Do you even...? | Reflection

Source
We used to be good friends. We would share every single thought, experience or idea we could come up with. I miss our time together. How we laughed, how we enjoyed our stories, how we were there for each other. How impossible it was to feel alone, even when we were apart. I miss us.

We've changed, of course. Our studies, tastes, influences. Now we have new interests, jobs, environments, goals. And our paths just started to go apart from the other.

We don't talk anymore. I don't know where you are, what you're doing, what's troubling you, what are you happy about. It's almost like I don't know you.

However, I still care about you. I'm still interested in your well-being. You are still my friend to me. The problem is... You don't seem to feel the same way. You don't care. You have other people to love now, and there's just not enough space for whatever there could be left of me in your memory.

You shouldn't have forgotten me. But I must admit it's my fault too. I've been through this so many times, I've become a closed soul, forcing itself not to open so much, ever. And, even though it helped me deal with my negative feelings, it costed me the friends I had left. It costed me you. It happened so fast, I never noticed until it as too late.

I've tried to reach you. I've tried to find our connection and... I have failed every single time. I hate that you don't care. Did it even mean something to you? Am I a good memory? Why can't we be friends again?

It's killing me. And I can notice it when, every time I meet someone else and we have funny moments, and then that someone shows a little respect or affection towards me, I become so excited and suddenly now I just wish I had found a new good friend.

That shows me how desperate I've become.

As I said, my soul is mostly closed and I put my attention among other important things. But right now, it's one of those moments where I just can't hold it and I miss every single one of you.

Now, all I have with me is our memories together. Nostalgia has become part of me. Now all I have are those unresponded messages to you. And I am waiting to fall asleep so I can reset myself and forget about all this.

Because right now, lonliness is my only companion.

This is dedicated to several people who have been in my life. This is my untold status about our friendship. I'm sorry, I wish I could tell you all of this... But as you are right now, I guess you wouldn't understand.

But who knows... Maybe this will change. I don't lose hope :)