I Bought Myself A Gift...

in life •  6 years ago 

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I admit...I fall down the dangerous internet rabbit hole as much as the next guy. I start off looking innocently for a review for a new movie and 45 minutes later, I’m watching @modernzorker’s homemade pimple and cyst popping videos as I dry heave. He’s pretty good at it. Give the fella a looksie! I really like the cut of his jib!

Well a few days ago I fell and wound up on a blog with people discussing mudbutt, toilet paper, and bidet’s. Now I’ve never used a bidet myself and have always been curious but I’m stupid and never knew that there were attachments that can pop onto an existing toilet. I know...I’m a dummy. Anyway, upon seeing EVERYONE on this forum discussing how much better life is with a squeaky clean shitter, I popped onto Amazon and wasted $56 clams.

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Today, my test ass squirt kit arrived. I won’t have time to connect it until my day off Sunday but I’m highly curious and must say that this is the first time ever I can say I’m super pumped to dump!

I told the kids that if it does a killer job on the ol’ turd cutter...that I’d buy one for the upstairs bathroom. I know how the kids think and they will start deliberately using my downstairs bathroom all the time if this gives our crappers a proper cleansing. That is an act I will try most eagerly, to avoid.

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So my question to you all is this. Have you used a bidet before? If so, what are your thoughts? Do you currently have one??? Or do you just have a disgusting animal like fart box? Let your fellow Steemiams know!!!

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I'm from Indiana. As long as you got leaves, pinecones, or corncobs, you don't need no bidet to clean up in the aftermath of your colon-cleansing sacrifice to Belphegor. But you go right on ahead, live in the lap of luxury while lording it over all the rest of us peons in flyover country.

Weirdo. ;)

You didn’t even need to mention these things. I knew the moment we met that your meaty Cheerio and pine cones were intertwined in some sick display together.

I’m going to put on a monocle when I use it for the first time.

Oh in Japan they’re awesome and luxurious 👍🏻👍🏻 but not sure about the diy ones haha.. I’ve only seen the ones that are all in one rather than separate attachments hehe. Let us know how it goes

Posted using Partiko iOS

I am weirdly excited to hook it up. Lol. Hoping to get around to it today.

Yeah I’ve only seen the one piece ones. Never knew about these.

Please no photo “toot”torial.

I’ll have to censor it and label it NSFW

OMG> We tried a bidet in Japan and I felt violated. It was just gross. Looking forward to the updates, though!

Nick.

Lol. Yeah I’m hoping to hook it up today. Didn’t like it huh?!? I have no idea how I’ll react yet. Lol

There are some things I will never enter into discussion about....lol

(can't upvote, soz -powering up - I got crucified yesterday in flagging war!lol)

Lolololol

Flagging war?! What happened?

I posted some NPC memes, (yes, really) and have been downvoted on every post for 3 days now...

https://steemit.com/politics/@bloom/re-lucylin-re-anarchyhasnogods-re-vegeta-vegeta-re-anarchyhasnogods-liberals-20181027t080736096z

I have nearly no Rc' left to comment, so will have ease up until I power up...if I don't respond...
Check out my blogs post for the last 3 days - nearly flagged $8 down, of upvotes so far (I think)

That sucks. Sorry to hear brother. I had to ask my buddy Jeff wtf those were about as he has been posting em on Facebook. Lol

...It sends the commies mental.
Well, more mental..

Lol.

You are a talented wordsmith sir... this post is evidence of that.

But I guess the pressing question is, will you be a talented wordsmith with an immaculate o-ring?

I will take the compliments where I can get em! Gracias.

Time will tell on that sir. Hoping to hook this puppy up today.

Did I miss the review? Are you packing it up and taking it to Steemfest, or do they already have them there in those parts of the world!?!

Sadly no bidet’s here this far...not like I’m shitting everywhere though. I’m not @modernzorker for Christ’s sake...

How dare you, sir?

Turds are my medium. The world is my canvas. If your philistine brain cannot comprehend the genius inherent in my usage of the art supplies we are all born with and the multitude of surfaces available for decoration, the fault and fret lie with you, my good man, not with me!

TL;DR: @blewitt failed Introductory Art Appreciation.

I will say this about the overseas stalls. Much nicer that most here in the states. There are no creepy cracks to peep through. Pure privacy for you to do the deed.

Squatty potty for life. Never heard of this device, never used a bidet, seems interesting, eagerly awaiting review.

Lol. You have a Squatty Potty? Thought about those as well. Getting old sucks. I used to buy myself cool shit like video games and weed. Now I’m searching for devices to enhance my bathroom experiences...

Squatty potty is fun for all ages. I got one as a gift, love it. It is for how human were meant to poop! I will recommend highly. It is just a piece of plastic so you could probably grab just two stacks of comics and put under your feet next squat. But as the people who make it say "you wouldn't want to cut a steak with a butter knife".. squatty potty is the steak knife for your toilet life (this steak knife rhyme is an original created for this reply that I will never forget). Anyways, some would argue video games and weed do enhance ones bathroom experience.

Yeah my wife wants to get one. Which means we probably will. Lol.

Never had one before I am now curious myself let us know how its goes @blewitt lol.

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