I was just out in the garden, when I realized "I think today is my anniversary!!" I came in and checked the date and sure enough it's the 25th. My Re-Birthday, the day marking the greatest, and hardest challenge of my life so far.

My whole life I felt pretty uncomfortable in my skin, I had a hard time making friends, I was the odd one out socially. I was "weird" and very very sensitive, yet despite all of that I kept putting myself in social situations, and I couldn't even help myself but to say the things I wanted to say. I was outgoing, and could never just keep my mouth shut when I believed strongly about something, or wanted to dress a certain way, do my hair the way I wanted to, which led to me being a pretty big "loser" in the eyes of my peers. Even though I would be myself no matter what, it still hurt me deeply to not be accepted. I cared so much what these other people thought of me. Then, when I was around 14 I discovered alcohol...

The key to not caring what others thought. I could just be me, my loud, outgoing, weird self, and suddenly not feel any anxiety or even think about what the thoughts of others was. However, there was a huge downfall with this. I ended up doing things I wouldn't even normally do sober. I took it to the limit time and time again, and of course as you could imagine, it got me ostracized even more. And I did care what people thought still, just not that night, only the next day, or weeks, or months, even to this day I'm still haunted by some of my careless behaviours. My hurtful words and actions.

Finally when I was 26, after doing so much silly shit, and really jeopardizing my life and all the things that really mattered to me, I decided that was that. I bet no one in my life really thought I was serious, I mean, I am the party girl of all partiers. I MAKE parties anywhere I go. I LOVE to party and have fun, and I LOVED beer like a best friend. But, somehow, miraculously I was able to stay away. (Even though I was a bartender at the time, and I stayed in that job for years after). I found a vast reservoir of inner strength, and I tricked my brain, I would tell myself, "Ok Lyndsay, today you are not drinking, but tomorrow you can get absolutely shit-faced drunk!" I did this every single day for about a year. Finally I didn't need to have that inner talk anymore.

I created a new habit.

So much has changed in my life since quitting the drink. I woke up to the corruption of the world almost immediately. I started researching the truth about everything. I didn't feel like crap anymore in the mornings. I suddenly had no NEW regrets to stew and cry over. My music skills got better. I was a more kind and compassionate parent to my son Eddie, I had a tonne more patience!

On my 1 year anniversary of not drinking...a very amazing thing happened. I had my first music jam at my house, with my Now-Husband. We were in a band that got together just a couple weeks before that, and on June 25th, 2008 he came over, and it was just the two of us working on some songs. I looked back later and realized that was my gift from the Great Spirit...for conquering my demons.

Within another year and a half we had started dating. Soon after that he professed his love for me and asked if he could be Eddie's Dad. And soon after that we started trying to have more children. We had 2 more beautiful sons by late 2011.

Now, we have our family, we have beautiful gardens, and so many chickens, and want to raise even more animals. My life could never have turned out this way if I kept drinking!!! I am so grateful and thankful for that willpower I was blessed with in 2007 that led me to this beautiful life I/We are living.

Thanks for reading a piece of my heart. Much Love, and if you are struggling with alcohol, feel free to reach out to me, anytime! I'm here.

Love,

Lyndsay