Be here now ...

I was diagnosed with Cancer on the 6th April, 2015. I had gone for the check-up alone that day. It sure was surreal walking back to my car and having to face the two hour drive home, all alone. I had progesterone positive breast cancer, Her2! You know how Facebook always asks 'what's on your mind?' Well this was on mine.

What's on your mind?

how this taunts me
should I? shoud'nt I?
it whispers, then screams
my mind is whirling
with fears & dreams

i want so much to share with those who care
but worry i hurt one unaware
never thought to go this way
blissfully fooled some days away
worked and played blissfull & unaware

I have hidden in my room
contemplated the gloomiest kinda gloom
perused the sages words, seen charletans lose heads
been befuddled & in awe at the beauty surrounding
sipped memories cried buckets & laughed like a loon

ministering angel will find my vein
while out the window i stare in vain
be here now * play the game * dance the dance
thoughts tumbling my lifes refrain
praying i find grace in arms most humane

oncology on friday i wish to be brave
with all the love I'lle ride this wave
and the turning and tumbling in my head
a rollercoaster of great dread & will likely come out
without a hair on my head

thanks to those who hold my hand
bless you all who've wished me
well, there will always be heaven
even in the darkest hell
... all that reading served me well!

I went on Cannabis oil, which a dear, kind friend gave me, and I took it all way through the dreaded chemo. I had three 'Red Devils', that's what they call it, my hair all fell out, and boy was it painful. My toenails and fingernails went wonky too, and i ended up having to paint them with this special 'mooti' (SA fanagalo term meaning medicine) and thankfully that went away eventually! I then had three other HUGE chemo treatments, about two litres at a time, rather a different experience, still ghastly ... Neither chemo treatment had any affect on said lumpkin, so they did a breast augmentation, removing the lump and then making the other ladylump the same (not!!) size.

However, it is now three years later and I have long hair again, albeit grey & wavy. I am the landlady, and also the gardener, I mow the vast lawn, I make Art on Leather, I have a wonderful family & friends most awesome! My house is always full of visitors, lively debate, music, all manner of creativity and because I got blessed with Natural medicine I am totally well today.

Peace & Love & Blessed be.

#leatherwork, #leathercraft #leather art

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@steemladder

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