The darkness consumes me. It beats me until there’s almost nothing left, it allows a shimmer of light to peer through but just as I gain hope, it covers up the light and laughs at me. The laugh is stale and lifeless, it knows it’s winning but why do I keep letting it? I’m a competitive person after all, so why can’t I beat this thing? It’s like a rubix cube, some can master it while others give in and allow it to defeat them.

I’ve seen a lot of people die because of the darkness and its power over them. I’m not weak enough to be one of those people, not yet.

Although I don’t see the light often, I see it enough to keep a glimmer of hope. Hope for better days, hope for everlasting light and hope for the future. The light represents life and gives me a willingness to keep on fighting. The darkness is my own demon that only I can defeat. No medication or therapy is going to help me and those things require money, which I definitely don’t have.

Sometimes I have power over the darkness, I know what’s triggering it and I can try to reel it back in. Other times, I have nothing and it overpowers me. Those times are the worst and even after all these years I still don’t know how to make it stop. I’ve learnt how to cope with it, how to live with it constantly watching over me and waiting for a weak moment so it can strike.

That’s the thing about the darkness. It’s only here for one purpose and that’s to defeat you. Once it’s done with you it can move onto someone else and will live on forever, torturing the lives of many. At the moment, I don’t know of a cure, nobody does. All I know is that some days are good and others are, well… they’re just days. Nothing more, nothing less, just another day. It’s feels like a constant battle to keep my head above water. But even when I think the worst, I always come out the other side.

Because light will always win.

Stay positive people.

Until next time,

Meliss

Photo Cred: https://medium.com/todays-story/the-darkness-in-my-heart-89c7e456e983