I'm done using psychology as an excuse for terrible actions. I feel I've shaken off enough withdrawal, the feeling of returning to a heavy psychoactive addiction in order to search for answers I really cannot find. The effects of psychoactive drugs are intense. Sometimes they are intensely good, other times intensely bad.
The real reason I make terrible decisions is that I have sub par control over my actions. While bottling up memories with emotions, I cloud my judgment with an overwhelming attempt to justify short term decisions with long term benefits. Pure utilitarianism is dangerous because it enables slippery slopes. It is as if time is a hill between two peaks.
One can build a bridge between two peaks; this takes effort and time, dedication and patience. Alternatively, one can grab some skis and slide across the valley. This is problematic because it risks slamming into trees and more importantly, leaves nothing behind for others to use.
This selfish approach is quick and may even be successful if lucky. True fortune comes from building the bridge and turning around to see others using the bridge you built.