How I Managed Moving Across the Country at 18

So before I get to how amazing my life is now, I figured I should share some of the struggle before the success. Now, I also haven't reached the peak of my success, but I've come a long way since graduating high school and moving across the country for college. I'm proud of the challenges I've overcome and the person I've become because of those challenges.

So here's a bit of my story, the part where I decided the city and life I lived was not enough. The part where I decided I was comfortable, and I did not seek comfort, but rather I needed a challenge. The part where I left everything I knew behind, and took a chance on something new.

I am from the place most people would die to live in. I called Orange County, California my home for eighteen years. I lived in the same house and around the same people for my whole childhood/adolescence. Now, I won't lie, most times I loved it. I loved having a consistent life with amazing parents, good friends, and the same bed to sleep in each night. It gave me a deep comfort that was extremely peaceful to me. But there were times where I wanted to escape. Bad times. And in those bad times, I didn't find comfort in my comfortable life. I found comfort in ideas of escaping that comfortable life. So, when it came time to choosing a college, I knew it couldn't be in California. Not only could it not be in Southern California, but it could not be on the West Coast at all. I was tired of the culture. I was tired of this constant notion of "fitting in" and "being loved by all". And although there are aspects of this culture that are permanently engrained within me, I've found a lot more peace and love for myself since making my journey across the United States.

I applied for several colleges, all in different states along the East Coast. And my final decision was influenced by two factors; family and money. Out of all the colleges I wished to attend, Penn State had been my number one choice. My father, being from Pennsylvania, greatly supported this. However, he wanted me to do what was going to make me happy. My mother wanted me to do the same. (ps. I am blessed with some truly amazing parents, but I'll get into that in a later post) That being said, the family who influenced my decision were not my parents. Rather, it was my father's family in Pennsylvania . The idea of being near family who I never got to spend time with as a kid was enticing. My mother's family lived extremely close to us in California, but extremely far away in aspects of love. They were selfish, harsh, and cold. So by the time I was in middle school, they were no longer in my life. The only reliable family I was used to having was my parents, and my sister. Therefore, the idea of being with family who wanted me and loved me was exciting.
The second aspect of my college decision was bittersweet. I truly wanted to attend Penn State University Park, but after being accepted and seeing the cost, I had to make another decision. As much as I believe in doing whatever makes you happy, no matter the cost, the whole decision felt wrong. I knew that it wouldn't be worth the debt I would have later on. So instead, I decided to attend Penn State Harrisburg, in hopes of eventually transferring to their main campus. Not only would this save me a boatload of money, but it would also allow me to live with my family for a little while.

So by January of 2016, I decided that I would be moving across the country, to Harrisburg, Pennsylvania to pursue my education and a new life. And by late August of 2016, I said goodbye to my best friends, my parents, and my childhood home and boarded a plane to my new home.

The excitement was a driving factor for me when I first arrived. I welcomed the change with open arms. I spent countless hours with my family going out to dinner, exploring, and catching up on several missed years. I didn't doubt my decision once. Until school started.

In high school, I was fairly popular. I was used to going to ever class, knowing who everyone was and being liked by the majority. Even with a thousand students in my graduating class, I knew almost everyone. I made it a point to not only be social, but to be kind and to be active in my school community. So when that first day of college came, and I knew no one I was hit with a hard reality. This. Is. Terrible.
Now, it didn't help that I had a three hour break between each of my three classes, but I think even if I didn't that it still would have been hard. I found myself sitting at school alone, trying to find something to do. I would text my parents, sister, and old friends constantly trying to find some sort of social interaction. Even if I didn't have to be at school, I was going home to an empty house until around four or five when my family would arrive home from work. I found myself crying most nights. Doing school work was my only distraction. The rest of August and at least half of September went by with me in a serious homesick state. I regretted my decision of moving, and wanted nothing more than to take it all back. But one day, my mom texted me something that I encouraged me to take heart. She told me "Your will is what makes the way." And it clicked. I wasn't going to meet anyone by sitting there. I wasn't going to end my loneliness by crying at night, or wishing someone would talk to me. I had to make the way.
So, I searched different clubs available on my campus. And there were two that caught my eye. A month later, I found myself in the Student Government Association and Lion Ambassadors. Two different leadership clubs with amazing people who now composed my new group of friends. My life had taken a turn for the better all because of my will to do so. If I hadn't joined those clubs, I probably would have failed here. I wouldn't have met my beautiful friends, and I wouldn't have fell in love with my amazing boyfriend. Just because of my will to make a change, I was able to make my own happiness.

I'm still learning as I go, and this move is still fresh to me. But one thing I'm sure of is the power of my own will to make a way. If you don't try, you're going to fail. There's a lack of care nowadays to try and make your own happiness. I find so many people wanting happiness to just fall into their lap, when happiness is in fact an active choice. You have the ability to be happy every.single.day.

Leaving everything I knew behind was not easy. I'm not going to pretend like it was. But, it was the best decision I could have made for myself. I've learned more in the past year and half of my life than I have my entire time living in California. And that's because I made a decision to not only challenge myself, but to be happy by my own will.

I encourage everyone to take that challenge that scares you, because you might just end up better than you've ever been.

Xx. Much love
--Mackenzi