Algorithm

in life •  6 years ago 

meesterboom_algorithm.jpg

I slapped my card with an I got all dem monies swagger against the contactless bit of the card machine in the cafe.

Myself and the little dude serving me both waited a moment for that little acknowledging hey everything's cool beep from the machine.

Instead, it made a different kind of beep, one that was darker and full of menace.

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The little dude jerked as if his Aunty had just inserted a skinny parsnip up his Jack Sparrow.

Erm, sorry. Your payment has been declined.

What, balderdash! You think to bejazzle me with your words, young feller me jib?

Said I, or words to that effect.

Eh, no mate. It just says Not Authorised.

Hmm, I shall use another more convenient method of payment than this modern folly of contactless

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After paying with some good old fashioned paper notes I ventured outside. This had happened to me a few times lately and I was getting a bit narked by it.

I phoned the bank.

After the prerequisite ten minutes navigating through a phone menu sub-system that almost gave me a hernia, I got through to a human.

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The conversation was as thus:

Me: I made a contactless payment and for about the third time this week it got declined. Is my card humped? Do I need a new one?

Him: Yeah, that. It's not your card. it's an anti-fraud measure. Your card is ok. If you use it too often without putting in your pin it declines your transactions until you use your pin.

Me: That's a bit rubbish

Him: Yeah. Well, it's anti-fraud. Stops fraudulent use you see?

Me: Ok. How many times can I use it before having to use my PIN? Just so I know. I can plan for it.

Him: Ah. I can't say. It depends.

Me: Depends on what?

Him: It's worked out by an algorithm...

Me: An algorithm?? What's that?

Him: Pardon?

Me: What's an algorithm?

There was a deafening silence.

Eventually:

Him: Erm. I don't know

Me: I guess we are goosed then?

Him: Yeah, I guess so.

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These strange algorithms tend to stop the legitimate credit card holder from using their card, however the crooks can use your spoofed card without any issues.

I have the same nonsense happen to me and I have to call my bank to have the card unlocked after around 8 different transactions.

I completely understand your frustration.

It is rather annoying, as you say, the crooks wont be stopped by such simple measures I bet!

Maybe I don't have much time to read these days, but just came to say that I wish you a super cool week.
Lot's of luv Boomz <3

Hey hey potato pie!!! Much love to you too!! Hope everything is alright with you?

All great, closed my exams. Seems I'm smarter than average potato.
Preparing myself for summer, not sure what am I gonna do though.
Probably will work on some project and combine it with steemit.
Have to find more time and read your posts :D

Hehe, posts can wait, summer can't!

Just think of all the fun and adventure ahead!

This happened to me two or three (or four, or five) weeks ago, though with an ATM. I wasn't allowed to withdraw because my card was invalid. So, I phoned the bank, and after twenty minutes (are we in a pissing contest or a pissed off contest?) they told me I needed to go to my home branch, which was two hours away from where I live now. I avoided it like the plague because it was at the ground floor of my first ever corporate job. But, I bit the bullet (broke my tooth, too), and went. After standing in line for what seemed like a little over eternity, I spoke to a seemingly human person and was told that I haven't changed my PIN ever. I told the lady that I not only changed the PIN years ago, I've withdrawn money from the damned thing countless of times. After a few minutes of shoddy detectivity, we discovered that my card was part of an upgrade to a newer version. They disabled my card for so that they could upgrade me to a better version that they have no clue when it's arriving. The solution she told me was to just wait, and if the new card doesn't come, I would have to wait for a few more months.

Did you miss my post-within-post comments??

Hahaha!!

Oh yes indeed I missed them!! Steemit without @jedau is like macaroni without cheese!

They are bastards. Plain and simple. Sometimes I think someone just needs to infect done common sense into them. Forcibly, via a penis or something

Macaroni without cheese sounds awful!

Unfortunately, of all the diseases that needs curing, common sense is the one they got to first. One of the easiest ailments that humans could be cured of in this day and age. Entirely a bad thing.

Common sense... Do people even have that anymore!?! :0F

You know, I've read it in some history books, but I haven't delved on them quite deeply. Must be some ancient philosophy or some sort.

I wonder what it is though? Doesn't sound very useful

Must be a passing thing. If it was any important, there would be ads about it littered across the interwebs.

I have only seen ads for the thing I looked at on Amazon, which is unusual on a pr0n site but I dont question anything anymore

The guy at the bank was clueless. He probably works in a call centre for the bank in a third world country that doesn't pay him enough to care...

I suspect that is exactly where he works!

It is annoying when you spend time to pay and then says that "the hots does not answer or error on the chip".
but more annoying is that you call the fucking number of the damned banks to see what happens to help you and to robot that tells you that prions as many options as possible after a while do you want to tell:
"hasta cuándo? este coño e´ Madre me tiene de color verde! ... but you realize that your anger is big , but she does not feel anything!
After he finally takes care of you, it's as if they had not done it because he who speaks to you knows less than you! Que mierda!!
tiempo perdido para nada

Hehe, it is very true! I hate it when the person on the phone is an idiot!

Algorithm!!! Me don't know either, sounds Spanglish to me.

Hehe, thats what he should have said

An algorithm sounds like a musical term, like a 'beat'. What he may have been trying to say was that you had been beaten.

Damn, he was right in more ways than one!!

Lolol them maths are at the bottom of all that's wrong with the world.

Exactly, what good have they ever done us! :0D

Divide and conquer, erm I mean who didn't love the word problems in school even if they were deceptively named so as to infiltrate our comfort zone with their cipher!

I do like it when they trick you into the learning. They must have stopped doing it!

Not to ruin the fun, but on a very serious note, have you seen the videos of schooling in China with 60 kids to a classroom and the unbelievably advanced math they do in school compared to everywhere else in the world?

I haven't no. I will have to have a look. I thought it was only Japan that was mad for the advanced child teaching

I wish I had some resources but it seems that the Chinese have everyone beat in that regard, South Korea as well.

They will reap the benefits!

I could explain it to you but really can't be bothered haha

Maybe he couldn't either ;0)

He didn't have a clue lol

They rarely do!

"Good god sir, you're ACTUALLY asking me questions related to my job here?!"
The nerve, M.B.
Kind of reminds me of the Hardware Store....go ask the person what a Diddlewhomper wrench is best used for, and he leads you back to the rack, pulls the package down, flips it over, and reads it back to you.
I [!!!!] can do THAT! Matter of fact, I did. Twice! Calling our world a folly is giving it far too much credit sometimes....

Ha, that is one of my pet hates. It's right up there with the doctor googling your symptoms. Which has happened to me twice lately!

Yowza, and Hmm. My doctor used to leave the room to 'get her stethoscope' in the office now and then, when I asked too many ??. I thought she just needed a break. Now I think that is what she was doing. Looking up answers on Google in her office. You CAN'T lose your scope THAT often. Unfortunately, your bad experience is my learning-curve squasher-downer. Sorry about that, Gov, but thanks ( :

Hehe, it's a pleasure to be a learning curve for someone else!!

I thought that in Western Countries Banks are cool, no problem, no stuck,...etc. And of course in our Biblical Country only bank problems, we have but than I went to Australia and realized they do such things there and in Scotland, also,...and etc. so nowhere we are protected.

Same, Material world Misery everywhere, only shades differs...Blaaak,...Algorithm stands behind the programm of protection. The programme was programmed according to some solved informatic task and that is turned into computer language. That what was turned into final result programme for protection is the Algorithm...

Yes, it is the same everywhere, there does not seem to be any escape from that farm animals that they are

  ·  6 years ago (edited)

the service provided by financial institutions is incredible, many times people pass a terrible role because of lack of training. !algorithm! Neither the customer service knew it. Was not it easier for the manager to teach random mathematical calculations?
I'm very sorry for what you've had to go through, dear friend, although I must admit that the talk was a bit funny.
I wish you a beautiful night dear friend @meesterboom

They are at it, thats what I say! A beautiful night to you too my friend!

Grrr, I HATE dealing with banks, especially by phone- assisting customers my arse! Had something similar happen a few weeks ago- turned out the card was declined due to suspicious activity, they couldn't help me by phone I had to go in, whereupon I found that it was something to do with a crypto site and had to sit through a whole rigamarole while they reactivated the card. Wankers.

Suspicious activity, yeah. Taht seems to be code for we're gonna teach yiou a lesson!

Yes, that kind of situations are also very common here in the north of Suramèrica, presenting cases in which we can not make purchases and well, as always!, telephone attention is disgusting, you will never solve the problem and the only option that you have is to go to the bank's offices.
Now, the poor guy, he never expected that question. What "coño" is an algorithm?

This poor victim of meesterboom, never in his training received the information to answer this question.
I think, that that word more never forgets the person who "assisted" you...Well, some merit we should give him.

Greetings @meesterboom

I am sure that will give him a story to tell!! Of course I didnt want to tell him that I actually knew and was just messing with him...lol!

I guess that must be what's called Pay Wave here. Just wave your card over the top and it's done. Don't trust it myself, with or without algorithms and anti fraud measures...

That will be the one. I never trusted it, then I started using it and got to really like it. Now I am like meh

AHAHAHAH! The mystery of algorithm! I'm youtubing and it is the same in there, everybody guessing what works for the mystery algorithm.
Bollocks to that.

No-one ever knowS! hehe

Everytime I need to use the debit card for my payment, I need to insert my PIN everytime. It is the norm here in Singapore and I think it is a hassle but lives goes on I guess. Upvoted!

I really like contactless payments, or at least I did. Maybe not so much now!

Oh dear, I know that feeling when the card gets spit back at you. It happened to me a few weeks ago - and I knew there was money there because my disability had just been deposited. It was embarrassing when my card was refused on both my chequing and savings accounts - ack. I went into my bank .... and apparently my card had expired only the week before. Obviously I hadn't looked closely at my card - and who knew expiry on a bank card was even a thing? Grrrrr.

They love to mess you about. Thats the truth, plain and simple!

That conversation is played out many times here in the states every time I try to get something done or paid. Sometimes I wonder if anyone even knows their job anymore or if they all have a sheet of paper with responses listed in front of them. When you try to get a detailed answer its like pulling hens teeth. Then they pass you off to several others who have no clue...grrrrrr

upvoted and resteemed

I don't think anyone does know their job anymore. They have devalued these kind of jobs so much that they now get the lowest common denominator in to do them

dirty buggers! Algorithms my ass. some dude is just sitting there randomly screwing with you. I guarantee you that! Fuckers

Then they will pay!!! Somehow! :O)

It's too annoying when I'm going to pay something with my card and I decline the transaction, not once, but two and it's like: fuck, but if I have money, God because you do this to me? And I have to spend an hour waiting for the bank to decide to accept the transaction

Damned banks, thats what I say!

Algorithms is used to solve problems on computer to make work easy for user.. Algorithms make work earlier for user when operate computer.. It's very annoying when you're want to do use debit card and is declining you.. This is the third time the card is declining you.. They need to work on it and know what is wrong with the card...

Yes, these things are correct

Hahahah do NOT get me started on this - so lets hope the criminal swipes your card just the right amount of times be be declined ...

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wow very good writing,i think everyone should reeding that post

I agree!

Is this for real? Well, if or if not, I on the other hand does not want to use cards. I have no work so I have no means to pay for the interesr and the things that I would be buying. Haha! Waiting for the entire world to venture unto crypto instead of cash and cards.

It is indeed for real!

I don't want to use cards either but needs must!!

ha ha ha ha
good story @meesterboom
hahaha very funny
I can not help but laugh.

sorry if my comments offend you.

regards @mzakybrt

Hahahahahaha. That is real shit right there. He said he don't know, then who gonna explain algorithm then. Bleep up bank customer service. Sorry for the stress

Exactly :0)

  ·  6 years ago Reveal Comment