Earth Father

in life •  7 years ago 

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Today I had a day off and the family went to the local art centre place called the Tramway.

It's a really funky place. We were going because the good lady thought that some mummy and daughter time was needed. The little lady has been a little fragile at times since the birth of her little brother.

So it was decided that the pair of them would book up some arty, express-yourself dance-type class whilst I would look after little boom for a couple of hours.

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We arrived and the pair trotted off.

You sure you will be ok daddy?

Enquired the good lady kindly.

Of course I will, now bugger off.

I gently replied.

The good lady had a terrible habit of assuming that I am like your typical man-dad who will fold under the pressure of looking after a baby for five minutes.

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Her and the little lady tootled off.

No sooner had they gone of course then the little boom started wailing. Huge racking sobs as if a rat was chewing at his feet.

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I walked him around humming my patented baby calming tune. It's got three notes which go up. Then down.

It didn't work.

I dandied him on my knee.

It didn't work.

I got the milk out. Couldn't fail with this one surely. By now his screams were almost cracking the cement floor beneath our feet.

As soon as he sniffed the milk though he quietened.

I sat there all proud of myself and fed the hungry little tike. He slurped and slurped. Nearby mother's became moist at the sight of such a handsome man feeding his little baby.

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I gave a particularly debonair smile to the spectating mummies. That's right sisters, the baby whisperer is here. Now accepting crypto as well as payments of the flesh

The milk ran out. All four ounces of it. What da fuck? That was enough for two feeds?

He started yelling. Ah, it will be wind. I threw him onto my shoulder and gave him a right good burping.

It didn't work.

His screaming intensified. What the hell man, he was never like this. Aha, nappy! He probably needed changed!

I swiftly galloped into the toilet and commenced the changing. I was mid change when his screaming stopped. I looked up. He was looking at me quite serenely, a little smile on his face.

Awwww!!

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Then a fountain of piss gushed up like old faithful soaking my chin, chest and then landing back down on him. Frantically I pawed a nappy over his little wang and took stock.

We were both soaked in baby piss. He made a little happy grunt and smiled at me.

I smiled back. The wonders of parenthood. I stuck him in dry clothes then took him out.

Having pissed all over his daddy he was relatively content. I pulled on the strange wrap thing that the good lady had used and popped him in it.

In the wrap he settled down and went to sleep. I sat down and damply tried my best to look cool.

The good lady and the little lady came back bouncing about happily.

Hey daddy, how was it!!

I grinned, hoping that the smell of piss was starting to fade.

Ach it was no bother.

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How is it whenever they piss without a nappy it gets you in the face?!
I think the crying is a rouse to get you to check, then.....
BAM Face shot!
Everyone of my freinds have had that happen to them, hard to believe MP's pay for that!

Haha, I know. It's incredible the aim. They do lure you in. Then it just flies out!! I keep thinking, of no, not this time, then Bang! Dossier again!

Shame you are very good to the good lady and the little lady as they really need some time together. Wonderful how boys never miss, and then have the cheak to smile. :)

Hehe, you are right. The little lady was feeling a bit of angst about not being special anymore. Hope to fix that sharpish!

It is heredity, I bet Mother Boom could tell lots of tales of you doing exactly the same thing. Just think, in the future his son is going to pee all over him as well.
It will only last until you remember to take a flanel , drop the front of the nappy, place the flanel in the right place then continue with the change. He won't pee during this time, it is too hard to ensure he hits the target, watchout when the new nappy is in position and ready to fasten, you lean forward , and the flanel pays for its self, or, you wear the badge of fatherhood

Actually, my mother enjoyed the thought of such things when we were kids and used to tell us rather frequently that she hoped we'd see the error of our ways when we had kids of our own. I'm not sure but it's possible that she became a bit of a sadist in those moments.

Hehe, the badge of fatherhood. I like that, it makes it easier to wear lol!

The other one is the little bit of milk down the back, from when you burped him. Looks good on a uniform as you can guess.

I bet it does. I have taken to wearing paler clothes these days to cover it up

wauuu! What a dear friend @meesterboom, the bottle and diaper change never fail, babies do not either. They have a lot of aim when it comes to peeing, they always end up in the face of the one who changes them.
Thank you very much for telling us about this fun family outing
I wish you a wonderful week

I wish you @jlufer a most wonderful week. He has an unerring aim that always lands true!;

Hee, I knew it wouldn't be long before you got it in the face! Betcha put the nappy over his willy as soon as it's exposed next time, haha!

Glad the girls got to do some fun girlie stuff, you're a good man ;)

They did have a lot of fun, it was almost worth being pissed on. I still keep getting caught unawares by it! Little hose man!

Almost worth it, hee, yeah I'm not sure if anything could be all the way worth being peed all over ;)

luckily, never had that pissing experience before hahahah
'I smiled back. The wonders of parenthood' <--- so true!

Hehe, I mean dont get me wrong. I am human, For a moment I was going to challenge him to some fisticuffs, but sanity prevailed ;O)

hahahhhaha

Ahaha! It's always how you carry yourself. That's what matters! Everyone is going through something, it's just that others are more whiny about it than others ;) I'm not surprised that the surrounding women became moist at the sight of manly parenting, no one would blame them. However, I am surprised that they didn't whip out their breasts when they caught wind of the milk running out. I imagine that a whole circle of spectators would bare their bosoms in unison, like synchronized swimmers. They must've a weak presence of mind, or they were too overwhelmed with lust for you.

I hope the little lady gets over the hump faster than I did. It's a tough challenge though, seeing as she has to hurdle a mountain!

Lol! Everyone is indeed! ;O)

I am a little surprised too that there wasnt more breast proferring. Things just arent what they were back in the day.

I hope she gets over it soon as well. It mostly lies dormant and then boof will pop up out of nowhere

Oh yeah this bullshit of "you go first, no you" is really getting on my nerves. If they want to whip their breasts out and lactate, they should just do without waking on anyone else. Ugh!

It's quite hard competing with a baby. If The Mountain becomes quite rambunctious when he becomes a toddler, I'm sure she's going to get some of her mojo back.

Being Queen off the rambucti I am absolutely sure that she will.

Sometimes I am glad when the ladies hold back though. For a while i thought that I was having trouble with my eyes I was seeing so many boobies

Is that situation the best use of the age old adage "calm your tits"? I think it is. I might be wrong, though I doubt it.

It's a fine phrase and one in which I am not entirely familiar with but it does please me. The good lady shall be the first of many to hear these wise words!!

I'm sure she would love it, coming from you. Don't tell her I told you to tell it though, because I didn't. By George, Jove and Bob, I didn't!

Oh you did. Add soon as I say it I will also spend it with Jedau said to say it that will learn you.

Baby boys should come with a pee shield! I distinctly remember having a wee baron at the doctor's office. The doctor was wandering around with his coffee cup and set it down next the scale. Remove his nappy and lets see what the tyke weighs? Really? Okay...Nappy off and the fountain starts with pee landing square in the coffee cup...

Aiyee, in the cofffee cup!! Yikes.

My friend sent me a link to a pee shield on Amazon after I told him of this. I did guffaw

Baby piss doesn't smell!

It does in my head when I am covered in it! :0D

Wonder how they know at one month old how to get them to do just what you want is it not wonderful.

It is wonderful indeed! They only get better at it too :O)

Hahahaha! ... "no bother" ... you have such fun adventures! LOL! :)

It most definitely wasnt all fun lol! I have a good poker face :O)

"Now accepting crypto as well as payments of the flesh". Lol, that's one way to avoid tax!

Haha, it is. Avoiding the taxman in style!

He can hit you in the face every time right now. Then he'll move on to never aiming down when on the potty. peewww ... all the way across to the wall on the far side of the bathroom.

Then he learns to pee standing up ....

Oh no i never even have the potty a thought!!

When the baby is so young....the parent is always soooo........tired. Rest for the parent comes once the child goes to school. Lol

I shall await the next five years eagerly!

The way you right about your adventures is like a journey, a rather wet one on this occasion.

Hehe, that is exactly my aim! :0)

Haha. I saw what you did there.

Haha, you've got my number!

You are a wonderful (mommy) daddy :)

Lol, thank you!

Wow, i can see lil Boom's head...Congrats @meesterboom

Don't worry, that's not my vagina he is looking out of ;0)

🤣😂😁

Hehe! :0)

son experiencias que pasamos todos los padres, Dios bendiga a tu hermoso bebe, disfrutenlo mucho, porque crecen muy rápido. Saludos

Estoy decidido a disfrutar cada segundo, ¡Saludos, muchacha!

I am agree with you
There is nothing that match tO our parents mother and father
Love yOu mother and father

Yes, these are noble and fine sentiments!

Good old parent-son bonding... you know, drinking milk, getting pissed on, the usual. lol

It almost sounds like a wild night out with the boys in an alternate universe!! :0D

You are amazing father :)

Hahaha I am doing alright!

Yes - go ahead

It's hard to be a father, my son just two months old and he don't me and my wife sleep a lot.

Yeah, they can be brutal with the sleeping. We have two and our four year old is certain to get up at 6.15 every morning without fail

My cat prefers 4am. It's a kid thing. I can't wait until she grows up and wants to sleep all day/night 😉

Hahaha, I have thought the same too. What age did sleep become this desirable thing. Surely not teenage years!

Probably right around the time you became a parent and it was denied you. 😉

Hehe, yas indeed!

nice.....

big like :D

Hehe, ta!

Nice sharing fr

Thank ya!

Wc

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