💛It's Time To Take Responsibility For Yourself My Darling💛

Sometimes my life has been pretty darn shit.
Like REALLY.

It may seem to some people that they are ‘luxury problems’ because I live in a place where I have adequate food, a roof over my head and can have a good life.

But the reality is that the emotional pain I have been through has been so damn immense, it could fill up a crater on the fucking moon.

And I used to blame other people for the shit that was popping up in my life.
It was SO much easier to shift the blame onto others instead of owning up to my own pain.

Things like :

It’s because my father emotionally neglected me from a certain age that I have commitment issues
My mum never really acknowledged who I am and that’s why I have low self-esteem
The boys at my school used to bully me so I have a hard time really trusting men

Bla bla bla
Yadda Yadda Yadda
On it went.

Completely giving my pain-power away to others and not recognizing and acknowledging it whatsoever.

Yes these things have happened.

And really they are not good.

But by not owning up to my OWN pain, I was not really honouring these feelings and was allowing them to simmer in a collective sea of shit that just kept on growing and growing.

Doesn’t sound good does it?

It wasn’t.

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I finally realized that by blaming other people for the shit I have been through I was getting anywhere.

This incredible work was made by @yoogyart (who will receive a bit of SBD for making this incredible piece and letting me use it)

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I was a walking body with a tons of anger bursting through every fucking pore through my body and worst of all was, I was in victim-modus.
I felt SO fucking sorry for myself.
Why did I have to go through these experiences? Why am I the one who has to suffer SO much?
Which just wasn’t true really.

I was the one who was making myself suffer so much.

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By NOT taking responsibility for my OWN feelings.

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The process of this chance happening was through therapy.

I went into therapy because after four years of having a shit relationship with my father which involved one count of physical abuse and tons of emotional bullying, I wasn’t getting much further emotionally by doing it on my own.

I was at my wit’s end and I couldn’t GO anymore.

So I went to a great therapist and she showed me how I cannot change the past, and I cannot change another person but I CAN change myself and how I feel.

And it was a fucking liberation!

WOW. What an insight to have.

I have these painful feelings that are mine and that means I can work through them on my own without having to put the blame on someone else.

Seriously, fucking AMAZING.

And that’s how I started owning up to all the shit I have going on inside me and giving it space to just be and to move through.

And it’s one of the best things I have EVER learnt.

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This is a constant fucking process and I still slip up sometimes and blame my hurt on others but nowadays I quickly realize what I am doing (reverting to old energy-habits) and swiftly move into a space of love which honours the feelings and completely owns them.

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Realize that you are your own person and no matter what someone else has to say about you or what has happened to you, that you hold the capacity to really move through that and to become a better person!

REALLY.

But it all starts with owning up to your pain my love.

That’s the first step.

That’s where liberation lies.

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BIG love,

Ashley

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My LoveProject is @humansofsteemit! Featuring the humans behind the Steemit usernames!