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Everyone has such days when it seems that the whole world doesn’t care about us, thoughts float in my head - “I don’t need anyone”, “everything is bad”. But sometimes this feeling accompanies not just certain periods of time - it becomes a part of life. Oh yes, people can be interested by asking the standard “How are you?”, for example, at lunchtime at work. But after a working day, a person returns home and willy-nilly begins to wonder: what to do if no one needs you?
What can really be done if this feeling of loneliness comes? Let's look at a few tips to help you deal with it.
First, you can try the following exercise. Make your own memory album. You can conditionally name it, for example, "Love bit by bit." It is best to view it in advance, not yet in a state of depression. To create your own "love album" you need to collect all the good memories in one place.
These can be vacation photos where you have fun with friends; or those on which close people hug you - parents, grandparents. They will serve as confirmation that there are and will be people on earth who care about you. When you feel that no one needs you, you will only need to open this album again to remind yourself of this. It does not have to be in paper form; you can create a collection on your desktop computer.
The second piece of advice is not to let the attention fool you. Since attention has the property of switching and selectivity in relation to objects of the external world, it is sometimes very easy to fall into confusion about other people. For example, you can consider yourself the loneliest person in the world if the concierge in two years of work did not bother to remember your name, and also if the second cousin aunt was the only person who wished you a happy birthday last year. Falling into negative feelings about this, you can, for example, very easily miss the fact that five minutes ago your girlfriend wrote you an SMS message just like that.
Learn to cope with the reality around you, accepting it as it is. Yes, you heard right. No friend or therapist can take you out of the reality you are in. There have always been, are and will be people who really don't care about you; who, under no pretext, would go on dates with you or become your friends. However, it is absolutely necessary to continue to cultivate a sense of self-worth, self-acceptance. Be honest with yourself about your positive qualities. Never underestimate them.
In working on yourself, do not neglect the use of well-known measures. We are talking about such tips as switching attention to any activity, exercising, or taking a short break at a time when you feel especially alone. There are several reasons for using these techniques. Firstly, this tactic will help you avoid many troubles, such as street fights, big money spending or alcohol abuse. The second reason is the fact that we all tend to perceive reality distortedly in moments of despair. In particular, it is worth "slowing down" a little if you need to make certain decisions or take action.
Know your attachment style, and learn to be tolerant of the attachment style of others. Even if he is avoidant. This does not mean that you need to seek friendship with those who do not want to communicate with you by all means. But it does mean accepting who these people are, what they are.
In total, there are several styles of attachment: this is a confident style, anxious-ambivalent and avoidant. Confident is formed in childhood, provided that parents give the child enough care and attention, do not ignore his needs. Such children grow up to be quite determined people who are able to build harmonious, trust-based relationships.
Anxiously ambivalent style is characteristic of those who, on the contrary, experienced a lack of parental love in childhood, especially in those moments when they needed it most. Such children grow up to be very anxious people, often they experience difficulties in relationships. And it is they, unfortunately, who most often ask this question: how to live on if no one needs you?
The avoidant style is characteristic of children whose parents constantly rejected their needs. In experiments conducted by scientists, infants with this type of attachment practically did not react to the appearance of their mother after separation. The formation of an avoidant attachment style also affects the ability to build full-fledged relationships with people in the future.
Ironically, very often people with opposite types of attachment enter into relationships. For example, a girl who is ready to send daily