You've heard the saying, "Forgiving yourself is a practice that will benefit you in the long run." If you're anything like most people who have judgments against themselves for even the slightest thought or feeling of regret, then forgiveness is probably not on your top ten list. It takes time and healing to heal past hurts. However, if you're looking to take control over your life and get things back in order, forgiving yourself is a critical first step.
When we hurt ourselves, we think we are hurting other people. We don't always realize that what we're doing is also hurting ourselves. It's easy to justify our anger or hurtful words and actions by pointing the finger of blame at another. But this only causes more hurt and pain to the self, others, and even our loved ones. Until we learn to stop pointing the finger at who we feel wronged by or blaming, we cannot move forward with forgiveness.
You can take steps towards forgiveness without buying into the victim blaming trap. Forgiving yourself is more about understanding the pain you caused and learning to let go of that pain. If you truly want to move toward forgiveness, you must explore and accept your part in creating your metacards. There's a powerful connection between your anger and the negative effects your anger has had on you, both physically and emotionally.
If you want to truly forgive yourself for any wrongdoing, you need to develop a new habit of self-forgiveness. You can't forgive yourself until you forgive yourself. Forgiving yourself isn't something you can do lightly; it requires diligence, patience, and consistent effort to cultivate self-forgiveness through self-forgiveness.
Self-forgiveness begins by noticing your reaction to what you've done to others. For instance, if you've criticized someone or used harsh words or behavior toward them, you have to acknowledge your wrongdoing - no matter how long ago that wrongdoing occurred. In fact, it may be difficult to forgive yourself right away. To help you forgive yourself, focus on all the good things you did: the nice things you did to people, the things you did to help them, and the ways you responded to their needs. Focus on how much you learned from that interaction, and how much you have forgiven yourself for through self-forgiveness.
It takes time and effort to let go of hurt feelings, and you shouldn't expect to feel completely free from them for at least a year or more. That said, though, forgiving yourself at this point will feel easier, not harder. Forgive yourself and move forward without a sense of judgment or shame. Forgive yourself for past hurts but don't let them rule your life or make you feel guilty for the future. Allow yourself to let go and to feel free.
Although forgiving someone who has hurt you is an important part of releasing emotional pain, it's important not to mistake it as a sign of weakness. Don't use forgiveness as a way to hide your anger or to escape taking responsibility for your own actions. In other words, don't use forgiveness as a means to numb your feelings. If you truly want to release anger, don't make the mistake of confusing forgiveness with passivity.
In general, forgiving someone who has hurt you involves recognizing that they were exercising control over your reactions in a way that hurt you. This is the only way to take control over negative emotions. Without exception, experts agree that the more you resist acting in ways that hurt you, the deeper your difficulties will get. Therefore, it is vital to remember that forgiveness is never an acceptable shortcut to forget your anger.
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