Hey man. It was good to read about what's going on in your life and head lately. Really hurts to see a good old friend in such a state of mind. It's good that you're expressing how you feel though. I think it helps to write stuff down like that. It helps with the process of 'getting better' whatever that means. It's funny how America is known as the land of opportunity, freedom, liberty yadah yadah yadah... yet depression is like an epidemic that seems to creep into the hearts of everyone eventually while doctors make billions off of the pills we take to put us happy moods and get so many people hooked.
Anyway, Keep on fighting man and keep hope alive. I'll be joining you in the battle soon, bro. Brighter times are coming so keep your eyes open!