Leap of Faith

Am I worth it? really worth it?
Am I really deserving for her?
Will I be a reward? A blessing?
or just a burden to her.

Am I ready? If not, how can I?
Do I really love her unconditionally?
Am I really the one for her?

How can I truly know?
Am I ready to face the reality?
Am I capable of giving her what she needs, what she deserves,
and what she wants?

Can I make her happy?
Can I give her the best treatment that she deserves?
Do I have a goal for us?
Do I really rely on God in everything?
Am I really a faithful servant?
Do I really pursue her highest good?
Am I really glorifying the Lord?
Do I really belong to Him?

Lord, I am really and greatly burdened that I can't even ask her how she was.
I felt so helpless, I felt so disappointed with myself not able to do anything. Even plead, even bargained with her.

I don't know how long her love will last with this set of boundaries. no communication, no calls, no texts, no small talks, not even being with her.

Wanted to cry. wanted to scream. wanted to talk to someone. wanted to do something stupid and extreme just to vent out these emotions.

Do I have to stop?
Do I have to continue pursuing her? her mother? her relatives?

Preparing myself.

How can I prepare myself?
What should I do?
Do I have to engage on some business?
Can I make it?
Do I have to ask for assistance from my family?

Lord, help me for I am a hypocrite.
A procrastinator. wicked. not a good steward of Your time.

Help me to become a better person,
a better son to You, a better man for I am worthless.

I can't even help my family financially,
so how am I suppose to start my own?

How can I sustain them? provide for them while my family struggles financially and relationally.

How can I help them to know God and fully accept Him as their Lord and personal Saviour.

PRAY WITH A FAITH-FILLED HEART

"If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask in prayer. Whatever mountain stands in your path, whatever obstacle blocks your way, whatever difficulty immobilizes you, the prayer of faith can remove it.
We should not focus on the mountain - faith comes from looking at God not at the mountain."

Matthew 21:21-22

My prayers were pitiful because I was looking at my own inadequacies instead of God's adequacy.

so what's next?