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Introduction

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Some people are born natural in this category and they require no training. For others, it takes some effort. There are two sides to this post, one for the educational purpose of training people who wants to fall under this category and secondly, to help anyone who wants to identify one.

There are a few salient traits in this category of people. I can't entirely say that I don't possess such traits but I take every effort in trying not to be one, so if you sense any resemblance to the author, don't put it in the comment section, just personally message me and we will have a pint and mull over it.

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The Self Obsessed Ego Maniac

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This is the type of people that carry mirrors in their pocket. This trait must not be confused with the fact that some people take extra effort to make themselves presentable. These are the peacocks of the human world. The mating ritual of spreading the feathers to woo the female was wrongly confused with the need to breathe oxygen. So this species is always on a rampage of spreading its plumage and they usually hangout among their kind.

They have a fear of being in large crowd, because by being in large crowd increases the chances of being seen with another person who happened to wear the same shirt. If that happens, their world would collapse and all reason to be alive will be almost nil. But this is curable, usual prescription includes regular doses of compliments to be dished out in 10 minutes interval. These compliments must contain good amount of praises about their physique, talent and the ability to arouse sexual desire to the opposite sex.

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The Phone Addict

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This assholian trait rank high among the crowd of assholes, in particular the younger generation. They are very well connected on all social media platform and spend their shower time, updating the world about their life. To perfect the art, one must invite some long lost friend and tell them how much their presence had changed their perception of life. The entire episode must take place on facebook, whatsapp or any form of application that requires the use of phone. That way, the conversation becomes sustainable. Then, the actual meetup takes place but the conversation on facebook has not ended, but this time with another unsuspecting individual.

The one insatiable thirst of this kind, is the need to exhaust the battery life of their phone. They would be the first to curse Samsung or Iphone for producing inferior phones that has short battery lifespan but rejects any offer to own a Nokia 3310 which is by the way the most reliable, durable and has the longest battery life the phone world has ever seen.

A cold turkey treatment therapy would usually bring old the ancient demon of the deep. Like those you see in Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings. They will turn demonic and curse in languages not known to human. They can get violent and would usually avoid all forms of communication unless status quo is restored. Once restored, their first reaction was to post the unbearable torment on facebook about the breaches of their Human Rights.

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The Mr. Know-It-All

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This guy is the Wikipedia, the Waze, the Stephen Hawking, the Steven Spielberg, the Dog Whisperer and the Iron-Chef all rolled into one neat package. They don't speak like normal. Their conversations are leading questions which eventually will be directed to the unsuspecting. They cannot be wrong. If their facts varies from a published medical journal it is likely that the journal has made some gross error and if their facts conforms with Wikipedia, then you can expect the satisfied smile that says it all, 'I told you so, didn't I?'.

This type of assholian feeds on a particular species of human being. They feed on the inquisitive and naive ones. They are extremely good in identifying one. Usually it is the typical village bumpkin that best fits this description. They are a match made in heaven. One that is a know it all, and the other is one that knows nothing. The Mr. Know-It-All hates to be corrected. To spark a conversation that will never end will be to say, 'I think you have made a mistake when....'

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The Philosopher

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There is a reason why there is only one Confucius or one Aristotle. Bet I am not the only one who sees pictures of a 'Beef Steak' with an accompanying message that reads, 'The agony of not being a Vegetarian pervades me, I wish I am one'

This type of trait can be seen usually in one picture post of themselves pondering and it will be accompanied by a caption. The caption can be anything that ranges from love to suicide. These type of assholian pervades the facebook space and offers unsolicited philosophy on life. It would usually start of with, 'If I were you...'

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Part II to be continued...I am sure some of these people resonate with some traits that you can identify. Feel free to comment but avoid any direct confrontation with the author because the author is only 1 man who cannot answer to all brickbats.