What is Forgiveness and Why Should You Care?

Forgiving is the act of releasing personal guilt, past hurts, or emotional pain. If we let go of our past hurts and continue to live in fear of them, it is very likely that we will keep repeating cycles of angry, hurt feelings, until we find ourselves in a life-threatening situation. It is important that we take forgiveness seriously and begin to forgive others (and themselves) whenever we can for the sake of our children, spouse, and ourselves. When we are in a place where forgiveness is essential, we become connected with the higher power of love, rather than being consumed by its darker shadow.

We often ask ourselves, "What is forgiveness and why should I care?" We often put off answering these questions because we feel as if our life is simply not worth it. If we are not at peace in our heart, life is not worth living. So, the first step to forgiveness is to find inner peace.

It is natural to want to forgive those who have caused us pain, but remember that without forgiveness we are merely floating in air. God does not punish us for the sake of having forgiveness. So, while we may forgive others for hurting us, we ourselves cannot forgive others for hurting us. And when we do so, we harm our brothers and sisters in return.

In order to move toward forgiveness, we must let go of our responsibility to hurt others. When we try to hold onto anger, resentment, or any other "hard" emotion, we literally explode at our children, our spouse, our boss, our co-workers, and everyone else who get close to us. We explode because we refuse to release any control over our emotions. We believe that our reaction to others is their responsibility. When we do this, nothing we do is ever forgiveness-worthy.

The second step to forgiveness is to understand that we, ourselves, do not become angry, resentful, or bitter simply because someone has caused us grief, pain, embarrassment, or even sadness. We do not get upset or depressed because someone has made us feel inadequate, unloved, rejected, or vulnerable. The only reason we become angry or depressed is because we choose to act in response rather than let go of our responsibility to feel our feelings. When we allow others to make us feel bad, we feel bad.

The third step to forgiveness is to choose to let go of our power over forgiveness. If we believe that forgiveness is simply letting go of the responsibility to feel angry or depressed, then it becomes impossible to let go of our own sense of accountability. When we allow someone else to hurt us, we must also allow ourselves to feel pain. And the more we hurt others, the more we become angry and depressed.

The fourth step to forgiveness is to connect our forgiveness with self-empowerment. It does not make sense to forgive when we are seeking to control who we are or what we do. When we release the responsibility for our own hurts, we open ourselves up to receiving love from others and creating a sense of wholeness. When we release our sense of accountability for our own hurts, we also release the responsibility for the hurts of others. This allows us to experience love in a place of safety and security - without worrying about being accountable for our own hurts. It also allows us to freely express love and compassion in a safe and accepting place, without fear of criticism or judgment.

The fifth and final step to forgiveness is to practice it. The more often we engage in forgiveness, the more fully we will understand and be able to forgive others. As I stated in my book, "Why Do You Need to forgive?" It is a deeply rewarding and healing experience to learn about forgiveness and the power it can have in transforming your life.