I have Chronic Kidney Disease (CKD). I was diagnosed when I was just over a year old. I have been ill for 35+ years. Through the years my illness has taken on many forms, from weeks in the hospital, to almost symptom free, to that murky meh place where I feel somewhere in between the two.

I've had a lot of awkward conversations throughout the years with people about my illness. Here are some things I implore you not to say to someone with a chronic disease.

"You know, my coworker had almost the same thing and now she just eats strawberries everyday and she's fine!"

Please, please don't compare us to your aunt, coworker, or that actress on that show. Chronic illness strikes and manifests differently in every person. That's great for your coworker, really, but I am not her.

"But please, just stay a little longer. What else do you have going on?"

I am flattered that you like and appreciate my company. I really am. But making me feel guilty for cutting plans short is not helpful. I try my best not to flake out on people, but sometimes it cannot be avoided. Please don't make me feel guilty for cancelling plans. Chances are your chronically ill pal has enough guilt to deal with already.

"But, did you try eating strawberries everyday?"

This is a big one for me. I do not need your unsolicited medical advice. I don't mind the odd suggestion, but chances are I know about my body and illness more than you. I know that Dr.Oz show you saw about foods that can cure was compelling, but please don't badger me about it.

"You're so young, and you certainly don't look sick"

I get this one a lot, even from healthcare professionals. I realize I am a special case, and being on dialysis for almost 20 years is nothing short of miraculous. I know I look awesome on the exterior, but my insides are a flaming mess. Just because someone doesn't look sick or in pain doesn't mean they aren't.

There are just a few key things to help guide you if you ever come across someone who is sick on an ongoing basis. I want to stress that I know when people say these things they all mean well. I understand that. I know people genuinely want to be helpful.

However, it's been my experience if you want to be helpful the best thing you can say is, I believe you.

I believe that you are in X amount of pain. I believe you have done everything in your power to be as healthy as you can be. I believe you when you had no choice but to cancel our plans.

Thanks for reading.

L.

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