According to a recent test based on my algorithm, I am a kind and trustworthy person, but when someone betrays my trust and mistreats me... I never forget!
Now, it is not to fear, judge or hide the dark parts of ourselves that we all have, but rather look at them objectively as information about ourselves, and where we need to make a correction.
I had a bit of a reaction to the word 'hatred', like "no, that's not me," - but this immediately showed me a red flag, that of resistance, judgment and denial. Because when I took a step back and looked objectively, I could see in my life where I had experienced hatred.
I remembered moments in my life where I, for example, felt I had no voice, no say, and I felt like others were preventing me from being myself fully. I could say "I hate that person, they are so pushy/they are taking advantage of me in this way/that way" and so on, feeling like another person was out to make my life experience miserable.
It was only after I began pushing myself to become more assertive, to speak up in situations, and to fight for myself that I began to realize that it was never really about anybody else doing something to me, but rather my own fears, self-judgments and self-limitations that were preventing me from acting and moving myself. I had just been blaming others, which allowed me to remain comfortable and not push myself outside of that comfort zone.
So what does this mean?
The 'hatred' I believed I was experiencing towards another was actually self-hate, because a part of me KNEW, and could SEE what I was actually doing, how I was limiting myself, allowing myself to be pushed around our of fear of confrontation, thinking I cannot do it. This lead to the living of another dark word: self-deprecation.
In looking into this new word, a point opened up in the 'Back to the Basics' series on Eqafe. The recording is called 'The Well of Emotion', and is followed by 'The Bucket Principle' in the same series. If you have a listen, you will see how I changed in one moment, but what is not discussed is the process I walked afterwards and how my life, and even my physical body have changed since I began changing my relationship with myself while looking into self-hate and self-deprecation.
You can find the recordings here: https://eqafe.com/p/well-of-emotion-back-to-basics
And here: https://eqafe.com/p/the-bucket-principle-back-to-basics
For my personal writing, check out:
www.kimsjourneytolife.blogspot.com
Enjoy!
Nice article thank for sharing my friend @kimzilla
I would like to invite you to visit my blog @rizkyakbar upvote and comment my post thankyou friend
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You have to confront whatever it is that you hate about yourself and start loving yourself despite it and for it. Whatever it is, is part of what makes you who you are. There is so much beauty in realizing that. We aren't perfect. We are human. Write down all the wonderful things that you do like about yourself. If you can’t think of anything make a list of things you want to love about yourself. Then reorder them putting the most achievable one first in line. Create the self you’ve always dreamed of being but don't hide from the whatever it is that you hate. Make it a part of your story then fall in love with that story🙂
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Very romantic @leoumesh, but there is no space for self-correction in your pose here. Your words above still accept and allow a kind of enslavement to our human nature by painting it with pretty words that sound nice, but which if we continue to live and believe, we will forever remain limited by an imposed self-definition without ever challenging it.
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Thanks @kimzilla. That is profound and makes sense. The self hatred thing. I think I am like that in a way.
I just cannot stand Bullies or Type A personalities who have zero regard for anyone around them.
I'm kind of passive aggressive. And sometimes when I have seen really blatant bullies around me, there is a deep resentment almost a hatred.
Maybe it is something about my own self that I do not like about. That self hatred you talk about. I am laid back and would soon rather have peace and calm.
Maybe my subconscious is telling me to stand up, be assertive, and be more of a mover and shaker.
And consequently is manifested in this strong resentment towards people who are. Maybe I hate myself for not being that way...not a bully but a type A assertive person LOL
Who knows.
But interesting post. Thanks again :)
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Very cool self-introspection @robertandrew!
In my experience, when I changed, my reaction towards others (those bullies and Type 'A' personalities) also changed. Either I did not react the same way to them, or they actually changed around me because I was giving off a different vibe in my presence, sound and words.
It's definitely worth it to test it out for yourself, and the first step is considering that hey, this might be possible for me!
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That makes sense @kimzilla It's hard sometimes to restrain those knee jerk emotions towards these people. But I will try to see it from that angle of changing my reaction around them.
I'm getting older so I think it is probably about time for me to mellow when it comes to this scenario and those type of aggressive people. thanks for your response
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A pleasure @robertandrew
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@kimzilla, i think everyone has a dark side. It's human.
For a number of people, the "dark" side is a defense mechanism against hurts and external attacks.
For me, my strateggy is to stay aloot and shield myself.
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Cool @idowu-kunlere, stay hidden, stay closed. Unfortunately I, and maybe even you, will never get to know who you really are or can be.
Or
Maybe it is time to question what is 'human', what have we accepted and allowed ourselves to be for so long?
If I can change this one point in my life, then that proves I am changeable, and my human nature is chageable.
Ever heard of neuro-plasticity? It explains why change seems impossible. It is a matter of experience and perception that we make real through repetition and physical integration. But it is revolutionary in explaining how we are chageable by nature, so long as we become actual decision-makers in our own lives, and do not continue to the way we had programmed ourselves over the years and in un-awareness.
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Self hate is a hard cycle to get out of, it can be put there by others, or sometimes society itself, the problem can be stopping to do it, this can only be done with removing judgement from yourself and stopping trying to be something or someone that you are not, only when you do that and let go and accept yourself for as you are, they you will be free.
Interesting Post :-)
Upvoted and Followed :-)
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