I used to be far thinner and prettier than I am now but I really started to appreciate myself more as I grew less attractive.
As I have become less stereotypically pretty and guys stopped following me home cat-calling me reminding my that my body is pretty awesome I have also started to care more about things that matter. I have spent more time educating myself, learning skills, creating art, reading. I have started to reallocate my self-worth putting it into categories that matter more.
The problem with placing all our self worth on our looks is that they will inevitably fade.
I now value my brain and my creativity. I value my kindness and my relationships. I see myself as so much more than a pretty face on a good body. This is refreshing. This is a relief. We are all going to grow old and nobody is going to stay "hot" forever. I want to enjoy my middle age years. I want to cultivate a life where I still have value after my boobs start sagging and wrinkles form around my eyes from all the laughing I have been doing.
This happened to me when I got so ill and gained weight as a result. I am not morbidly obese but I am fat enough that I am no longer "hot". I am losing weight now slowly for my health but I am glad I got to experience this crisis. This experience made me realize how much I had tied into my silly body. Who cares? Who cares about the aesthetics of this shell that my entire expansive, magical fucking being is trapped inside of? This isn't what I want to care about. I want my body to be healthy but I don't want to dream of plastic surgery to remove my genetic fatty under-eye bags. I don't want to struggle to get back to a size 3 pants. I want to live and I want to learn.
How to start putting less weight on your appearance.
Try to remember how much you have going for you in other departments. Are you a great friend? A good listener? Hilarious? Great at rock climbing? An amazing painter? A mathematician? The best chess player you know? Value THOSE things. Learn to put more weight onto those parts of you. We all get old, and how we look is not the most important part of our lives.
I am not saying not to love your face or your body. I am just saying love yourself for more than that super sexy meat puppet of yours.
I love this informative post. I love the idea of you maintaining your skin whether black,red or white or whatever your complexion may be. You are beautiful in your own way and no one can dispute that if you really understand the true beauty of nature. Always stay natural and you wouldn't ever fell inferior to anyone whosoever coz you are already perfect. Big ups @lauralemons
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Yes we all get old. One good thing about getting old is wisdom.
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I am happier the older I get honestly.
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Looks are a tool, nothing more. It should not drive self-esteem, just self-awareness of the tools you have available to you.
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True.
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This post received a 41% upvote from @randowhale thanks to @lauralemons! For more information, click here!
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You bring up a really good point, we tend to find our value in how other people see us. Which is such a shame because we never listen to those who think very highly of us, more often than not we only give voice to those who think very little of us. You on the other other hand have learned to find your value in your talents. Because your mind is what last forever while your body is ever fading . As always thanks for sharing!
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Yes, our mind is with us until death. Although for many suffering from senility, Alzheimer, or dementia it doesn't last forever. :)
And you are right, we do too often listen to those that think poorly of us. Myself included. Working on that.
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Which is crazy because you are so beyond talented, hear it, believe it, embrace it!
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Awww. blush mega blush Thank you.
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The best make up you can apply is your smile and a kind word out of your mouth. Yes as you said appearances fade overtime, but that is when the inside kicks in and you can now rely on that creativity and brains that you had developed over the years. Thanks for sharing
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That was pretty much my entire point in the post. :) Being a decent person matters so much more than how we look.
Many people place so much time and energy and wrap their self worth in JUST their physical appearance which causes them to be very depressed as they naturally age.
I find beauty in people of all ages and I say that honestly. I have seen so many beautiful old people! ^_^
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You are a true GEM. Keep the good stuff (content flowing girl) and again thanks for sharing
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Thank you! :) I will try! I skip days when I feel like I don't have anything to say. hehe
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So true! There's such a huge part of our society that is swimming in the shallow end of the pool and just focusing on outward appearances. Beauty is an inside job and I feel so bad for really young women who are growing up with photoshopped images on Instagram that set unrealistic expectations. Thanks for an awesome post, upvoted and following you :)
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Thanks a lot! Yes, young women are impressionable and easy targets and certainly take this to heart. Being a young women was hard for me and it wasn't even instagram age. Now it is probably even worse. :<
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Followed back. :)
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Thanks so much and I agree, growing up was never easy but for these young women it must be so much more difficult... :<
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@laralemons so true. We all will lose our outer shine as we age and those that have cultivated and put all their stock in their outer self will be in for a shock.
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I've seen it happen. People who put that much stock into their looks get DEVASTATED when they age. It is almost mildly amusing to watch. In a sadistic way. It becomes heartbreaking when they don't cope with this loss and end up still clinging to their youth and desperately trying to hold on. :<
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Awesome and important post. Thank you.
I remember being at some self-development retreat, and one of the many quotes that were mentioned went "Comparisons are deadly. Your life is YOUR life."
Of course, I'm a guy so that's probably different. I remember being thought "dweeby" as a teen and through college, "nerdy" after that... but in my mid-40's I suddenly became "attractive." Although it's obviously the reverse process of most people, I could never figure out why it was so important to many people to compare me to some societal norm...
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I think nerdy and dweeby are attractive traits. hehe
Yeah it is weird how much people care about such things.
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obsession with physical beauty is superficial and I have found those folks tend to be artificial. Yes it is true that ones image or outward appearance can be a reflection of the inside. The key words is can be. I believe the heart and soul is what truly matters. I will take a person with a heart of gold before a trim and thin polished dresser . Great post. I upvoted.
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Yeah can be is an important distinction. I now look a bit unkempt and chubby but it's simply due to very serious physical illnesses, one of which directly affects my weight. I much more care about a person's insides as you said. :) So much more important.
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you will be in my prayers. I am following and upvoted. Chubby women rock!!!
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hah I think some chubby women rock but so do some thin women. I am chubby as a result of disease so not really something I am stoked about but also not something I hate myself over. I need to be thinner to be healthy with PCOS though so that is my goal. :) Thanks!
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I do not know PCOS but I still hope you get better with what ails you. I see you are in Minnesota only a state down from Iowa where I am. I am sure there are some Steemians here in Davenport. I just do not know any. Best wishes.
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I have many ailments but PCOS is the one that makes my chubbiness extra dangerous healthwise. :) Thank you for the well wishes. I have never been to Iowa but have a friend who grew up there.
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Hi Laura! good post! I used to be thinner and feel so ashamed about my body. Now I'm feelling better with my weigth and I pay more attention to food and drink at least 2 lts of water. StreTch marks used to make me feel so badly, you can't imagine but now I don't give a f&$ck about it. I love my body no matter what. Thanks for sharing :)
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Awesome! I am getting to that point too. Have new stretch marks on my tummy that I would have died over a few years ago when I was obsessively working out and eating mainly lettuce. Now I like running my fingers over them and playing with them. We must remember our bodies are tools not ornaments. :)
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yes I agree with you!sometimes it's difficult and now with all this fitness movement around wich I think is good but not too much. Those kind of bodys are so difficult to get. Isn't for all of us hahaha
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It'd be literally impossible for me with my diseases and limitations so it shouldn't be viewed as a necessity or norm. You can be perfectly healthy without having an instagram fitness model body too. :)
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This reminds me of when I was a little girl. EVERYONE used to call me cute, beautiful, etc... and one day when I was 13 years old I broke down and started crying in my mom's lap. I said "I want to be smart, funny, and kind, NOT beautiful! What good is beauty?!"
Then from that day forward my family FINALLY started noticing that I was something other than a golden curly haired doll. We need to always be reinforcing the other characteristics in our children!!!
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Exactly! So important. There are so many more meaningful compliments to pay our children. We need to notice something other than their looks. It is fine to tell your child they are beautiful and cute but it should not be the only thing they hear.
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It is what is inside that counts. I have met some people that were pretty on the outside and horribly ugly on the inside. So sad.
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Yes and didn't they become immediately unattractive? For me that is the case and reversely I have met people that I thought "eh" when I first looked at them and they were amazing people so I ended up finding them insanely attractive. hehe
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I once read of a woman doing a self-help challenge where she removed all the mirrors in her house and avoided looking herself in any reflections. At the end of the challenge, she reported feeling less anxious about her physical appearance and much happier with her life.
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Oh wow. That is interesting. I should look that up. Sadly I don't think my roommate would agree to covering our mirror but I sure would like to try it! :)
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Well, you can start by simply not giving a shit about the mirror! :) (warning is harder than it sounds)
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Yeah that is really hard. Much easier if I get rid of it! hehe But I am trying. :)
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i too battled illness and put on some weight - am following now
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It can be difficult to deal with when illness changes our body. I hope you find some of my blogs helpful! Followed back. :)
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thans Laura and i wish you good health
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I agree with what's inside is huge. But, (you knew that was coming, right) True beauty, that some people are born with, is a signal to the opposite sex. I am speaking on the young people who just radiate beauty. Absolutely not the botox, plastic surgery, Frankenstein look. They are displaying good genetics. I'm sure this author understands that, and is only pointing out the fact, that who we are can be true beauty. As I have grown older, I think who you are is more important than what you look like. Thanks to people like you, maybe others can see that too.
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Yes clearly evolution wise their is a reason youth is found to be attractive but what I am speaking about has more to do with the obsession with youthfulness and beauty and a lot of that actually stems from consumerism. Finding youthful people attractive isn't the problem. I already blogged about ageism and that combined with this obsession and mingled with advertising and social media creates an issue. We have people who are so afraid to age they are clinging to their looks in an unhealthy way. There are many factors. But, all of them aside, yes there is a reason for our attraction to beauty as a species. :)
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I am just glad I am aging in a way where I am coping healthily with it. I was one of the people who placed my self worth entirely on my looks partially because so many people chased after me telling me how beautiful I was all the time. It created an unhealthy perspective of myself. Glad I was able to overcome that and focus on my other assets. :)
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Good saying, I love your post. It is really awesome.
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Thank you. :)
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Congrats forse this article and for tour choice in life. You'll probably less known by people just looking for outside but more appreciated by people who cares of what you are
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everything can be achieved by positive thinking thats what I learned and for sure it will work 100%, so if u want a good physic you just need to imagine a perfect which you want and with in no time will look how u imagined......if u have any doubts contact me will be grateful to help :)
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very motivational post...waiting for some more...keep it up dear! :)
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Beautiful post. Beauty comes in all forms, sometimes I think nerdy people are the most beautiful! Keep writing! xo LEE
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This is confidently written. I can see it in the words. Well done. I am giving it an upvote :)
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YAY for self love. fuck society views on how men/women should look. We are ALL beautiful.
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I would have to agree, and would suggest to share that small piece of advice as much as possible.
Women need to understand that their beauty will fade with time. So they should not waste too much time with aesthetics and looks.
Instead, they should get married, have kids and enjoy family life or follow other passions.
The real issue is that the beauty standards set by the fashion industry are creating lack of self-confidence in most women nowadays. And they feel less secure when they do not look like Kim Kardashian for example.
What can we do against that?
To me, not much. It would require a complete mind reboot.
But if we start with changing the ads and tv commercials and show 'regular' women, this might bring the change. It will take years but it will be more efficient.
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