Former Intel CEO Grove said: "Effective communication depends on the communicator's full grasp of the topic, not the sweetness of the wording." The key to communication is that both parties can maintain interest in the same topic. Communication is not to suppress, but to seek the same in the difference. Effective communication follows the following 3 rules:
01 Make the other person feel important "People are so eager for the approval of others, even at the cost of madness."
For this, Rockefeller deeply agrees. In a letter from Rockefeller to his son, he once stated: "Salaries and bonuses are quite attractive, but for some people, money does not trigger their motivation to serve, but paying attention can achieve this goal." Everyone is eager to be valued and regarded as a valuable person by others. Therefore, to win the respect of others is the meaning of our struggle for life. To make his subordinates feel happy, Rockefeller likes to leave a note on the employee's desk to show his gratitude to him. For Rockefeller, the gratitude words written by hand in a minute or two may be quickly forgotten. However, for subordinates, it may be because of this sentence that inspires the other party for many years. As Rockefeller himself said: "No company employee will remember the bonus he received five years ago, but many people will always remember the exquisite words of the employer, and I will not hesitate to express my gratitude." Psychologists believe that respect is the psychological need of everyone. Regardless of rich or poor, regardless of position, anyone wants to hold an important place in the hearts of others. Therefore, in interpersonal communication, being able to make others feel important is the first key to opening the other's heart.
02 Find common ground between the two parties People like to interact with people who have the same or similar interests. Even friends who have been with each other for a long time, if the two sides disagree about something, it is easy to go separate ways. Therefore, finding similarities is an indispensable part in meeting people for the first time or getting along in the future. Try to avoid conflicts. Drucker, the father of modern management, said: "One must know what to say, one must know when to say, one must know who to say to, and one must know how to say." Carnegie cited the story of a great salesman in his book. A couple have been married for ten years and still have no children. Therefore, the hostess raised a few puppies and regarded the puppies as a child-like love. Many salesmen came to the house to sell goods, and the hostess was very angry. Only one salesman who sold cars was favored by this wife.
The salesman's name is Joe Girard-the greatest salesman in the world. Other salesmen came up to promote their products, but Joe Girard was not like that. When he came up, the first thing he talked about with the hostess was her puppy, which attracted the attention and love of the lady. Joe Gillard also raises a dog, so he will soon be able to speculate with this lady. However, the most important thing is of course not that Joe Gillard has a dog, but that he has a pair of eyes that are good at spotting. "The best way to impress people is to talk to the other person about the things they are most interested in and cherish, that is, to do what they like." In fact, this "fitting one's own interests" is also a point of common interest between the two sides of the communication. When both parties are interested in the same topic, they will be motivated to communicate and deepen each other's emotions during the conversation. So, if you want to have a deep friendship with someone, you must first try to understand what the other person is interested in. This is the second key to opening the other person's heart.
03 Learn to empathize If a person is used to encountering things and blaming others first, then he loses the opportunity to grow. The courage to assume is a sign of maturity. In the early years, when Fok Yingdong founded Lixin Real Estate Co., Ltd., an employee made a big mistake and thought he would be punished. However, Huo Yingdong Fei did not blame the employee, but deeply reflected on his mistakes. He said at the staff meeting: "This employee did not do well because I, the boss, put him in an inappropriate job position by mistake and prevented him from exerting his strengths." In a word, everyone present was touched. "If you blame yourself with a heart to blame others, you will be widowed; if you forgive others with a heart to forgive yourself, you will pay all." If you demand yourself by the standards of others, then your mistakes will be reduced; if you forgive others with a mentality of forgiving yourself, you will have more and more friends. The so-called empathy does not allow us to start everything from the perspective of others. Instead, it tells us how to review ourselves when encountering things, find reasons in ourselves, and improve our ability, thinking, realm and pattern.
Mr. Yang Jiang said: The world is its own and has nothing to do with others. This sentence tells us that when encountering a problem, it is useless to blame others. Only by changing our thinking can we find the best solution. In communication, learning to understand others and speaking in a way that others can understand is the third key to opening the other's heart.
British philosopher Hume said: "In the art of communication and conversation, the most popular thing is to pay tribute to each other or to be polite. It allows us to abandon our intentions and hobbies in front of each other, restrain and hide the very natural in people’s hearts. Kind of self-righteousness and arrogance." On the surface, communication is simply speaking, but in essence, communication embodies personal qualities. The purpose of communication is not to cause disputes, but to solve problems; the result of communication is not to speak out, but to express opinions and exchange opinions. Good communication will always bring a deep understanding of each other; malicious communication will only deepen the misunderstanding and further the relationship. The son said: "If three people walk, there must be my teacher; choose the good one and follow it, and the bad one will change it." What kind of attitude a person faces to others ultimately proves what kind of person he is.