My Today's Musings (Suspicion, Worries, Longings)

in life •  5 years ago 

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I should had been treated today for my regular dialysis but my renal nurses notified me early in the morning through a text message that the dialysis machine got some problem. It might be the machine that I used or all of them for some reason.

I saw some patient a week ago or so had his dialysis stopped and then was made to transfer to another machine because of that specific problematic machine. It could be the reason for the delay for my treatment. @steemcurator02

It is just good that I am not breathless today or easily get so breathless because of my achievement for a much lower dry weight that gave me more capacity to consume more fluids without getting so breathless that easily which is why I told my nurses that I am okay with a one day delay and agreed to that even though I am not sure if that was the real case or if my renal nurses are telling me the truth because they often are not telling the truth most of the time.

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No Matter How I Want To Be Positive, Dread Is Always In My Mind

I am really fed-off from going to dialysis myself. It is just I am afraid to die a lingering death. Dying from not being dialyzed is a slow process, first you will get toxic with toxins accumulating in your blood. It will give you the worst nausea yet, so much so that you will vomit until you vomit bile and I am not exaggerating.

Then of course the fluid accumulation in your body will make you unable to breathe until your lungs gets saturated with fluids and it is a slow process as well depending on the rate of your fluid consumption. If the potassium will get you first you will have your heart stopped because of hypekalemia and that is if you can still eat fruits and vegetables.

That is why even though it is hard I still keep on going with my treatments. It is just unfortunate that I am dragging my parents with my misfortune in life but at least I am not giving them the worry on where to get our money for my needed medicines and additional bills to pay for my dialysis treatments and the foods that I crave for time to time especially fruits that I needed in my diet. @created

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A Fruit And Vegetable Garden Is Just What I Want To Acquire

That is why I am thankful for this platform where I can source my main source of income. I couldn't think of anything more since I am disabled and trusting a business to anyone is just a no-no for anyone as well for that matter, you just have to get hands-on if you would venture into a business.

Maybe I can just buy a land if I will get the opportunity and let my parents do the farming even though I have little faith about my father's farming ways at least with a land we can source some of our needed fruits and vegetables from there and be contented about it.

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