You Said What?

Today I had the pleasure of phoning an insurance company to renew my cats' health insurance. The cats are getting on a bit and vets bills can be quite expensive.

The good lady has never quite been a fan of my throw them in the river if they get ill approach to life. My theory being that if they can triumph against their ultimate adversary then they can triumph against anything.

Our current insurance was running out. The company who we had insured them with did not auto-renew their policies and instead made you phone them so that they could try and sell you a million and one other sundry products whilst you dropped by.

As the good lady is heavily pregnant and therefore incapable of initiating a telephone conversation this onerous task fell to me today.

It was a particularly relaxed and cheery chap that answered my call.

Hello, my name is Robert at directrubbish4u, how may I help?

Oh hello, I got a letter to renew my pet insurance.

Ah yes, that is fine. I can do that for you. Can you give me the reference number at the top of your letter.

He seemed very helpful, This might not be so bad I thought.

Ah the letter, sorry. I forgot to bring it with me. Oops.

That's no problem sir. It's the reference at the top left of the letter, it should begin with TPI.

Erm, yes. I get that. I don't have the letter.

Okaaaaay. That is not a problem. Can you get the letter for me?

Hmmm, he said it wasn't a problem exactly like it was a problem. I made a jokey laughing noise.

Afraid not, I am at work. Sorry, I'm a bit of an arse and left it at home.

There was a deathly silence on the other end of the phone. I wondered if we had been disconnected, I mean, that's never happened before...

Anyone there?

Sir? I am afraid that if you continue to use such language I will have to disconnect the call.

He was back. He sounded terse. In fact he sounded like he was dealing with a lunatic, would that be me then?

Oh sorry, you mean when I said I was a bit of an arse?

On the other end of the line, Robert drew a sharp breath.

Sir, I will not warn you again. If you continue to use such language I shall disconnect the call.

Whoah, ok, ok. I was referring to myself incidentally, I wasn't saying you were one.

Sir. Please, can we continue without such language?

I sighed, the fellow was obviously sitting on a dildo or something.

Yes, yes, please do. I shall behave.

Thank you sir, now, please, can you give me the reference number at the top of your letter?

I took a deep breath.

Seriously? How many times do I have to say I don't have the letter. This is becoming a bit arse if you ask me.

Sir, if you continue to use such language I will have to...

Arse.

Click. The line went dead. I couldn't help but smile. It's the little things that make me happy. Maybe I will try again tomorrow? Perhaps with the letter this time.