Life has a restart button, but it doesn't work like you'd expect

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Not often do I tear up a couple of times listening to a podcast. A handful, maybe?

But today’s was different, and it hit a cord.

An avid fan of the Startup Podcast, I was just catching up with a recent episode that the founder, Alex Blumberg personally hosted. If you’re a regular follower of that hit Gimlet Media show, you’ll know that Alex documented his startup journey in a podcast (meta-ly, his startup is about a podcast company), and while Season 1 is very much about his personal journey, the other seasons are about others. And since then, he has moved on to bigger roles, but I always loved it when he pops in from time to time to do an episode.

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On this episode, Alex talked to Skylar, who was in prison for 3 years on a couple of small crimes - theft, drug possession, assaulting police officers. Starting his life anew is not easy, so Skylar decided he wanted to document his struggles, his triumph, his thoughts, and reached out to Alex for advice. That was the catalyst that gave birth to this episode.

https://gimletmedia.com/episode/just-hit-record-season-6-episode-5/

I highly recommend if you have 40 minutes, listen to it. You may to may not find parallelism to your own life, like Alex and I did, but you’ll never know, right? We all live a life that’s metaphoric to someone else’s, vice versa.

So why it struck my cord?

The big concept in that 40ish minute episode, is about restarting life. Alex started Gimlet after leaving his job, in search for more purpose in his life. Skylar started documenting his life after leaving prison, in search for more purpose in his life. They both hit life’s restart button, and unlike how a phone that performs better, or how you can attempt that boss level again with your last live, in reality, it doesn’t always start out easy.

I personally felt it.

For example, after the divorce, I can hit the reset button and start romancing again. I did hit the button after a few months, but trust it, it wasn’t easy. It’s a constant choice you have to make, to set aside the judgement of others that weren’t there in the first place, but you still placed it upon yourself to carry. To learn to trust again knowing you’ve failed big time before, to be more wary knowing you can’t prepare yourself for every step, to let go knowing you may not get it back again.

Or when my businesses failed, or when I was back in debts, or when I was going through a day where I just repeatedly hit the snooze button, denying my responsibilities.

You see, the restart button in games or devices, well, you’re the external party. In a way, you were playing God by giving yourself the second chance to shape the outcome of something totally external to you. You were the observer and controller of something detached from you, it wasn’t personal, and you have the wisdom of hindsight and foresight from a higher perspective.

The restart button in life? Well, someone is definitely looking from above, but you’re navigating through life in the first person view, armed with some hopeful wisdom, some tarnished memories, some red lights to look out for. You think you know where the fork down the road leads, but when you get there, it wasn’t the same. How can it be, you said to yourself. You’ve been on the same path, but why does the goal differ?

You tell yourself it’s going to get better, because you’ve faced challenges before. Those challenges, when you look back, you felt a certain sense of pride. It lifted you up a bit, showed you a glimmer of hope.

The restarted version of life has its challenges too, but trust me, it gets really personal in the first few days, weeks and months.

You isolate yourself, not wanting the poison of the world to touch you, but deep down, you know you didn’t want your poison to touch others too. You smile the hardest smile, laugh the toughest laugh - the kinds where you put up when others ask “Hey, how are you doing?” You look for old escapes - racking up your credit card bills buying useless things, hurried steps to the liquor store around the corner in hopes for a quick fix, or hurting others for the sake of feeling superior.

For a moment, brief for some, longer for others, you question what’s the fucking point of the restart when it is no way better than the original. But there’s no CTRL-Z this time around. You can backtrack all you want, but like a sick X-Men time-continuum, you just got to look ahead, and take the step forward. It’s just the only way.

But you wanna know something?

This too shall pass. The silent battles, the hidden wounds, the burden on your shoulders, they all shall pass. And when you do look back, dark as it may be, you’ll admit that it was a brilliant restart, a great 2.0. You came out stronger, your smiles with your eyes now, your every new pace more sure than the previous, your head held much higher.

Some of you reading this would remember your restart, like how Alex recounted his. Other, may be going through the first few moments since the restart, like Skylar and me. No matter what, cliche as it may sound, stay strong, strive on, because one day, it’s gonna make one heck of a story for the grandkids.

And who knows, they may even make a podcast out of your tale.