This is only my second post and it unfortunately doesn't reflect the things I'm planning to blog on here! But after seeing how kind and intelligent the Steemit community is, I would love to hear your perspectives on something I'm experiencing at the moment... I’m not promoting this as the “correct” perspective; ultimately there is no correct perspective. But it’s something I’m going through/questioning and would love to open the discussion to any friends on here that have any opposing thoughts or wisdom on the subject.
What happens when you start to see everyone for who they truly are? Who we all truly are? People that, when it all comes down to it, act from a place of wanting to be loved. Feel loved. Respected. Appreciated.
Act from fear of not being loved. Respected. Appreciated.
You start to open your eyes and observe the world around you. Observe yourself. Watching the realisation that you ultimately have good intentions unfold. You may do bad things sometimes, things that upset or hurt people. But the majority of the time, you never mean to. Your intentions, you feel, are always good.
Or if you do it’s because they’ve done something to hurt you or someone else has done something to hurt you in that way before. You’re seeking vengeance in hopes that the illusory balance will bring you some kind of relief. Relief from the place inside of you that feels wounded. Wounded by someone that has acted from a wounded place inside of them. Wounded by another person that has been wounded themselves and so on and so forth. But deep down, you feel your intentions are ultimately good.
As do they.
What happens when you start understanding the possibility that it must be the same for everyone else? That we’re all living out our own individual stories, thousands of experiences shaping who we are and leading us to the belief that we’re justified in that moment. Faced with another person that has had thousands of experiences shape a belief that feels justified in that moment. A belief that opposes yours. Of course you believe your story because you’ve lived it, but then you start opening your mind to the fact that it’s the same for everyone else.
What makes your story more “right” than theirs?
So then what happens when you start understanding that any wrong done towards you ultimately comes from a wound or lack of understanding? From place of fear. When you truly understand that fact with your heart and when someone seemingly does you wrong… How can you fight back and perpetuate this cycle?
If you were to find a bird with a broken wing, would you break the other one too? Or would you treat it with compassion and do something to aid the healing, if you could?
So when “wrong doing” towards you allows you to see someone for the wounded person they are, for the wounded person you are too, how can you bring yourself to kick a man while he’s down? You see the place that this came from, you almost see a scared child and you see it needs to be healed. With this perspective, how can you do anything but treat what you’re seeing with compassion?
Does this lead to not standing up for ourselves, being walked all over or allowing ourselves to be taken advantage of? Or more importantly, are we being selfish in denying people valuable, painful learning experiences?
Where is the balance?
Thank you for reading, especially if you made it this far ;-)
With love from the jungle,
xo
Wow... powerful and deep.
Several thoughts came to mind as I read this. One is the somewhat "chicken-and-egg" dilemma we often face when dealing with authenticity. In order for others to see us as we truly are, we must be brave enough to drop our masks and facades and BE who we truly are. And in order for us to see others as they truly are, they must be brave enough to be authentically themselves. Otherwise, all we're seeing is an "image" projected through our own lenses of perception.
I hope that made sense...
Second is that we are not our wounds. A lot of people who strike out are heavily identified with their wounds. I'm sure you've heard people go on and on about the "reason" something keeps happening to them is because of "the way they were raised." Or someone has bad relationships because they are "replaying" the pain of their parents divorcing when they were little... so they choose unhealthy people they will "divorce." Which brings us back to compassion... we also have to practice compassion for ourselves, which can be far more challenging than having compassion for others. When we lack compassion for ourselves, we run the risk of becoming chronic "givers" who always feel drained because everything feels like "one way traffic."
As for "balance," compassion matters. Love is the answer. But to find balance remember not to lose your own identity in service of compassion for others. Remember compassion for yourself... it's a bit like when you get on the airplane, and they do the safety information gig: "Put the oxygen mask on yourself before helping other passengers."
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I agree, it is a great danger to identify as a victim, a victim feels like they have no control and refuse to take any responsibility for the situation they are in; "it is not my fault, someone else are in control". It is easy to feel weak and that everything is hopeless but nobody is ONLY a victim, it is always possible to find a new identity, or just stop identifying altogether.
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I agree: starving self-sabotage & nourishing self-love individually can also act as contagious agents to others but for the good.
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So lovely seeing you pop up again! I have a feeling I'm going to start getting to know people on here :-) Thank you so much for getting back to me with your thoughts..... And for highlighting the distinction between defining people by their wounds and recognising the wounds that potentially affect their behaviour... It's such an important difference.
However, you hit the nail on the head with self love... Something I've struggled with over the years and continue to work on every day, for sure. I guess that's all the balance comes down to... Making sure your own oxygen mask is on before helping anyone else (such a great analogy by the way, thank you for that! Will definitely be using it in future) :-)
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i will answer in a more generic way, i hope i do so cause i always end up typing a lot!
We all know that everyone has his story and is unique so each and every case i am gonna deal with differently. There are many factors to judge a person,a case, an act a behaviour but the main perspective and what i am at least doing is that whatever i do i try not to harm the others and if i can help them too. I say that cause i saw the You may do bad things sometimes, things that upset or hurt people
Now i dont know exactly how and hurt them and upset them because this is not entirely wrong, you may ''hurt'' or ''upset'' someone with the truth and after that he may become a greater person but if you mean hurt them or upset the in a bad way with ''bad'' inner motive then thats wrong.
Or more importantly, are we being selfish in denying people valuable, painful learning experiences?
I think that again depends one many things. Do we have the time to talk with this people? are they willing to talk to? are both you and them willing to move forward or learn something out of it? what is consider valuable learning experience? i may make it sound more confusing but what i am trying to tell you is that because of everyone is a unique person there isnt a specific way to follow or something certain thing to do. Have patience,love,kindness,respect and try not to hurt others for your own good, instead help them for that same thing
once again i typed a lot.......... and i could type twice what i said i will stop here :p
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Thank you so much for taking the time to reply...
I love to hear you're living from a place of not trying to harm others... We need more mindful behaviour in the world. I think what I meant by us doing things that upset or hurt people and not meaning to is that, when this happens, we're usually acting from a "wound" or something we're carrying around too. Eckhart Tolle describes them as "emotional painbodies" that get triggered by a circumstance that instills the fear that created that "painbody" in the first place. So I guess I'm questioning the idea that anyone truly has bad inner motives... Or whether we're all just behaving from these places of hurt. Emotionally tender areas that trigger behaviour that isn't true to who we are. And whether this perspective makes it easier or harder for us to have compassion towards other people - which @denmarkguy pointed out is great as long as we practice self love in the process.
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yes i got that and i may :P be somewhat of a cruel or absolute person in this matter as i think whatever ''wound'' or anything else you been through in your life i dont really care about and nobody does at least in the first sight. Thats why i say the ''not try to harm others'' If you have this as a value then everything else will be better. Sure emotion and not logic runs through our veins so thats why many people behave according to this ''places of hurt or wounds'' . If they just think about it without using too much of their brain ( and i dont mean this in a bad way, i just say its simple) they will find out that everyone has a wound of something happend in their life so nobody is obligated to ''understand'' them or make them feel special.
So to be more straightforward not anybody has truly bad inner motives but that doesnt mean he cant do something bad, it depends on a lot of things ( a simple one do this to that man or you are dead)
I believe not everyone is behaving for these places of hurt and nobody should. You can either move on or get stuck. When i say move on, you will never forget those wounds and in some cases you may think a little more or have doubts but you wont be closeminded
As fas as it concerns the cmpassion thing its not hard to have it to people that want to change or to move on but the others should have to understand it by themselves first( ofc you may have compassion for them too but depending on some of their actions you may soon abandon it)
thanks for reading my tiresome answer and you took the time to reply
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I personally understand - at least I think so - now just to explain.
Just as much as I enjoy your post and really like your perspective because I somewhat agree, it is just my perception of what you are trying to convey.
It is unfortunate that it isn't really possible to see people as who they really are. I can only construct my perception of another based on my understanding or lack of understanding of another's actions, words, deeds, etc. whether directed toward me or observed. These impressions of someone else are all measured against ones personal ethics, opinions, spirituality, life experience, current state of mind/emotion, etc.
Of course there are countless more lasting & momentary influences that could be named however I believe you will understand without me contemplating and naming an extreme list.
As all these variables affect our interactions and observations of others to form and shape our perceptions, the simultaneous process occurs the same for the others around us regardless of observer or recipient status.
I do believe you have the answer though buried within your writing. What matters most is intentions. Ones intentions are pointless to profess because a verbal description always falls short and any attempt will hollow it's very description if there is already some existing injury. There is only one who can ever truly know what intentions are and that is the deepest part of any one's person.
It also doesn't matter if you are aware of your own intentions because everything we do is a reflection of our true characters - including our very thoughts - regardless of eventual actions aligned or opposed to them.
I would never hope for life or people to always be fair. Those things are not within my control or something I desire to have control of. Any resentment or misgivings of events or relationships are internal personal constructs of perception. Forgiveness of others is something we give ourselves and not everyone will achieve that level of life experience to be able to continue to grow.
The best that one can do is determine their own values and try to live up to your own expectations of them. Stop measuring others by a set a values you have determined that are suitable for you alone, and be honest in the measure of yourself to those values.
That task alone is challenging enough for any spiritual being having a human experience.
Live long and prosper.
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Ahhhhh... What a beautifully balanced comment to read on a Sunday morning. Thank you for sharing your thoughts... Especially this:
"The best that one can do is determine their own values and try to live up to your own expectations of them. Stop measuring others by a set a values you have determined that are suitable for you alone, and be honest in the measure of yourself to those values."
I have nothing to add other than a deeply content "mmmmmmm :-)" of agreement.
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I'm touched :)
...you read the whole comment and some part of that made sense to another. Very gratifying and thank you.
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I have also begun to realize that violent people (physically or emotionally violent) are only lashing out from their own limited point of view and ultimately it has nothing to do with you, it is coming from their own pain. This is hard when it is coming from people you need like parents or friends, because it feels like a deep separation and loss so it is hard to not get hurt by it. Sometimes you have to protect yourself but usually all it takes is to remove yourself from the situation. The truth is, those who deserve love the least are those who need it the most... thank you for bringing up this subject it is an important one :) <3
And by the way you can blog about anything :D you don't have to limit yourself in any particular direction, here on Steemit you are free to share everything you want and that is what I like the most about this community :)
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Hi @fayehalliday, I just stopped back to let you know your post was one of my favourite reads and I included it in my Steemit Ramble. You can read what I wrote about your post here.
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Thank you so much! :-)
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You can still chide someone for inappropriate behaviour/lashing out while being sympathetic to the reasons behind it :)
I know there's a pile of blogs on how to blog (those make me giggle actually XD) that drum in the whole FIND YOUR NICHE thing, and some people do prefer blogs like that, but there's nothing wrong with being a "slice of life" blogger, that also has a ready audience :)
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