, the case could not be reached. Woman trying to satisfy their natural needs, tend to look for another man that can not give your. She's looking for a companion who is willing to listen, who knows how to accept her emotions and give her support and protection. Who will see her as a woman - beautiful, gentle, emotional, weak end (not the cook, the maid, the nanny, and even one that earns money in the family budget). So flirt like women, but to bring the matter to the intimate relationship women do not really want. Yet the value of family for them is usually fundamental.

How to characterize treason? Just as sexual intercourse between a person who is in a marriage, and a person who is not her husband or wife? I think this definition is incomplete, because, as I wrote before sexual intercourse can not reach. But the relationship with another man or woman can be much deeper, more openly, in a word, more intimate than with her own husband or wife And to stop this revolt, to restore normal relations in the family is extremely difficult, much harder than to forgive a sexual act without much affection...

So I want to emphasize that cheating is not a phenomenon, it is a process that involves two. And these two are spouses, i.e. husband and wife (not the husband and the mistress or a wife and a lover, as one might think). It was the husband and wife, building their relationship in marriage, bring or cross out the possibility of betrayal. When we got married just for the sake of their own interests, trying to satisfy his own Ego and do not care about the natural needs of the partner, in the end, the partner will look for an opportunity to meet these needs as something else... And it is hard to say who is more to blame? Yes, and need because both difficult in a situation of infidelity.

As I wrote, the spouses may go through a crisis, having lived treason, only together. This means that the one who betrayed, I must admit. And understand for themselves the priorities of marriage. And then the work begins with forgiveness and acceptance. And here we are talking not only about forgiveness from the one who stumbled, but each other (because treason involves both spouses), and also yourself. It is a long process, because you need to truly forgive and partner, and yourself, as well as to restore confidence. Continue to build relationships another level, a qualitatively different relationship because the previous has led to treason.

I want to mention one caveat to the wives. Men, as a rule, treating your wife like the best and not very much to criticize in front of others. It is natural for men because in this way they humiliate themselves (because to admit to another that we have something better - it's "not cool" and is very demeaning to his manhood). But women somehow love to compare their husbands with other ("but the neighbor's hat was"). This is a huge mistake, because the man wants to be a hero to his wife, wants to be the best! And if he clearly understands that it is not... then he seeks that he is, after all, be the best! Because it is his main natural need! It is also important that the woman may not even aloud to make comparisons, the husband simply feels. This is well understood, admire You and respect You or just feel sorry and do not take...

Therefore, I emphasize again that cheating is a process, an opportunity which the couple works together. And out of this process, you together!