This series of stories will be titled 'I'm surprised I turned out as well as I did, given my childhood ...' 34

I can’t remember my father having a ‘proper’ job. He never worked for a company in return for a regular wage, he always seemed to be on commission – which is fine if you work for a reputable company - he never seemed to do.

His mother took us on holiday again and while we were there, my father saw a newspaper article announcing a colleague had received a national award for sales in the company.

My father was terribly upset about that news as it was he that had done all the work and because he’d gone on the family holiday rather than be available to attend the award ceremony, he was ousted and another put in his place.

He has a skin condition and it flared up with the stress of it all.

I remember my mother using a polaroid camera and taking pictures of the lesions that had erupted all over his body, especially his feet. Both feet swelled up like grotesque balloons and they must have itched something crazy.

I saw him coming back into the hotel, carrying his shoes. He’d been paddling in the sea to soothe the dermatitis.

“I would have paddled a bit further out, but I kept remembering the film Jaws,” he said.

The sea water soothed the lesions for a short time, but when we got home, I remember he had a horrible time with the condition, infections, weeping sores – the works.

My grandmother was never sympathetic, however. She used every opportunity to ‘help’ him as a point-scoring exercise. He’d ask for a loan to buy a car so he could become a salesman. She would let everyone know just how good she was to him for doing so.

He got a job as a salesman selling – of all things – shoelaces and combs. He and the other salesmen went to one specific area as a team and saturated the shops for miles.

They would hit every small store and sell as many packs of shoelaces and combs as they could. I suppose the strategy worked because each storekeeper would believe they were getting an exclusive product that no other store would have and they were cornering the market.

I wonder what happened when they found out every other store had the same stock?

They went to Ireland on a sales trip.

Back then, there was a telephone strike in Ireland and phone calls had to be booked in advance for an appointment. He claimed that because they were moving from area to area, he was never in a place long enough to make an appointment for a phone call and still be there when the appointment came around.

He was expected home on a specific date and was late for dinner – ten whole days late.

His excuse was that he couldn’t phone to let my mother know because of the telephonists’ strike.

When I pointed out that neither the post offices, nor the postmen were on strike and he could have taken the time to write and post a letter, he became all defensive.

Ten days with no word from him. I’m afraid that shows how far he took his responsibilities as a father and husband.

He bought back a suitcase filled with sweeties and chewing gum – because sweeties and chewing gum are what really holds a marriage together…

There was little stability in my young life and that stuck with me.

Yes, we had a home, but we were ‘latch-key kids’ and often came home to an empty house after school - with me as the eldest and the one in charge. I admit I was never the most responsible kid and I resented the responsibility without any reward. When I say ‘reward’, I mean thanks and/or praise as much as monetary reward.

During the summer holidays, I would ‘escape’ before anyone was up and awake because if I didn’t get out of the house, I’d be lumbered with my younger brother and sister for the day.

Sometimes, we would be at home alone for the majority of the summer holidays. Cn you imagine what kind of stunts we pulled?

I knew I’d get in trouble for most of the shit that went off and even though I knew it was coming, I always believed I’d ‘beat the rap’. Yes, I was in denial of any forthcoming punishment.

It didn’t stop it happening though…

I’ve taken a lot of notice of the way my parents brought up me and my siblings and most of the methods were scrutinised and rejected in favour of my method.

When I started seeing Trev and getting ‘serious’, I remember telling him that he must never leave his job in order to start a business if we were thinking of starting a family. I didn’t ever want to be in the position my mother had been in for as long as I’d been aware of what was happening in the family around me. I especially did NOT want my children living the same life I had.

Another method used in their Parenting Skills class was the ‘make the eldest look after the rest of the kids. I was five years older than my sister (still am) and two years older than my brother. I was made to take them both along with me when my mother was at work during the holidays.

A valuable lesson for my kids. Dani was never made to take her brother anywhere and because of that, she took him everywhere, because she wanted to. They were a formidable team – the exact opposite of my siblings and I. We were at loggerheads because they would want to do something and because I was forced to look after them and be responsible for them, I ended up with a deep resentment for a long time.

I don’t think I ever got over that ‘duty’ of looking after my younger siblings and my sister especially took great advantage of that sense of duty… but more on that next time.

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