No one wants to live a happy life. I mean why would we? We only live once, Might as well be as miserable as we possibly can.
Here are some excellent tips, To make your life suck even more than it already does!

Always Focus On The Lives Of Others

It's important to spend all day long comparing yourself to other people! They know best! And when they have a better life than you, You should beat yourself up over it! You're a failure if you aren't living up to their standards.

ALWAYS Wait For The "Perfect Moment"

You should never do anything in life Unless things are perfect!
If the situation isn't perfect, don't waste your time. I mean that's not how you do things in life. So if you have a stomach ache, Or someone in public looks at you funny, Just take the whole day off! Don't start that book today. I mean, There is always tomorrow... Or six years from now! Don't let yourself feel rushed. We all live forever! Life is good!

Hold On To All Worries And Fears!

You have worries and fears for a reason, So make sure you make yourself feel as crappy as possible by constantly reminding yourself about them. Everything that your brain ever comes up with Happens. I mean I was worried that a Unicorn would trample me once, Sure enough, A unicorn appeared and smashed my face in.
If you are afraid to do things, Don't do them. In fact, Encourage everyone around you to follow along with your worries and fears. You'll keep your loved ones safe! You also won't do anything in life. Which is important in society. We need more people who put absolutely no effort into anything.

Always Dwell On Difficult Things!

Difficult things are difficult for a reason: To make you miserable! You are entitled to have everything you want out of life! And when something is difficult you should stomp your foot and be upset! Because the world wronged you.
Difficult things aren't supposed to happen. I mean, If you want to become a millionaire tomorrow, Someone should just give you the money! Or that fat in your gut. It should remove it's self Because it's not fair that you have to put up with that!

ALWAYS Keep People In Life Who Will Hurt You!

I mean seriously! If you want your life to suck, you need to keep those people close to your heart! Hang out with them as much as possible and keep yourself miserable.
People who are toxic, Are an asset to our world! They truly get us closer to our goals and allow us to build the life we want! So don't let one of those people slip from your life! Embrace it!

Conclusion

In case you didn't catch on, DO THE OPPOSITE of what this post says! It's a joke!