The Public Pool

Sweet summertime. Well, not really. It's actually Spring, but school is out, and the kids are ready to play. I grew up in the private pool. I didn't know any better, it’s just what my family did. I didn't know it was special until 3rd or 4th grade, when Michael Scott pointed it out.

For some reason, my parents actually encouraged me to follow my dreams of becoming a music teacher. I should have listened to all the teachers who told me to do something else with my life. No tennis lessons for CG. It'll be city league and the public pool.

Let me emphasize that I don't care what pool I'm in. If there is water, I am happy. I love to swim, and hope that my son loves it as much as I do. Before he was born, I went to the public pool on a regular basis, by myself. Carmen does not care for water recreation. I found out today, when you add a kid to the mix, the pool takes on a whole new life.

In 1995, my family took a trip to Disney World. I was minding my own business when a lifeguard blew his whistle at me. Apparently, I had gone down the slide too soon after another swimmer. No one was at the top to tell me not to go for it. The injustice ate at me for at least 20 minutes. Why didn't he blow the whistle at the boy who squirted me in the face less than 10 minutes before? That was the only time I had the whistle blown at me, until today.

It was almost 90 degrees today. CG had just woken up, so I decided to take him for a swim. Harmony Acres has a toddler pool and a big pool. We pulled in to find a full parking lot and pool. It was just like how public pools are portrayed in movies and on tv. They were packed in like sardines.

We walked in and found a place to put our things. I hadn't even contemplated the toddler pool, because I want him to learn to swim, not sit and splash. Also, we all know people pee in the pool, but can you imagine how concentrated it is in that hot ass, tiny baby pool? No, thank you. I definitely wasn't going to put him in there when I saw all the older kids playing and throwing balls.

So, we got in the big pool. There is a roped off section, but I never considered what it was for. CG got hit in the head with a ball before I even got both feet in. I quickly moved outside of the roped area, where there was more space and fewer people.

The whistle blows. Probably some poor bastard who went down the slide too soon after the kid before him. The whistle blows, again. Clearly, someone needs their ass tapped. I look up. There are three teenagers hovering, panicking. “Ma’am, you can't have a baby on this side of the rope!” I went back. The injustice! Why can't I, a very strong swimmer, take my son where I want to in the pool? It's not like we were floating under the high dive. I thought some more about, and realized the intentions were good. The problem is, the roped off area is full of big kids, splashing, kicking, and throwing balls. Why didn't they blow the whistle and tell them, people who can swim can't be on that side of the rope? I'll be writing a letter to the town over that one.

Kids are always a bit annoying in the pool. Children don't understand personal space to begin with. Put them in water, and it becomes totally ok to strike up conversation with a stranger or grab their legs and come up and scream, “SHARK!” Add a baby to the mix, and it's preteen girl heaven. “He's so cute, can I play with him?” They ask a million questions and have to get their hands on the baby. Remember, public pool...no boundaries. I try to be patient, because I was that kid. Then, you have the kid that asks you to count how many seconds they can hold their breath, and then argue with you when you tell them it was 3 seconds, when clearly, it was 32.

The adults are no better. You've got the 30 year old men who think they are 12, doing back flips off the high dive. There are women in bikinis, that should not have bikinis on. Next, there are the moms who are socializing, while their kid is grabbing people by the ankle or stealing babies. Lastly, the judgy old ladies, staring me down because I have my son in the big pool instead of the toddler pool.

I think CG had fun. I think most of the adults were miserable. I imagine that's how it's always been. I always assumed my mom was having fun when she took me to the pool, the carnival, or the zoo. I'm quickly learning, parenting is full of fake smiles and summertime misery.