I slowly awoke, knowing my husband was already up and out of bed before I opened my eye to the evidence of such. There was a niggling feeling, so familiar to me but yet indescribable.
"damn, today of all days, the only day of the week I have free, to be spent with my husband, and I feel shit. The day is ruined" I thought.
truecounsellor.com.au
You see I suffer (along with many more health issues) with depression and anxiety. I need no triggers to be walking in the mist of a dark stormy cloud, it is just a whim of my brain.
I am sitting on my lounge chair with a spectacular panoramic view and my precious beautiful ragdoll cat keeping me company after what anyone would call a pleasant morning routine. However I am close to tears, enraged and in dispair.
I started my day with a lovely greeting from my husband, once I was in the kitchen. An Earl Grey tea ready for my consumption and a little plate of nibbles.
We carried on with our morning feeding the horses, did a little cleaning and added to our compost bin. All this time hubby worried and fussed over me as he does each time I am down.
Lovely, I couldn't be luckier to have such a supportive caring husband. But it doesn't matter my black stormy agrivated brain does not respond to such love, as my normal cheerful self would.
I reason with myself that I'm being silly I should smile back and praise his efforts to comfort me.
"move on, go forward, make this day as wonderful as all the other days with him are when I'm feeling 'normal'".
But no, it doesn't matter how hard I work at faking it till I make it, it just doesn't happen.
So, yes this beautiful pleasant sunny day, will be wasted on me. As all I will see today, is misery.
How's that for a first post? 😮
I'd say that it is a real post. It is how you feel at this moment in time. You very accurately described what depression and anxiety do to you. All days will have their ups and downs. Look for your silver lining. It's there. I am looking forward to seeing more of your posts. They won't all be dark...
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Thank you @cecicastor, yes it is real for this time at hand. Everyday has its up and downs as you say. Thank you for your words.
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You are welcome. Hang in there.
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Thanks kindly
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Mmm not bad. 😋
😀
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Awe thanks. Hopefully not too dark
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I like honest dark. Beats the crap out of faking.
The depressed darkness is comforting at times.
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Yes I agree, sadly society demands that you hide this away more often than you should
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wow nice mama
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Thank you
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Thank you for sharing your true feelings, and not buttering it up for us on steemit. It must have taken courage to get out there and do those chores despite the pain. They are beautiful horses :)
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Thank you @sagescrub yes it can take / hard to carry on and do what's needed when you feel this way. Thank you our horses are our pride and joy, they teach us many things
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