Defeating my OCD - How to retake control of your life in times of psychological distress

First off, let me be clear: anyone suffering from any kind of mental disorder or illness SHOULD NOT ASHAMED of admitting it or seeking help. The psychological pain is real and it should not be hidden away or ignored.

I planned to write my struggle with OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder) not for pity, not for material benefit but to make others aware that these are serious matters and if there are some of you who experience depression, panic attacks, bipolar disorder, OCD, PTSD or others, should face them head on and not avoid them.
I hope that after reading my story, you will find a way, as I did, to lead a good, functional life.

I was first diagnosed with OCD when I was 25, 5 years ago. Since then it has been an uphill battle every day to not let it control me and even to learn to use it in my advantage. A relationship break-up was the catalyst that activated the disorder. Everything went crashing down, depression, insomnia, panic attacks. I knew in that moment that I hit rock bottom. I had physical injuries in my life but nothing came close to that kind of mental pain. It was like every nerve in my body was exposed and raw. I gave up. I let it swallow me whole. I kept ignoring it but the longer I said that it is only in my mind, the more powerful it became. It did not matter that I had people around me that cared. I still felt alone because there is no way to experience that sensation without actually having OCD. The first year is still hazy in my mind. I spiraled downward, making every bad decision that I could make to forget about my pain even if just for 1 minute. I felt imperfect, worthless, weak but in all the darkness I still searched for a glimmer of hope.

After almost 2 years, I knew my enemy. It was now time to fight back. But how? I tried pushing it into the darkest corner of my mind with no luck. I needed to try something else. And then it hit me. I accepted it. I accepted that this is now a part of who I am but it won’t be the part that will dictate my life anymore.

I started taking kickboxing lessons for discipline, started writing to keep my thoughts organized and playing guitar. Given my obsession for perfection, I practiced maybe half a day. One year later I joined a band. Made new friends and this whole world opened up for me. I never stopped to consider the mental suffering of others because I did not know how it felt. OCD took 3 years of my life but it gave me so much more: vision, empathy and wisdom. And from there all things came together. A job, a car, soon a new house, a new relationship that started 3 years ago and it is still going great. I still have bad days sometimes but it is nothing compared to the beginning. I found peace, balance and hope for the future.

The point is this: do not be afraid because you are different. Do not let society mock you. And most importantly, do not give up. Even if you fall again, get up! You may stray from the right path every now and then but you must return to it. Conquer your fears and I promise that you will see a new world when the smoke clears. You play your hand with the cards you are given.

If this post helps even one person to have a better day, then I consider that it was worth writing a part of my life that I am not fond of remembering. Stay strong!