Journeys of CONTEMPLATION, ACCEPTANCE and GRATITUDE

I write about the power of trying, because I want to be okay with failing. I write about generosity because I battle selfishness. I write about joy because I know sorrow. I write about faith because I almost lost mine, and I know what it is to be broken and in need of redemption. I write about gratitude because I am thankful - for all of it. - Kristin Armstrong

Earlier today, I lay down on the bed to rest my back, stick my headphones on, listen to some tunes and just contemplate life and whatever else happened to randomly pop in to my mind. It is amazing how music can inspire so many internal journeys. As I lay there, I think in a 40 minute period I had already travelled quite a few memories and imaginative journeys.

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I have seen so many posts lately, of people reflecting on their journey through 2017 and it got me thinking about my own experiences throughout this last year… It was NOT an easy year for me, not in any way, shape or form. Anybody who owns a small to medium business in South Africa will testify to the challenges of treading water in our current economic climate - in fact, that seems to be becoming more of a global issue than merely a secular one – but attached to those career stresses, come the emotionally taxing ones, because there is no option but to ensure that you continue to provide.

As I lay there processing all of this, and that despite how many times over the last 350+ days that I have literally just burst into tears and wanted nothing more than to wave my white flag of surrender… I never did.

Here I am - Still standing - Still treading water – Still alive - Still smiling.

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A little while ago, I had a conversation of “acceptance” with my dad. Acceptance of circumstance and that whatever happens, will happen. This is something that I would normally accept with a fair amount of ease, but when it comes to your livelihood it is not always quite as easy to accept that despite putting 11+ years into a venture, it is now actually just stunted by the state of the economy and there is not a whole lot you can do about that – short of investment… which frankly does not interest me, because I am TIRED! I am tired of treading water. I am tired of the industry as a whole and I don’t feel like I am doing what “I should” be doing… not there anyway.

This conversation did wonders for my peace of mind, in as much as, I followed his advice and simply LET GO, COMPLETELY! Once I did that, I was able to breathe again! This may sound strange and it took me a little while to actually “do it” – but I eventually did and I could literally FEEL the ten ton weights lifting off my shoulders. Once that terribly heavy burden of fear and worry had abated, I could focus once more and isn’t it just magnificent how when you are in the right state of mind, everything just literally falls into place. Doors open, opportunities arise, situations change direction and life works “with you” instead of against you – because your attention is on a course that is now feeding your soul instead of robbing it.

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Several things have unfolded since then, and I am in a very different place now, emotionally and mentally – thank goodness! Haha! And yes, the cogs continue to turn and I shall carry on as before (for now) but I am doing it with a whole lot more enthusiasm once more. Anybody who knows me well, will know how utterly relentlessly passionate and enthusiastic I am all round – so I knew I was hearing REALLY LOUD alarm bells, when I felt like I no longer had any enthusiasm left… Something HAD to change – and so it has. Yay! Happy Dance! Lol

Processing all of this, made me ask myself – ”why are you so bloody surprised that you are still standing woman?! – You have endured and overcome a GROTESQUE amount of challenge and you have ALWAYS come out on top.”

I smiled to myself at that point…

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Through it all - the physical, emotional and mental abuse, the drugs, the quick fixes, denial, escapism and running away, the abuse of self – ALL OF IT… HERE I AM!!!!! I am happier now than I have EVER been in my life. I have acquired an ACUTE understanding of how life works on the way here which I am eternally grateful for, because without that toolset – I would most certainly be a lot further back on the road to grasping the ultimate purpose for our existence.

I have learnt about unconditional love, strength, endurance, forgiveness, humility, determination, tolerance, patience, gratitude and an array of other priceless qualities…

So I would be nothing short of a fool if I did not stand here now and say, not only has it been a good year, it has been a REALLY GOOD LIFE… and so it shall continue to be!

Learning to fly baby ;)

Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude. - Denis Waitley

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I must just pay tribute to the site notsalmon - I have always loved her quotes, but interestingly enough... when selecting the quotes to accompany todays post, simply through a google search - each and every one I selected, happened to be hers! Clearly I connect with her mindset - so thank you for that ;)

Until next time...

Much Love from Cape Town, South Africa xxx

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