Eleven Months

I have lost the only true love I had with my war, my battle. I pushed you away.
Your patience has been pushed to the limits.
An ignored apology, you won't acknowledge today.
I must bear my soul with regret and must beg for forgiveness like many times before.

I said a prayer a moment ago
and in my prayer I asked God for change.
I asked Him for better days ahead with still waves at sea and to calm the rains.

My life has been tumultuous at my own doing and I ignored God, to say the least.
I bottled up my anger and insecurities, and spewed my issues at you like a savage beast.
You don't deserve a creature like me who is still trying to find his way to the present.
I've been living out my yesteryears and old glories, and not concentrating on what God has now presented.

My potential, I have silenced. My future, I have sealed its fate.
You have discovered what is different now from what you fell in love with our first date. You first accepted the changes, the change in my luck, and my periodic frustrations. We both coped with my nagging disposition, and the ritual visit of my irritating demonstrations.

We both have our flaws in this relationship and we definitely had our share of mistakes. I thought forgiveness was the way of the Christian, and to continue this forgiveness is what it will take.
I had always questioned your motives and why you love me so, staring at you in a doubting, perplexed state.
I guess all this was too good to be true because the end is now with no debate. As each minute passes without a phone call I feel as if I never mattered much to you.
Before my prayer, the pain stabbed at my heart, and I didn't know what else to do. Praying for strength and to find myself, and to know my direction at best. I know this relationship was only a stop in life's journey and the pains of this experience were only a test.

I know I can't change your mind about this, for I know it is much too late. Maybe our paths will cross in the future, aligning our planets in a romantic fate.
I hope and pray the best for you, my Q, because you deserve the goods that life can bring.
Remember, if I get another chance to love you again, I will prove to you that you are my everything!