I am writing this because it serves as a sort of therapy for me because for the first time in many years I have mental anguish and dare I say, heartache in my life. I normally consider myself a strong person, but that is not the way I have been the past couple of weeks. This is all because I let an ex back into my life when I really should have just told her to leave me alone and to stay away from me.
I have no idea what her objective has been in contacting me in the first place. At first it seemed as though she was genuinely just looking for tips and help in this community that I have been in for quite some time. Most of the people that she knew when she last lived here have moved away so I was the only person that she knew. This is still not a good reason for me to have given in like I did and I predicted before she did step on that plane and move over here, that something like what has actually happened, would happen. I was right, but I wasn't smart enough to do anything to prevent it.
After her crash on the motorbike, she asked me for advice about a hospital. I provided it. The day later she asked me to get her some pain killers because the pharmacies here operate on some sort of "some pharmacies will sell you whatever, some won't sell you anything." I know one of the pharmacies that will sell you basically anything that you want and I have no idea how they get away with it. I guess they don't have any ethics.
After I gave her the drugs she asked me to hang around and have some beers with her. I should have just said no but once again, I have shown my weakness and this is something that only heartache can possibly do to a person. We spent the day with awkward silences and not much to talk about because I had to look at her injuries and be reminded that the reason why she has these is because she was on a ride to hook up with some dude that she had just met at the bar.
When we were dating before she was not the kind of person that would behave like that. I don't know at what point she became a bit of a slut, but she is one now.
When I stop and think about it a bit I realize that I shouldn't allow this to get to me because she isn't cheating on me or anything... we haven't been with one another for years.... I just think it is incredibly inconsiderate of her to be doing this where she knows I will find out about it, and by involving me in helping her heal, I can't help but feel like she is definitely using me. I made the comparison that she is Jenny and she has turned me into her Forrest Gump.
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I know that everyone has fond memories of that movie and I liked it a lot as well. What people don't really talk about is that Jenny was actually a terrible person that only called upon Forrest whenever she needed something from him. This is the way that I am feeling right now.
I went back through our chat log and discovered that there was never a single instance of her initiating a conversation with me that didn't begin with her asking for help with something. She never just sent me a message to see how I was doing, to tell me something exciting in her life, or to even just say hello ever since she returned to Da Nang. Every single conversation began with her asking for help with something.
She was not a terrible person before when I was dating her. She was kind and good and wonderful to be around. Actually, the first couple of times that we hung out since she moved back - and it's only been 4 times or so, the conversation was actually pretty good even though most of it was about reminiscing about things in our past. I genuinely enjoyed the time I was spending with her. However, this opened up a door inside of me that took me a long time to close before and I had hoped would stay that way. I started to care for her again whereas previously I had forgotten what she was doing and no longer even tried to find out.
This is why I am saying that I think that if you run into a similar situation like my own, that you should definitely not take that chance. I truly believe that ex's can't and shouldn't attempt to re-enter one another's lives. There might be a story here and there about things working out but I would imagine that almost all of these attempts never work.
I read somewhere as I was searching for some sort of psychological solution to this that the reason why people get back together with their ex's rather than looking for someone new or just staying alone is because the ex is familiar. They already did the hard work that is dating people from day one, and you already know that person inside and out. Things are comfortable and there are no surprises. This is probably why most people, including me, ignore the fact that there are very real reasons why the relationship ended in the first place and it is incredibly unlikely that these problems are going to simply go away with time.
At the moment I have already told my ex that I can no longer be around her and asked her to please stay away from me and to find other places to hang out at other than my local bars that I frequent. There are hundreds, if not thousands of hang out spots in this town so there is no good reason for her to insist on hanging out in mine. It remains to be seen if she will actually listen to this request. If she doesn't, then I really have no choice but to assume that her intentions towards me are definitely not good and perhaps she actually even gets some sort of enjoyment out of seeing me suffer.
I suppose the next step would be to see if my friends that I have had for ages will have to choose a side. I hope it doesn't come to that.
Don't let an ex back into your life. It will almost certainly only bring you suffering.