Reactions and Happiness

The first step in the self-exploration process is to identify the reactions and happiness you have when other people make you laugh, make you cry, show you a new side of yourself, or offer congratulations. Think back to times when you received a warm smile from a friend, shared in a joke, or even heard someone say something great. When did these happen for you? When were you at your happiest? What aspects of life do you find most fulfilling and happy?

Once you have identified the emotions you felt during this "aha" moment, ask yourself what made that moment so great. Did the other person present an aspect of themselves that you found attractive? Was there a quality about them that you found attractive? Was there a situation or opportunity that came up that attracted you greatly? The best way to find the answer to these questions is through self-experimentation and observation. This will allow you to discover the reactions and happiness you have when various activities and people happen to you.

Next, pay attention to your own reactions and happiness. Look for the feelings of both arousal and relaxation. Arousal occurs when we are in a highly stimulating state such as dancing, playing games, working on a project, or having social contact. Relaxation occurs as we come into contact with things that remind us of the present moment or are soothing in nature. Notice how you feel when you experience one or both of these states. Then pay attention to your inner thoughts and the thoughts and feelings you associate with each state.

When you notice that your inner thoughts and feelings are connected to your feelings of arousal and relaxation, write them down. Keep your list short; two or three items per category works well. You can then begin to focus your energy away from negative things and toward the positive. If there are many negative thoughts and feelings associated with the tasks at hand, consciously choose the positive instead. You may also want to create an inner monologue for this purpose; naming your inner enemy is a great way to fight it.

Pay attention to your inner voice as well. If you are constantly telling yourself you are not happy, find ways to convince yourself it is otherwise. Think about how pleasant it would be to be in a very positive state. This will help you to shift your focus away from negative thoughts to more positive ones.

Your personal re reactions and happiness are closely related to your physical state. Physical activities that produce happiness release endorphins (feel good hormones). Physical activities also create a feeling of well being. A sedentary lifestyle creates unhappiness and poor health, whereas physical activity promotes both inner and outer happiness.