Why we choose our own perception of life

You mean the world doesn't revolve around everything I do?? Woah! You'd think this was a really straightforward statement and that the world actually revolves on it's own regardless of what we are up to. It's a fair statement to say that I had only learned this is a few months back. That my life doesn't matter, yet simultaneously does at the same time. It's a rather weird thought process that I've been mulling over in my head as I grow older, that there are other experiences and mindsets that completely clash with mine.

My first brush with this concept was last year when in my naivety I was joining forces with my fellow brave women in a life-long campaign to make men better. You see, I had a Dad that could have done with a Son like me around; always being there for him but strong enough not to encourage his behaviour, and not look impressed when he was being a dickhead to himself and everyone around him. I wanted to stand up for the women that had been treated by men like my Dad; had been used and tossed aside like the playthings they were. Yes, might fight was going to be long and arduous one but I was in for the long run.

Suddenly, and quite abruptly, I found myself in a situation that considered me as, "not in the know" because of my race and my gender -- which I found really strange as this was something I had been joining forces with other people for my entire career to stamp out; differences between humans. Nevertheless I decided to hear what they had to say because I'm certainly not the only worldview on this planet. If you look at all the work and everything I do it's about being heard, being seen, and learning to tolerate one another.

The first time I had to actively delete someone from my Facebook feed (which I rarely do) was when I was considered to be outright racist for not teaching my son about his white privilege. Helping him understand the world that he's in, teaching him how to give respect for others by modelling the relationships I have, and helping him give selflessly with other people then sure; but as I know all too well there's no way I'm raising him to believe he's wrong in some way, that he should own some guilt over which was his ancestors in some way. No. That's a recipe for disaster. I was raised with guilt. Just.. no.

But yet I always do wonder if there's something I'm not seeing; that perhaps I'm so wrapped up in my own life and family I can't see the forest for the trees. I often wonder that my lot in life is now paving the way for a life that will more than likely come a lot easier to my son than it did me. He has a loving two parent family. He has a Dad that's very much in tune with his emotions, a Dad that isn't scared to admit when he's defeated. His Mum, ever strong that she is, knows when to bundle him up into a ball when he needs it, or strengthen those boundaries as he pushes them. I never had that. I grew up in a single parent household on a council estate and nearly wrecked my life and got myself into a street gang. If it wasn't for my dad literally pulling me down to England I probably would have been dead now; shot in the head for not fulfilling my drug-debts. I haven't always been the best with money.

My wife is steeped in privilege. Her whole family are upper-middle class. Her Mum and Dad love her to bits; she's never had to worry about debts, she has no idea what it's like to be in a constant battle between two parents, forced to take sides, each parent acting more and more like the child they are supposed to protect. My wife is a linguist; travelled the world, met so many people, open to so much debate. She's an educator, a listener and very much a watcher; I often wonder why the hell she settled for silly old me and my drug-riddled council estate background. Yet here we are, several years later and I'm still chasing success, never content with national awards, always looking to strive for better. If I had to look through the eyes of my wife then perhaps my worldview would be dramatically different, as would my thought patterns.

I always say you're either a mindset away from your own Utopia, or a horrible hell hole of emptiness; the perception is in how you choose to view the world. And yes, you have the choice to view the world in any way that you want; because we all have filters and we're all selective on which filters we activate when and where. Want to try this with me?

Three people walking along the road a couple of minutes behind each other. A man, followed by a woman, and lastly a gay person. They all pass a man in the street that seems to be waving them over. The man, riddled with depression walks past him because he doesn't think anyone would notice him, let alone be interested having a conversation with him. The woman, a staunch hardcore Feminist scuttles quickly past him because she doesn't give unknown men her attention in the street. The gay person, walks up to the man and asks him tentatively why he's waving at her, and if he was trying to catch her attention. The man asks for a favour from the gay person, he wants her to help phone a local car mechanic to get his car sorted because he needs to be somewhere very quick. The gay person obliges, thanks the man, and then goes on her merry way.

Next week the gay person receives a cheque for $1000 through the door as a thank you tip. Turns out the man is a CEO of a big company and needed to be at his meeting to complete a merger. The gay person saved the man millions.

Perhaps a rather simplistic and rugged look at information processing but I do think that sometimes we choose the world that we live in. Before I met my wife my life was filled with liars, cheaters, abusive men and women, and people that had so much self-interest it's a wonder they were able to acknowledge anyone was around them physically. I actively sought out these people; not consciously, but subconsciously because I believed this was my world, that there were very few good people in it, and most people were out to get me. My thoughts, my subconscious thoughts, and the way I acted around other people actively attracted the people that my body signalled around me.

I'm not too sure now. I've been shown a different world. Most the people that I choose to surround myself in are good people. Men that are strong father roles for their children, women that actually challenge the notion they are weak and need to be helped, yet in the same breath actively help others also. I'm surrounded in good, happy, fulfilled people that rarely stagnate, that always have their head in something, and are always challenging their own worldview. They are always there for me, and love theirselves and others around them. Yet most importantly respect me as a person, as I have learned to do so with them.

And I'd also like to be slightly vocal in this "all men need to be held accountable" thing we have going on in the United States right now. Would it be safe to say in the case I've just presented above that perhaps we need to swing in better circles as people than make massive sweeping statements and lump all men in the same category? I say this an an outspoken Egalitarian; I believe in equality of the sexes but I think we're going a little too far now.

Perhaps it's time for women to do a little self reflection of their own? As a man that's mostly been victimised at the hands of women I think it's high time you all start doing so.

You might read this and think what a crock of shit. I have no idea what I'm talking about, and that I should just keep my mouth shut and let others speak. But remember, this is you choosing to see my work like this. You could be open minded and non-judgemental and reflect on this piece and think where my experience slots into your life; or you can just dismiss me as another arrogant white male that knows shit, but that would be your choice. I have no idea what you've been through; probably couldn't even understand what you've been through, but remember, you're actively choosing to dismiss my attempt at bettering myself through reflection in a world that rarely does so.

Isn't that something you should be working on my friend?

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