365 Days That Count - Day 46 - Valentine’s Day Depression.

Without meaning to sound too scrooge like, I think most singletons will agree that the 14th of February is a rather grey day.

Being surrounded by loved up couples & public affirmations is like rubbing salt in the lonely, love wound.

The begrudging sceptic in me also likes to believe it is just a marketing stunt designed to sell candy and flowers which I guess it is and it isn’t.

There’s no arguing the shameless marketing that pressures people to display their love through the purchase of extravagant gifts, flowers, cards etc however if we’ve got to the point where we believe what we’re being sold, being on the receiving end of these items makes you feel loved even if we may agree it is not a true display of such.

So if something makes you feel good can it be bad? I guess not. But that doesn’t stop me from feeling a little disgruntled towards the whole thing.

I’ve spent the majority of my adult life in a relationship, until now I never had much of a break between boyfriends - I’m not suggesting that is something to aspire to but it meant that I had never felt the loneliness some single people do, which I guess is what I was subconsciously trying to avoid.

That has all changed since I broke up with my last boyfriend. My life has been so up in the air, settling on anything - much less a partner - has been hard.

I’m glad I’ve had some time alone, it has given me an opportunity to get to know myself.

The pressure of what everyone else wanted was finally outweighed by what I believed in and since then it’s been a journey of self-discovery.

When we’re in a relationship there’s always going to be a certain amount of influence from your partner, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but when we’re still growing and evolving as people it’s important to be able to see what’s yours not just what’s ours.

So I’ve had this time recently and I’m grateful for it, but I'll be honest, yesterday highlighted just how ready I am for it to be over.

I don't want to be alone, I want to find someone who will love me as much as I’ll love them, who will make me feel safe in this scary world. I guess we all do.

It's time I leave the past behind and start hoping for the future.

I'm a big believer in the power of putting things out there but I don’t think I’d realised how ready I was until now. So I’m hoping the knot that sat in my tummy yesterday was worth it if it’s given me the clarity I needed to ask the universe for help.

Here's hoping.

Love,

Daisy xx

( @daisyd )